Dad Said He Just Wanted to Teach Us a Lesson

One cold winter morning dad said he was gonna drive me and Ralphie to school. We were so glad. Not too many kids had to walk in such awful weather and we were just thrilled to not have to be amongst those straggers comin’ in half froze to death. We got ready and out we went with dad. We were livin’ in the housing project near the college then and the whole complex was surrounded by metal cyclone fencing. We skipped along toward the parking lot. Just before we went through the gate, dad stopped and said, “See that frozen fence post . . . put yer tongue on it.” We hopped over and did just that. We thought it was some kind of fun game until we couldn’t get loose. Then we panicked and jerked away. It hurt so bad. Dad laughed all the way to school. Me and Ralphie didn’t think it was funny. We just sat in the back seat tryin’ not to cry. Finally we got there and dad let us out. We ran across the playground and then Ralphie started tellin’ kids how we’d gotten a ride that day. He kept announcing to anyone who would listen, “My dad brought me to school . . . my dad brought me to school.” I just watched him. I didn’t get it. How could Ralphie be that proud and happy about a stupid ride when our tongues were nearly ripped out.