In case of fire, do not panic: the historic Dubonot Hotel, aka “The Piano Hotel,” built in 1914, will be fine. Over its storied history, the historic Dubonot—“The Hotel with a Player Piano in the Lobby”—has played host to more than 275 (reported) fires—and just look at it! Look around you! The old gal is fine. Some plaster is missing, sure, but we can replace that, and we will, we will. Basically, these kinds of things happen to this hotel all of the time.
Why so many fires? This is probably due to the fact that the historic “Dubonot: the Hotel with the Indefatigable Music Machine” was built directly over a little-known natural-gas fissure in San Francisco’s bedrock. One side effect of this constant seepage of natural gas is the delectable aroma of raw eggs wafting about every nook and cranny. In 1989, Chef Jeremy of Pierre’s, our in-house restaurant, decided to turn a negative into a positive and set out to make the best omelets in the city. He has succeeded spectacularly and is listed in the Guinness Book of World Records for “cracking the most eggs per year” and for “surviving the most kitchen fires of any chef, ever” (229 fires).
Built in 1916, the historic Dubonot is not, as rumor has it, “always” on fire. It is, more aptly put, “usually” on fire. Another word that springs to mind is oftentimes. Our “famous” lobby has had a continuously playing player piano since 1969, and only eighty-seven of the fires have ever burned it down completely. Seventy-eight fires were put out before making it to the lobby, one hundred and thirty-seven of our fires were kept to the basement level, and only fifty-six fires were determined enough to destroy the player piano itself. Mysteriously, one hundred and eighty-seven fires that were started by arson were started near or within the piano itself—as though in retribution for its never-ending merrymaking.
While a fire engulfs the Historic Dubonot Hotel, please avoid the elevators and use the stairs.