chapter 2

A Wallflower? Or Not?

“I feel bad that I am not as social as my friends. But being reserved doesn’t mean there is something wrong with me. I wish more people understood that.”—Emma, Age 10

In the last chapter, we started our conversation about the biological differences between extroverted and introverted children in terms of energy usage, neurotransmitter dependence, and nervous system functioning. How does this translate to behavior and overall functioning? What does this actually mean for the child?

Extroverts and introverts interact with the world in different and unique ways, including the ways in which they communicate, how they restore their energy reserves, and how they generally behave. Let’s look at each one of these areas one at a time.

I mentioned previously that extroverts are outgoing and talkative. This is because of quick processing pathways activated by dopamine. They are often quick thinking and tend to process their world orally, narrating their day. They are energized by conversation and typically use their communication skills to connect and reenergize. They tend to communicate openly and freely over a large range of topics (Laney, 2005).

Introverts, on the other hand, are more reserved in every aspect of their functioning. They ponder, process, and think about their feelings and thoughts before speaking. They are seldom impulsive with their words and rarely offer random commentaries on life. In fact, most introverts shy away from volunteering information about their thoughts and feelings. If you are interested in knowing what they think, then you are more likely to get information by asking them specific questions and allowing enough processing time for them to answer. They prefer to listen rather than speak. This isn’t to say that introverts aren’t good conversationalists. They can be, but only on topics of interest and with people they trust (Laney, 2005).

In addition to the differences in communication, extroverts and introverts also renew in different ways. As mentioned in Chapter 1, both groups rely on different aspects of their nervous system, with extroverts predominantly using the sympathetic nervous system, and introverts using the parasympathetic nervous system more regularly (Laney, 2002). It is not surprising, then, that the two groups are energized in different ways, with extroverts seeking connection and introverts seeking solitude. This difference in energy can often be why the two groups find it difficult to understand one another—what makes one happy and energized leaves the other feeling overwhelmed and agitated.

Figure 2 shows other ways that the two temperaments differ in terms of day-in, day-out functioning. As you can see, the two groups differ in almost every respect. Extroverts are more typically risk-takers, gain information through action, seldom hold back their emotions, are energized by people, and present in the same way publically and privately. Introverts are cautious and only take a risk once they understand the “rules” of the given situation. They gain information through thinking and introspection, and are intense in their emotions and tend to bottle them inside until they explode. They are fatigued by people and have two personas—one for the public and one for private.

Figure 2. Attributes of extroverts and introverts.

 

Attributes	Extroverts	Introverts
Communication skills	Outgoing and talkative, somewhat impulsive	Reserved and quiet, prefers to listen rather than speak; can be good conversationalists in small groups.
Renewal pattern	Seeks stimulation externally through connections and action	Seeks stimulation internally through solitude and contemplation
Learning	Learns from the environment, through action; impulsive and willing to take risks.	Learns by watching and through internal contemplation and introspection; cautious.

Knowing the differences between the two temperaments, both in terms of how the two biologically differ, as well as how those differences translate into attributes is only the beginning. Both temperaments have potential negative outcomes resulting from their unique attributes (see Figure 3). Extroverts can burn out from the overreliance on the sympathetic nervous system and the resultant desire for continuous stimulation. Introverts can become overly withdrawn when left alone for too long. Furthermore, they can become agitated when they have to spend too much time in social situations.

Figure 3. The downside of temperament.

 

	Potential Problem	Intervention
Extroverts	Overstimulation: Burn-out resulting from an overreliance on the sympathetic nervous system Understimulation: Unable to focus, increased impulsivity	Overstimulation: Learn relaxation techniques; schedule short periods of calm and solitude into the day; learn self-monitoring techniques to regulate behavior and slow thinking down as needed Understimulation: Schedule periods of social connection and activity into the day; Learn self-monitoring techniques to increase focus; work for short periods of time, followed by activity
Introverts	Overstimulation: Increased agitation, short temper, emotional outbursts, excessive withdrawal Understimulation: Withdrawal and isolation	Overstimulation: Schedule periods of solitude into the day; learn calming strategies; seek solitude after long periods of social connection; set good boundaries on your time Understimulation: Schedule periods of activity into the day; make exercise a part of the day

Both extroverts and introverts have things they can learn from their counterparts, behaviors they can emulate when needed. The extrovert can learn how to think more deliberately and how to relax. The introvert, in turn, can learn how to be more social and outgoing when the situation calls for it. The chart above shows interventions designed to address and mediate the potential negatives of each temperament.

In the next chapter, we will look more closely at the attributes of introversion, as well as why the Western culture favors the extrovert and what that means for our introverted children.

Class Notes: The Myths of Introversion

Ask educators for a synonym for introversion and they will typically come up with “shy” and “withdrawn.” Rarely do they indicate the actual attributes of introversion, let alone their biological foundations. Part of the reason for this is due to the ways our Western culture has characterized introversion as being negative, something we will explore in greater depth in Chapter 3. This characterization has led to a number of ideas about introversion that are not rooted in research, a pathologizing of introversion connecting this temperament with everything from social anxiety and autism, to sensory integration problems and attention problems.

In truth, the disorders mentioned above can impact all temperaments. They are conditions that, despite some overlap, impact far more than the systems discussed with introversion, including all areas of a child’s functioning.

What, then, is introversion? Sometimes the best way to understand the true attributes of introversion is to gain insight as to what it is not. As I mentioned earlier, our culture supports a negative view of introversion, one based on assumptions that distort the value of introversion in general (Laney, 2005).

One assumption comes from Freud’s original ideas of introversion and involves the belief that introverts are more self-centered and self-absorbed than their extroverted counterparts. The truth is more complex. Introverts can often appear to be lost in their own thoughts. However, this is not a sign of some narcissism, just temperament. Introverted children are deep thinkers interested in deep feelings and beliefs. In this way, they can be strong contributors to groups if their need for a calm environment can be met or when the groups can be managed to maintain a small number.

A similar assumption is that introverts tend to shy away from friendships and prefer to be alone. As I mentioned above, introverts enjoy learning about other people. Friendships, especially ones with people who will volunteer information and take the lead in conversations, are important to introverts. It is true that introverts may “appear” to have less friends or prefer one or two very close relationships over a plethora of people to “hang out” with. But they still want the connection that a meaningful friendship brings.

As stated earlier, many people confuse shyness with introversion. In truth, a person of any temperament can appear “shy.” Defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary as someone who is easily frightened, hesitant in committing themselves, or avoidant of certain people or things, shyness crosses temperament and is often rooted in both the environment and experiences of the child. Although shyness does describe behaviors that many introverts demonstrate, extroverts are not immune from acting shy in specific situations. Consider the extroverted student who loves to be the “class clown” but avoids public speaking. He could be referred to as shy when it comes to that activity, despite being an extrovert. Or consider one of my earlier examples from my own life—how I overcame my reluctance to perform in front of others, but still continued to behave like an introvert in many other domains.

All in all, our culture continues to mislabel temperament with regard to introversion, coloring many of the associated behaviors in a negative or incorrect light. This mislabeling bleeds into the classroom, impacting the ability of our educational system to meet the needs of many of our introverted students. Educators teach in ways that enhance and appeal to extroversion, while minimizing activities that may be better suited for introverts. This is especially true in our era of peer-share and group-tasks education. We push our introverted children to speak more, think in specific ways, and limit creativity by reducing the “downtime” most creative endeavors require. And when our introverts are unsuccessful, we pathologize their temperament, mislabeling it again.

In the next chapter, we will examine some of the benefits of introversion to the classroom setting, focusing on the strengths of that temperament. Chapters 5–7 will focus even more closely on the ways in which introverted students learn.

ATTRIBUTES OF INTROVERSION Q&A

As illuminated throughout the chapter, extroverts and introverts behave in different ways as a result of their biological differences. No doubt, these differences have led to a few questions. Here are some of the questions that are regularly asked in my workshops and through letters and e-mails.

My son will take a lot of annoyance before responding, but when he does respond, there is often no warning—it’s a 0–60, okay-to-major lash out. Is this typical, and how can we as parents combat this?

Yes, introverts do tend to bottle up their feelings, exploding when they can’t take anything more. The result—explosive arguments and difficulties with both friendships and parent-child relationships. This happens because introverts struggle when it comes to openly talking about their feelings. They will answer specific questions, but only when they trust the person they are talking to and only when they have the words to pull from. This entire thing can be complicated further if you happen to have an intense child due to giftedness or other sensitivities.

Parents can help introverted children balance out this aspect of their temperament in a couple of ways: first, by creating a sense of trust with your child, and second, by teaching your child how to talk about his or her emotions at a young age. Helping him normalize his feelings goes a long way to assisting the introverted child in being willing to discuss his feelings.

There are many other tips that can help mediate the actual explosion or build-up of emotion that I will cover in the next few sections.

What are the different neurotransmitters impacting temperament, and how do they relate to the attributes of extroversion and introversion?

The two main neurotransmitters researched with reference to temperament are dopamine and acetylcholine. Dopamine, the main neurotransmitter responsible for reward-based learning in the brain and linked to activation of the sympathetic nervous system (such as “fight or flight”), is more widely utilized by extroverts. Use of this neurotransmitter is linked to the need of extroverts to seek others for renewal, as well as their quick thinking, willingness to take risks, and action-oriented behaviors.

Introverts tend to utilize acetylcholine as their preferred neurotransmitter. Acetylcholine is also involved in the autonomic nervous system functions, activating many parasympathetic nervous system functions (such as “rest and digest”). An introvert’s use of acetylcholine is linked to her deep thinking and strong focusing abilities, as well as her seemingly slow response times when communicating and preference for calm and quiet environments.

It’s important to remember that humans widely use many neurotransmitters throughout their daily functioning. But understanding which neurotransmitters are both preferred and function in rewarding ways to extroverts and introverts helps us to understand why and how temperament impacts daily functioning.

Is there a way to predict temperament based on a baby’s over- or underreactions to the environment?

The works of Kagan and Snidman (2004) and Laney (2005) suggest that you can predict temperament based on a child’s sensitivity to their environment, with highly sensitive babies being more likely introverted. That said, I would say that there are a lot of variables that influence how a child, especially a baby, interacts with his environment. Things like cognition, nutrition, prenatal influences, and familial environment are all highly influential to a baby’s reactions to the environment, in addition to temperament. It would be somewhat impossible to regulate all of the variables to get a clean understanding of the ways in which each impacts functioning and responses. And I am not certain that is needed in order to understand an infant’s responses and influence outcomes. More important, I think, is a global understanding of how all of the factors work together to shape and mold children.

Ultimately, babies want to feel safe within their environment. This involves knowing there is food available, having shelter, and most of all, having the presence of a caring caregiver to provide touch and security. If we focus first on these things, the influence of temperament, cognitive development, and other biologically framed attributes will become clear.

I find that as my introverted child ages, she is less introverted. Doesn’t this contradict the idea that temperament is fixed and a matter of biology?

I love this question. It speaks to changes in our behavioral reaction to environmental situations, not our biology. Human beings are a true balance of nature and nurture. Although we cannot change our hardwiring, we can develop different patterns of responding to the world or new behaviors. The key is to take our basic hardwiring and look for ways to enhance our nature, not work against it. There are definite benefits to both introversion and extroversion. Working with our individual hardwiring is the key to developing our potential. Teaching our children to do the same is the key to developing theirs.

After seeing the differences between extroversion and introversion, I can really see that my students’ temperaments have an impact on their learning. What advice do you have for educators on using this information in a classroom setting?

First, I think it is important to recognize the impact of temperament on learning and the classroom environment. Second, I think it is important to create somewhat neutral learning environments that neither overstimulate nor understimulate but provide a canvas upon which teaching and creation can occur. This means having a sensitive eye to things like loud, chaotic, visually overwhelming environments that can push an introvert into overload and overly quiet, sparse environments that make an extrovert cringe.

Once a neutral environment is created, an educator can look at creating safety within the environment, both in terms of taking academic risks, as well as allowing for well-balanced peer interactions. Including a variety of learning modalities and opportunities for mastery can also assist in creating places in which both extroverts and introverts can strive.

Above everything, I think it is important to remain open-minded, meeting your students where they are and bringing them to where you like them to be. This requires a clear understanding of your own biases and preferences and a willingness to remain open to your student despite these potential barriers. It can be a challenging thing, but staying neutral in terms of judgment is one of the best ways you can meet the needs of an ever-increasingly diverse student population.

 

In a Nutshell …

Big Ideas

❖ There are significant behavioral differences between extroverts and introverts.

❖ Introverts prefer to think and listen.

❖ Introverts seek solitude for renewal.

❖ Introverts need time to ponder questions before answering them.

❖ Introverts are deep thinkers and often bottle up their emotions until they explode.

❖ Both extroverts and introverts benefit from balancing their temperament.

Supplemental Pages

❖ Figure 2: Attributes of Extroverts and Introverts—page 21

❖ Figure 3: The Downside of Temperament—page 22