“If you can’t answer, simplify the question.”
— TOBA BETA
Afformations have helped countless people around the world to make more money, boost self-confidence, improve personal relationships, be happier and healthier, quit bad habits like smoking and overeating, and enjoy a deeper connection with God.
I’ve taught these four steps to countless groups around the world—from business owners in Australia to working moms in New York, to direct sales professionals in Dallas to multimillionaire CEOs in Florida. And in thousands upon thousands of cases, these four simple steps have changed people’s lives for the better.
That’s why I hope you will use these four simple steps of The Afformations Method to design and create a more abundant lifestyle for yourself and your family, and then take action to make it a reality.
Here, then, is Step One of The Afformations Method:
The Afformations Method? Step One: Ask Yourself What You Want.
If you were in New York City and wanted to take a road trip to meet a friend in Los Angeles, which approach would you choose?
1. Pick a specific location, date, and time for your meeting; figure out the fastest route to take; and then start on your journey—giving yourself enough time to allow for the inevitable delays, detours, and roadblocks.
2. Jump in your car and drive west until you hit the ocean, drive up and down the coast until you find the city of Los Angeles, and then ask everyone you meet to tell you where your friend is.
You’d pick the first option, right? After all, it is the far more efficient approach and produces a near-guaranteed result of meeting up with your friend.
Why is it, then, that most people choose the second approach when it comes to pursuing their dreams and living their lives? Armed with only a vague idea of what they want and how to get there, they wander through life, hoping against hope that they will reach their destination.
This approach doesn’t work for success any better than it works for a cross-country trip. Setting goals gives you a clear destination, the focus to keep you on track, and the awareness to guide your choices and actions.
That’s why the first step in The Afformations Method is to ask yourself what you really, really want. You can use goals you’ve already written, or you can start from scratch. It’s completely up to you.
Why Goal Setting Is Not Enough
Okay, I know you’ve heard every personal-growth guru on the planet say things like “Set your goals” and “If you believe, you can achieve.” I bet you’ve even tried setting your goals and encountered some frustrations along the way—like, oh, I don’t know, not reaching your goals?!
That means there must be something missing here, right? As I’m sure you’ve guessed by now—yep, there is.
What’s been missing in our industry is a way to overcome the simple, fundamental truth that’s staring us right in the face:
Most people don’t believe they can reach their goals.
Many people in our industry would rather not talk about this nagging little detail. Yet the fact remains that, even though we’ve heard the advice to “set our goals” a thousand times, the vast majority of people simply don’t believe they can reach the goals they set in the first place.
That’s why I want to introduce you to something that may open your eyes to a new truth about yourself. . . .
Introducing the D.B.A.R. Cycle
Here is a simple four-part diagram that shows how your life works. (I know, how’s that for a statement!)
We start with desire. Everything we human beings do starts with desire. For instance, in the ancient Hindu text known as the Rig Veda, desire is called “the first seed of mind.” Everything we do springs forth from a seed of desire.
Let’s say you want something—whether it’s a new car, a new house, or a ham sandwich for lunch. Everything you and I wish for, hope for, dream of, fantasize about, crave, aspire to, set our sights on, and want (or think we want) is simply another way of saying we have a desire.
A desire is a destination—someplace we want to go. A destination is a goal—something we want to achieve. Therefore, your desires reveal what your goals are.
A desire can be as simple as a ham sandwich or as lofty as world peace. Yours will reflect what you want, your priorities, and your values. But mostly, they’ll reveal what you believe you can actually achieve.
Your desires reveal what you believe you can actually achieve.
The next step is belief. Let me show you what I mean. . . .
Could You Get a Hit?
Imagine that you were in a baseball game, and you were going up to bat against a major-league pitcher. How confident would you be that you had a chance of getting a hit?
Now, I’m sure there are some great athletes reading this book; but most of us are perfectly aware that we have about as much chance of getting a hit against a major-league pitcher as an ice-cream cone’s chance of surviving an August afternoon in Phoenix, Arizona (not much).
We have a desire (to get a hit), but we don’t have the belief that we can actually do it. Therefore, we have a Belief Gap, which I showed you in Part I.
Because we have a Belief Gap (for example, your inner self telling you, There’s no way I can get a hit!), what would your actions be?
More than likely, your actions would be tentative and fearful, since you’re certain that you can’t succeed in this situation. And if your actions are tentative and fearful, what do you think your results will be? Exactly: more than likely, not getting a hit.
When you put it all together, it looks like this:
Desire: I want to hit the ball.
Belief: But there’s no way I can do this.
Action: Either not taking a swing, or doing so tentatively and fearfully.
Result: Not getting a hit.
Why Most People Quit
We all have desires—whether it’s the desire for money, fame, or a new car; to lose weight, be healthy, or have better relationships; to find the love of your life; or simply the desire to be happy.
Let’s imagine that you’re thinking about this thing that you want (and remember, we’re not only talking about material things like money, cars, and houses, but also intangible and very important things like health, love, and happiness).
When you want something, but don’t believe you can actually have it, what will your actions be?
What happens in the moment you think about this thing that you desire? For many people, what happens is, deep down, they don’t believe they can have it, do it, or be it.
When you want something, but don’t believe you can actually have it, do it, or be it, what are your actions going to be regarding that thing? Exactly!
Is it any wonder why most people quit before they get what they really, really want?
Most people have trained themselves to not believe in themselves.
But you see, the problem is not just that most people quit before they fulfill their desires. That problem is that, because most individuals have been beaten down and beaten up by life, they have trained themselves to not believe in themselves.
How to Believe in Yourself
Now I’d like you to imagine that you are in that same baseball game. But this time, instead of going up to bat against a major-league pitcher, you are going up to hit a ball off of a tee. (So you can picture it more easily, a tee is a stationary gizmo that the ball is placed on near home plate to help children hone their hitting skills.)
How sure are you that you can hit the ball now?
It’s clear that most of us would feel pretty confident if we were going up to hit a ball that’s literally teed up for us. So here’s the equation this time:
Desire: I want to hit the ball.
Belief: I can do this!
Action: Swinging for the fences.
Result: Getting a hit!
See the difference?
Because most people don’t believe that they can actually reach their goals (fulfill their desires, get what they want, manifest their dreams), they don’t feel confident; because they don’t feel confident, they don’t take much action; because they don’t take much action, they don’t get the result they wanted; and because they don’t get the result they wanted, they don’t feel confident. This is what I call the downward death spiral.
Of course, not everything in life is as easy as hitting a ball off of a tee. However, imagine that you have individuals who are caught in the downward death spiral of not believing in themselves, not taking much action, and not getting the results they want. Now imagine that they’re told to do an exercise such as setting their goals. Can you now see why they’ll most likely be going through the motions instead of actively participating and believing that they can reach their destination? Can you also see that this is the very reason why most “set your goals” advice is an exercise in futility?
Most “set your goals” advice is an exercise in futility.
That’s why it’s time to go back to the beginning—and determine if you believe you can even reach your goals in the first place.
It’s Time to Raise the D.B.A.R.
Please understand that it’s not wrong to ask yourself what you want and then set your goals. In fact, it’s essential. However, if you don’t also have the belief that you can actually reach your goals in the first place, trying to set them is effectively a waste of your time.
That’s why, with The Afformations Method, I’m now handing you a proven, step-by-step process to not merely “set your goals,” but more important, to actually believe that you can reach your goals and achieve what you really, really want in the first place.
In other words, I believe you can hit the ball. And by the end of this book, so will you!
Here’s What I Want You to Do Now
1. Ask yourself what you really, really want in the Ten Major Areas of Life. This is the first step to uncover your true desires. (Everything starts with desire, remember?) To help you do this, in Part III of this book I’ve given you more than 400 specific Afformations to assist you in reaching your goals in the Ten Major Areas of Life. These areas are:
2. As you begin asking yourself what you really, really want, capture your desires in writing. To paraphrase the old saying: a mental note isn’t worth the paper it’s written on. Sure, you can daydream, you can doodle . . . but since you’re taking the time and making the emotional commitment to read this book, don’t you owe it to yourself to also commit your desires, goals, and dreams to writing? That’s why I want you to record your desires in your Afformations Journal.
3. Be as specific as possible when capturing your desires. Remember our example of driving from New York to Los Angeles and making a specific plan versus just hoping for the best. Isn’t your life worth more than a cross-country trip?
For example, here are some things you could list that you want to do, achieve, or experience in the area of Health and Well-Being:
I want to . . .
These are specific, measurable, tangible goals. Remember, a goal is simply a destination. Just like when you’re driving, you normally wouldn’t just hop in the car, start driving, and hope you arrive somewhere sometime. You usually have a specific destination in mind, even if it’s just down the street to the grocery store.
Therefore, make sure you write at least one goal or destination for each area, because it’s important to know where you’re going. There’s no hard-and-fast rule for how many goals you can have; however, keep in mind that your brain can handle a lot more than you think (more on this later).
Now let’s go to the next step of The Afformations Method—the one that’s about to change your life!
