Contents
“Why Can’t You Kids Talk Right?”
All It Needed Was A Little Freon
Meat, Milk, Vegetables and Cereal
She Gave Him Some of the Cookies to Take Home
They Come by That Meanness Honestly
He Wasn’t About to Quit the Cigs
He Never Cut Ralphie Any Slack
“No Von Better Call Me Again Like Dat”
What Came Around . . . Didn’t Go Around
“The Only Thing Worse Than a Preacher . . . Is a Preacher’s Son”
She Was Drinkin’ . . . Drinkin’ Jist Like a Man
“. . . Worth a Thousand Words”
“She Ain’t Got Any Business . . . Goin’ Anywhere”
“Cain’t You Take Care of Nothin’?”
“They Eat Snails Over There Too”
“He Might Not of Thought She Was Worth Killing”
“Git Out Dee Nice Kaffee Set, Landa”
Word Power . . . the Power of Words
“They Have Manners Over There”
“She Never Even Hugged Me . . . Once”
She Didn’t Even Have a Scrub Board
“You Kids Jist Go on Down There”
“I Didn’t Think She’d Make It Through the Winter”
A Cop Come to Our Door One Day
Dad Said He Just Wanted to Teach Us a Lesson
Necessity IS the Mother of Invention
She Didn’t Even Know What P.T.A. Stood For
“A Republican . . . Without a Pot to Piss In”
“Size Ain’t Necessarily All It’s Cracked Up to Be”
She Didn’t Get Pregnant That Summer
“Big Red Slicers . . . 6 fer a Quarter”
My Pregnancy and His Existentialism
Wanted: Live in Babysitter—Pregnant Teenager Ok
She Liked to Say, “The Baby Has Mike’s Eyes”
“It Was Fun . . . We Had the Time of Our Lives”
“They Know I Love Them Dearly”
“Well If It’s Too Much Mom . . . Just Don’t Eat It All”
“I Just Luff Nice Tings to Ver”
“Ain’t Nothin’ Wrong with You”
“She’s Just Peddlin’ Dope Up There”
“I’ll Get Me a Second Opinion, Thank You”
He Was Gonna Major in Philosophy
“You Got Any Money . . . He Heeds Him a New Transmission”
“How Could He Be My Relative?”
Maybe Somebody Will Say, “Hi, Ralph”
Things Change . . . Swamps Are Drained