Eve Mayer
Now that you’re fasting, you may fear that it’s time to put your party clothes in storage. Not to worry: fasting doesn’t mean you have to give up your social life, vacations, celebration time with family, or anything else that’s important to you. This chapter will guide you through the thorny logistical and personal issues surrounding your social life. I promise: a successful fasting plan and a robust social life are not mutually exclusive goals!
Before we get into the nitty-gritty of how to navigate social situations while fasting, you need to understand some basics. One of those involves getting organized. While fasting can be incredibly flexible, working for all kinds of people in all kinds of situations, one critical component of any type of fast is sticking to a preplanned schedule.
At this point I’ve been fasting for so long that sometimes I allow myself to become too flexible with my approach. I may think to myself, Hmmm, I haven’t been eating the way I should for the past couple of days, so I’ll just fast tomorrow. Then I push back tomorrow a couple more times, and suddenly I don’t fast for a week. This usually results in a one- to three-pound weight gain for me over one week. And it isn’t muscle I put on during that period. It is fat.
On the other hand, my obsessive tendencies can get the best of me. I may start a fast that I intend to do for twenty-four hours. The fast will go smoothly, and I’ll start to think, Hmmm, why not extend this to thirty-six hours, or forty-eight hours, or maybe three days, or a week? Suddenly, all my well-laid plans about work and family are up in the air, and my life feels more disorganized than it’s ever been.
These examples are meant to illustrate that fasting is so flexible that you can easily fast too much or not enough, thinking that you can just adjust your life accordingly. If you’re like me, you can’t; life is just too busy not to stick to a plan. Unfortunately, no one can give you a prescription for the exact schedule you need. It’s up to you to figure that out.
When I started fasting, I found this incredibly maddening. I figured that if I found the best specialists in the world, they could just give me the magical fasting schedule that would allow me to meet my goals. But though I met Dr. Fung and Megan Ramos—the best in the business—early on in my fasting journey, even they couldn’t offer such a magical solution.
Now I get it. Megan and Dr. Fung are such pros that they know an ideal fasting schedule must be discovered by people for themselves. Experts can guide, suggest, and share what has worked for thousands—and, in fact, Megan will offer a few great sample plans starting here—but they cannot know the particulars of your life. They can’t know that you love to eat late at night or that you cook for three kids every day or that when you pass McDonald’s your car magically turns into the drive-through. They won’t know that Sunday brunch after church is sacred in your family, and that you need to plan your fasting schedule around it, or that you have a business dinner planned for next week. We all have our quirks, triggers, and schedules to overcome, and only you hold the key to figuring those out.
Fasting requires balance, accountability, and a plan. You get to pick this schedule, and it is customizable to your lifestyle, but you need to work hard on it and adhere to it. If you love to make schedules, then this will come easily to you. Once you decide how often you want to fast on a regular basis, take a look at your life and fit fasting into it.
Here are a few tips on fitting fasting into a wonderful social life.
When I began fasting, I did not know how to plan my fasting around my life. I didn’t strategically select when I should fast, nor did I think about how I’d feel when I fasted. Therefore, when I went to work and saw the free breakfast or lunch my company supplied each week, I’d glare at my co-workers. Sure, I knew when both the free breakfast and free lunch were scheduled because they were on the same day every week, but I thought I’d be okay. I wasn’t. Even though my co-workers were supportive of me the whole time I was fasting, I was an irritable, resentful, all-around-grouchy colleague.
You can learn from my mistakes.
I realize now that it was acceptable to announce my weight loss in the portion of our Monday meeting devoted to each person’s personal and professional win of the week. I also know that it would have been perfectly okay for me not to tell anyone I was fasting. It’s my business, and I could have avoided a lot of questions if I’d done that. However, it was not acceptable for me to fast during the free company meals and be resentful of my colleagues. It was not collegial of me to complain in public about not being able to eat breakfast, nor to announce loudly that I couldn’t have lunch because I was fasting. It was disruptive to my colleagues to wear my terrible circumstances like a badge of honor and bitch about wishing I could eat.
I acted like a martyr, and I regret it.
Luckily, it took only a few months for me to learn how to turn this behavior around, but I wish someone would have told me from the beginning how to not be a jerk when I was fasting. So here it is: When you fast, don’t make it all about you. Fasting is within your control, and you’ve chosen how and when to schedule it. Don’t act as though you’re helpless or suffering because you decided to do it over Thanksgiving, a vacation, or on free breakfast Monday at work. You are in charge of your fasting schedule, so own it.
If possible, plan your fasting to avoid group activities where food is free, available, or everywhere. I could have easily chosen not to fast on the days when my company offered free meals, allowing myself to make healthy food choices with them (or sneak in a doughnut) and fast during the times when food would be less central. I wasn’t fasting every day, so I could have been flexible.
If you are going to be at a group event or party where you know or have a strong suspicion that there will not be foods that are included in your healthy way of eating, bring a dish that you’ll enjoy and share it with the group. If it’s not possible to bring your own dish and you don’t want to eat the type of food that’s being served at an event, eat a full meal before you walk out the door. Grab a drink, keep it in your hand at the party, and focus on socializing. Or, simply go to the party and try a few of the appetizers—in moderation. You’ll be surprised how much this takes the pressure off you to be perfect. Choosing to fast in a nearly impossible situation where there are so many delicious treats can set you up for failure.
Sometimes, it is tough to remember that fasting is a choice. It’s not something you have to do, and you certainly don’t have to do it on a particular day. You have chosen to fast because you want to lose weight and improve your health. You should choose to fast on a particular day because the long-term benefits outweigh the short-term enjoyment of any particular food. You hold all the cards, and you have all the control.
Fasting is going to require that you alter some things yourself and how you spend your time. After all, if you changed nothing about your life, you would end up living in the exact same body you decided could use some improvement. If your social life consists of business lunches five days a week, happy hours with appetizers five days a week, weekend brunches with friends, Friday night dinners with your spouse, and Sunday all-day eating with your family, then yes, you are going to have to make major changes to your social life. You are going to have to adjust your priorities and choose fasting over a life that revolves around food. Luckily, if you’re like me, you can look at your schedule and realize there are minor alterations you can make that will deliver big results.
As a businesswoman, I previously conducted most of my business meetings around food. I provided doughnuts, unhealthy lunches, and birthday cakes for every staff member, and I loved going out for lunches with current or prospective clients three or four times a week. When I started fasting, I cut back on a lot of these food-centered activities. Because I knew my staff still loved sharing treats and meals, I provided healthier alternatives, and instead of individual parties for each member of my staff, we celebrated once a month with cake. When I decided to skip lunch a few days a week, I began to change all my business lunches into coffees. No one seemed to care, and, in fact, few seemed to notice!
Many of us put ourselves in truly difficult situations to try to prove we are strong enough. This is a ridiculous and painful way to handle things. What if instead you treated yourself kindly and gave yourself the best possible chance of succeeding?
Now that I know I can fast successfully and have maintained my weight for the first time in my life, I know when fasting is the right choice for me. Personally, I do not fast for longer than seventeen hours at a time while on vacation or when my extended family is visiting because I know there will be delicious food around that I want to enjoy. I choose to do longer fasts when I am at home, usually just with my husband, and I can keep busy. These are the easiest times for me to be successful.
When do you have the best chances of success? This is when you should schedule your fasting. Fasting is not about saying no to yourself. Fasting is about saying yes to yourself on your own terms!
All these techniques may feel odd at first, but over time they become natural and you stop noticing that you have to do them. To truly change your mind and body, you must expect to make changes to your environment—but that’s not a bad thing. It can be empowering to realize how much of your environment you can control. Give yourself the time you need to adopt the new behaviors and be patient with yourself. Soon, you will begin to enjoy your time at home, at work, at the grocery store, and at restaurants more than you would have ever believed possible because there will be fewer decisions and less stress. Notice your successes, even the small ones, and give yourself credit for making each change. These changes add up quickly, and suddenly, there is a new, happier you staring back from the mirror!
Megan Ramos
My recommendation to my clients is always the same: fit fasting into your lifestyle, don’t fit your lifestyle into your fasting schedule. Just as Eve said, fasting is flexible. That’s why, with a little practice, you can find a balance between fasting consistently enough to reach your weight-loss goals and still maintain a healthy social life. Missing one fasting day is not a big deal, but you also can’t miss them all.
Our lives are hectic, though, and it’s hard to strike a balance between appointments, obligations, and fasting. I’ve found that sometimes overly organized people tend to be too inflexible about their fasting schedule. For example, here’s a scenario I commonly hear:
Client: “Megan, I’m feeling really sad. I missed my college reunion lunch on Wednesday.”
Megan: “Why?”
Client: “I fast for twenty-four hours every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. You know that.”
Megan: “Why couldn’t you fast on Monday, Thursday, and Friday? Or Monday, Tuesday, and Friday?”
Client: “Oh, I don’t know why I didn’t think of that. It didn’t occur to me to be flexible with it.”
On the flip side, some people can be too casual with their fasting schedule, letting it slide just because they associate a situation, a group of people, or a time of the year with feasting. For example, summertime is often problematic for fasters because people are so eager to socialize, barbecue, drink al fresco, and nibble at appetizers by the pool when the weather is nice. Here is another common conversation:
Client: “I’m really frustrated that I haven’t lost any weight. In fact, I think I’ve gained weight.”
Megan: “What fasting regimen are you following?”
Client: “I’m not really fasting. The weekends have been busy with barbecues and family outings.”
Megan: “Well, what about Tuesdays?”
Client: “I’m usually at work.”
Megan: “Why can’t you fast then? Just because all your summer weekends are busy with feasting doesn’t mean that you can’t find a day or two during the weekdays that you can fast.”
Client: “Oh, I hadn’t thought about that.”
The truth is that life is always busy. We often use the summer or weekends as an excuse, but we’re highly social creatures all year long. Holidays are scattered every few months throughout the year as well. Being too rigid, too extreme, or too laid back is a recipe for failure. The people who get the best results from fasting are those who have flexibility and consistency and can plan and organize well. To start you off, here are a few examples of successful, balanced fasting regimens:
The twenty-four-hour fast doesn’t need to be done on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. You can do two days back-to-back and a third day later in the week. You can even do all three days together, which works well if you have a busy long weekend ahead. Many successful people fast Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, and socialize guilt-free with friends and family for the rest of the week.
I don’t recommend committing your fasting schedule to three particular days of the week, every week. Plan your weeks in advance, and if something unexpected pops up on a day you had decided to fast, then fast the next day in your schedule that isn’t blocked off with social engagements.
The thirty-six- or forty-two-hour fast can be very successful, but it’s tough to do it three times a week without disrupting your social life. A good strategy I’ve used myself is to fast for forty-two hours on Mondays and Wednesdays, or Tuesdays and Thursdays. Fridays and Saturdays are flex days, when fasting is an option depending on social engagements. I found it relatively easy to fast for forty-two hours consistently on Mondays and Wednesdays, but I struggled on Fridays and weekends, having tried and failed countless times. Finally, I decided I would just fast twenty-four hours on Fridays and be proud of it. Otherwise, I was being self-destructive on Fridays because a social situation would pop up about 80 percent of the time, so I’d either feel like I was missing out or blowing my fast.
Set a goal of fasting for twenty-four hours to forty-two hours, three times a week. Whatever you can do, be proud of it. Keep your attitude flexible and positive. Don’t try to do too much because you’ll only set yourself up for failure.
Some people find it easier to extend a fast once they’ve started it rather than doing several smaller fasts. If you’re one of these people, a seventy-two-hour fast may be the best option for you. Most people who practice this fasting schedule start the fast Sunday night after a weekend of good feasting, and they break their fast Wednesday night and eat for the rest of the week. This works great for people with very busy weekends with friends and family.
Three days of fasting sounds like a lot, but you’re actually only skipping two weekday dinners, which is good for those whose dinner hour is important family time. It also works well if you’re the primary cook at home since you have to plan in advance for only two meals during the week.
There will be times of the year when you just can’t fast at all. These are occasions like holidays and reunions, or maybe you have overnight guests visiting from out of town. During these occasions, you should still avoid snacking. Why? Because you’ve worked hard to get your blood sugar level stable and reduce your insulin level; snacking will throw a wrench into that progress, and you’ll start to feel hungry all the time again.
During holidays, my major piece of advice is to avoid grazing as much as possible. I know it’s hard because food is everywhere, and so much of it comes in the form of sweets or junk food or greasy hors d’oeuvres—easy-to-eat foods that quickly become hard to keep track of once you start popping them into your mouth. But if you want to embrace and enjoy a feast, you need to focus on the one, full, satisfying meal. Eating less more often is the worst thing you can do for your progress.
Many of my clients have full-blown panic attacks before they go away on vacation. They’ve seen what a week of feasting over Christmas can do to them, and they’re petrified that a week touring Tokyo is going to be twice as bad. Relax! The truth is that vacations are so much easier than holidays! Why? Because during Christmas, Thanksgiving, or many other major family or religious holidays, we’re usually in a house, tempted to graze nonstop. We’re presented with a massive spread of food from the moment we show up at our holiday celebration until the minute we leave. That’s hours of eating! But when you’re traveling, you’re out and about, exploring, walking, visiting the local sights. You’re only stopping to eat meals. That’s it.
A client of mine recently returned from London, terrified to get on the scale.
“Megan, I drank beer and ate chips at every meal,” he said.
Guess what? He lost seven pounds despite eating chips and drinking beer at every meal because he was only eating twice a day while he was away. He wasn’t sitting on the couch in his hotel room every night snacking while watching Netflix. So try to go easy on yourself on vacation, and embrace the feasting. There will be times of the year when you can feast more, and others when you can fast more.