ACTUAL-FACTUAL NEW JESUS FACTS

A fresh new Dead Sea Scroll was discovered and deciphered last year, and some fascinating facts about the historical figure of Jesus have come to light.

       1.    Jesus Christ went by the name Jesus and was only called “Geez” by his closest friends.

       2.    He NEVER used the name Jesus H. Christ as we know it. However, there are documents signed “Holy Christ” and “Christ Almighty.” There is no record of him appearing under the moniker “Jesus Christ Almighty” or “Gee Whiz.”

       3.    He once hosted a comedy-benefit-revue-style show for lepers where he appeared in drag as “Geez Louise.”