AFFORMATIONS ON CONQUERING FEAR
“Fear is a question: What are you afraid of, and why? [O]ur fears are a treasure house of self-knowledge if we explore them.”
— MARILYN FERGUSON
Do you know what fear is? Well, here’s what it isn’t. Fear is not False Evidence Appearing Real. Yes, I know you’ve heard that cliché a thousand times before—and you were expecting me to say it again, weren’t you?
The truth is, years ago, some clever speaker came up with that acronym; unfortunately, it’s become one of the most widely accepted clichés in our industry. In fact, we’ve heard it so many times that we’ve come to accept it as truth. But that’s not what fear really is.
Here’s what fear really is: the anticipation of pain. Fear is a very real human emotion that occurs when you anticipate or expect that something may hurt you. When you feel the emotion of fear, you’re essentially saying to yourself, “Hey! What if doing _______________ causes me pain?” Ironically, the emotion of fear is there to protect you; but it can also hold you back from being the person you were meant to be.
We experience the feeling of fear when we perceive that we’re not in control. Fear is the emotional effect of the perceived absence of personal control. Therefore, there’s an inverse relationship between control and fear. The more control we have over our lives, the less fear we feel.
The more control we have over our lives, the less fear we feel.
The Most Basic Human Fear and How to Overcome It
The most basic human fear is the fear of rejection: “What if I do this and that person rejects me?” Why is this the most basic human fear? Centuries ago, we humans lived in tribes as a means of survival. And if we did something bad, it was deemed a crime against the tribe. In those cultures, the worst punishment was not death, but banishment from the tribe—because if you were banished, there was virtually no chance you would survive out there on your own.
How does this relate to the fear of rejection in our modern society? It shows up all the time—in social settings, in business, at home, and in our family life. Let’s say you’re a salesperson, and you want to increase your sales. What’s one of the best ways to do that? Call your current customers and see if they want to buy something else from you.
You’ve probably had the thought to do this many times. But what do average salespeople do? Their very next thought is, Oh, I don’t want to bother them; they probably wouldn’t be interested anyway.
The average person knows what to do but doesn’t do it, because he or she gives in to the fear of rejection. But look at what highly successful people do. Even if they feel that fear of rejection and hear that thought in their minds, they pick up the phone and start calling anyway! That’s why one of the main differences between highly successful individuals and those who are average is that highly successful people feel the fear and take action anyway.
How can you develop the habit of taking action in the face of fear? Since fear is the anticipation of pain, one of the fastest ways to release any fear is to accept the pain that you might feel as a result of taking action. For example, in my younger days, I didn’t have a fear of rejection—I had the certainty of rejection! When you grow up as a scrawny, geeky kid with Coke-bottle glasses and shoulder-width hair, it’s not hard to see why I was painfully shy and afraid to talk to strangers.
I finally came to understand that almost everyone has the same fear of rejection that I had. Then I started doing a mental exercise, where I would imagine the person I was talking to rejecting me and then imagine how I would feel afterward.
Guess what? Once I emotionally accepted the pain of being rejected by a total stranger—someone who didn’t know me anyway—I actually felt more in control of the situation, since I realized that it wasn’t going to hurt me as badly as I feared it would.
Developing this habit gave me more confidence to be myself with everyone I met. It even gave me enough confidence to call a gorgeous blonde I met one day and ask her to go dancing with me—and she eventually became my wife!
In another example, Scott posted the following story on our online Afformations mastermind group:
Dear Noah:
Woo hoo! My business is on pace to double this month. I am using your Ultimate Business Success iAfform Audio, and it’s awesome. I let it run on my laptop when going to sleep, so as to bypass the conscious (critical) mind. Prior to finding Afformations, I tried several home-based businesses, but my own limiting programming created a self-imposed barrier. I called it “fear of rejection,” when it was really the fear of success.
Simply put, I didn’t think I deserved to succeed, so I was actually repelling positive results. Only about five weeks after starting Afformations, I have identified two serious business builders, and one of them has already enrolled their first customer. This is more than I accomplished with any other business effort in the last decade. Thank you!
Just the other day, I received this inspiring story of how Afformations helped a talented artist overcome her fears:
Dear Noah,
I wanted to write to you to tell you how Afformations have changed my life and led me back to my passion and purpose.
I have been a professional singer/songwriter and workshop leader for most of my adult life. I always felt that music was my calling, but after recovering from a long illness, I was afraid I wouldn’t make enough money with my music to cover my enormous medical bills. Out of fear, I decided to take a full-time job as an office manager in an orthodontic practice.
I threw myself heart and soul into my job, spending long hours attending to everything I was tasked with. I would come home exhausted each night, and my music took a backseat. I would sing and write songs all the way to work and then force myself to focus on my job—convincing myself that this was they only way I could pay my bills. I struggled to find the energy to write and perform on weekends; but when I did, I felt totally in my element and so happy!
When anyone found out that I was working in a dental office during the day, they would give me a puzzled look and say, “What in the world are you doing working in a dental office when it is so obvious that your gift is music?” And I secretly wondered the same thing.
Then I attended your seminar and heard you speak about Afformations. When you explained how to use Afformations to realize your dreams, I had one of the biggest “Aha!” moments of my life!
You revealed to me the missing piece I had been searching for. Would such a simple and easy process really make a difference?
I went home and asked myself this question: Why am I singing and songwriting as my full-time career?
Tears filled my eyes, and I felt a lump in my throat as my answer came swiftly and sweetly: Because I am not afraid anymore.
I started asking empowering questions just like you taught us, and the answers flooded my thoughts and dreams. Thoughts grew into actions. And things began to change.
I started to see more bookings for my music come in. I began working fewer hours at the orthodontic office and devoted more time to writing and singing. I could feel myself being gently pulled toward my dream.
Clients started asking me to expand my services and speak at their events or lead workshops. Soon my day job dissolved before my eyes, because I felt no need to hold on anymore as the fear was replaced with courage.
I saw myself step out and trust. My heartfelt wish to make a difference in the world with my music was realized as children from India embraced the songs I wrote for the Girls for the World program, and survivors and caregivers of those with cancer felt the healing message in the songs I wrote and performed for the Relay for Life.
Today, more than ever, I am filled with passion and purpose. My heart is wide open, and I love what I do. As I move forward, I will continue to use Afformations, because I know they work!
Thank you, Noah, for Afformations—they led me back to my purpose!
Am I saying that when you use Afformations, you’ll never feel fear again? No. What I am saying, however, is that using Afformations, if you use them properly, will help you take action in the face of fear. There’s no denying that it’s perfectly natural to feel hurt when someone disapproves of you or rejects you, and also totally normal to feel fear when you’re thinking of trying something new.
Use the following Afformations to find the courage to do that thing you’re afraid of and take that action to express more of Who You Really Are—because on the other side of your fear lies the freedom you desire.