“How Could He Be My Relative?”

One fall Ralphie wrangled a job workin’ on a guy’s cabin. He hadn’t seen mom in years and I had a chance to take her up there. It was a 4 hour drive. Ralphie didn’t smile when he saw us. Mom hugged him but he kept his arms to his side. He just stood there stiff. Little Ralphie was there too but he was so fat mom didn’t know who he was. Mom thought he was just some guy helpin’ Ralphie. We hung around and talked alittle and then they had to get to work. Me and mom went to look for a motel. There was room in the cabin but Ralphie hadn’t asked us to stay. We drove around but couldn’t find a place that would take us and the dog. Finally I stopped at a camp site and a man said he’d rent me a pop-up camper but I’d need my own sleeping bags. I told Ralphie we didn’t have sleeping bags. I said, “We’d need some covers and pillows.” All he could say was, “Well . . . why don’t you jist make it a day trip . . . jist make it a day trip.” It was almost dark now and gettin’ cold. Me and mom were tired. We weren’t gonna be able to “jist make it a day trip.” I stood there lookin’ at Ralphie . . . that useless prick. He didn’t give a shit about me and mom. His answer to the dilemma was for me to just start drivin’. I couldn’t believe it . . . but then again, of course I could. Finally little Ralphie got up and started rounding up quilts and bed spreads and covers. He made a big pile by the door and said, “You can use these . . . we don’t need em.” Me and mom took that stuff and went back to the camp site. We bundled up and managed to stay warm. The next morning we dropped the covers off and just left. Mom said, “Ralph don’t look goot Landa . . . I hardly recognized him.” “Yeah,” I said, “He’s a god damn stranger . . . always has been.”