Imagine you’re standing in front of your closet in a towel, post-shower. What to wear, what to wear? It’s a weekday and so you’re getting dressed for work. The company culture is casual and you don’t work at a place that gives you a uniform. You can pretty much wear what you want, but you’re feeling fat, like your usual bloated, overweight self, so you can immediately narrow things down to a few frequently worn options:
If you’re a woman, those might be:
• Black elastic-waistband pants (size XL) and a loose-fitting blouse.
• Dark gray leggings (also elastic waistband, size L) and an oversized tunic-like top.
• A stretchy black pencil skirt that pinches around the waist after an hour (size M), and the same blouse from outfit 1.
• The size 12 jeans you bought when you were thinner, a loose white T-shirt, and a boxy dark blue blazer that covers your butt.
Given these choices, I’m guessing your thought process might go something like this:
Well, option 1 could be accessorized with a chunky bracelet and necklace to draw attention away from the “fat pants.” Same goes for outfit 2.
That skirt is tempting—it is a medium, after all (note to self: shop more at that store because their sizing is fab!), but wearing it reminds me of my waist all day long, which is a bummer.
The jeans really aren’t an option at all—getting into them is difficult, wearing them is hell, and they’ve been gathering dust for months—but I always put them in the running because there is a certain satisfaction to wearing size 12, no matter how uncomfortable.
All things being equal, I’ll go with outfit 2 because it’s comfortable without being totally sloppy. The fact that the pants are large and not XL is a bonus; getting into the medium skirt but being totally aware of the pinch at the waist all day doesn’t feel worth it.
Going out tonight? Maybe, just maybe, you’ll wedge yourself into those jeans since you can always unbutton them under the cover of darkness at the restaurant! Then again, add some sparkly jewelry to outfits 1 or 2 and you’ll be a whole lot more comfortable at the table. Yeah, you’re probably going to go with the “fat pants” for going out, too.
Have you heard the argument that you should dress for the job you want, not the job you have? Reason being, other people will see you as someone who should be in charge if you dress like someone who is. Well, the same kind of psychology works on yourself as well as others. And when it comes to weight, the person you are trying to manipulate is you.
Work at home or not going out tonight? Break out the yoga pants and hoodie!
If you’re a guy, your options aren’t too dissimilar, except for the skirt and leggings. You’ve probably got some “Big and Tall” khaki pants (maybe they’re even elastic waistband), some broken-in and baggy “fat” jeans, and some newer pants that are stiff and require a belt. For tops you’ve probably got a lot of T-shirts, sweaters, sweatshirts, and button-downs that you never tuck in. You have a sport coat or blazer that you keep buttoned over your beer belly. On weekends you break out your sweats—ah, comfortable at last!
There’s certainly a lot to be said for having a couple of comfortable “go-to” outfits that save you time in the morning. But knowing what I do about the psychology of self-care and how it relates to weight, it shouldn’t surprise you to hear that in this chapter I’m going to push you to break out of your go-to mold and make more of an effort with your appearance. Saving time in the morning is one thing, but giving up is another. We’re going to have none of that from now on!
You might argue that skinny people take more care with their clothes and appearance because they have a more enviable figure to “show off,” but I’m not having any of that either. I am here to tell you what I know to be true: “dressing the part” contributes to being that person.
Mark Twain said, “The clothes make the man.” In other words, either people will judge you by what you wear (which you knew already) or you can make statements about yourself through what you wear. And I’m not talking about making fashion statements! I’m talking about how the care you take with your appearance communicates a whole lot about your emotional state (to others) and will even change your emotional state (for yourself).
A study at the University of Hertfordshire a few years ago studied whether there is a link between your mood and what you choose to put on. Professor Karen Pine asked one hundred women what they choose to wear when they are depressed. Half of them said jeans. Fifty-seven percent said that they would wear a baggy top when depressed; only 2 percent said they’d wear baggy tops when happy. They also reported that they were ten times more likely to put on a favorite dress when happy (62 percent) than when they were depressed (6 percent).
Ultimately, Pine’s study found that there really is something called “happy clothes.” What are they? Clothing that is well-cut, figure-enhancing, and brightly colored. “Exactly the qualities jeans lack,” she noted.
Another researcher, Professor Tammy Kinley at the University of North Texas, looked at this from a slightly different perspective: she wanted to see if there is a correlation between clothing size and self-esteem. Kinley’s idea was that the very act of fitting into a smaller or larger than expected garment would affect a person’s self-esteem. To test this, she recruited 149 normal-weight women and asked each to complete a questionnaire that established a baseline measure for self-esteem and body image, the size pants they buy most often, and other information about where they lived and what they did for a living. She then divided this group in two. One group would try on a brand of pants that would fit in a smaller than expected size; the other group would try on a brand of pants that would fit in a larger than expected size. Kinley later questioned the subjects about their experience and the results are probably no surprise to you: the women who tried on pants in a smaller than expected size were psyched. Anyone who did not fit into the pants they were given were sorely disappointed.
Clothing manufacturers understand the psychology at play here. They know you are likely to buy something that’s in a size you don’t usually fit into (sometimes even if it’s more expensive). They know that you are actually more likely to buy that smaller-sized something just because of the smaller size, even if you don’t really need it or weren’t shopping for clothes in the first place. And they know that given the choice, you’ll probably come back to their store because you like seeing a smaller size on the tag in your closet! So, they fudge the sizing to flatter you, to get you to come back, to get you to buy more of their “Mediums.” There’s even an industry term for the practice: vanity sizing!
You know you’re guilty of vanity size shopping. Even if you know what they’re up to, you chase that smaller size anyway, right? Buy the clothes with the label you like if you really like the look and feel better or if it’s more reasonably priced, but don’t fool yourself into thinking you’ve dropped a whole dress size just by walking across the street from a boutique dress shop (where sizes tend to be accurate or even smaller than normal) to a big box store (where they tend to size things larger, to make you feel smaller!)
Smaller seeming (i.e., labeled) clothes may boost your self-esteem, but I’m guessing that truly smaller clothes don’t, no matter how “happy” they are otherwise (colorful, nicely cut, etc.). They pinch and they press, constantly reminding you that you have weight to lose. Their bright colors and tailored lines call attention to parts of your body you’d rather hide, right?
But it turns out that having a constant physical reminder of your weight is exactly the thing you need. Thin and healthy people take their cues from how their clothes fit!
In the early 1980s, John Garrow, considered the dean of obesity studies in England, got an idea for an experiment that might measure what I call “the tight clothes effect.” For several years, Garrow had witnessed the rise of what, to our millennial eyes, might seem pretty barbaric: the practice of jaw wiring to help people lose weight. (I wonder what they might have thought of gastric bypass back then!) The practice, though painful and hard to endure, often worked—for a while. But when patients got their jaws unwired, they regained the weight.
Garrow pondered the situation and could see that the jaw wiring gave an obvious physical reminder and signal to eat less. He wondered what other physical signals would give the average person that same message. He decided to test something a lot less radical than jaw wiring: a waist band. Unlike today’s invasive lap band procedure, Garrow’s band simply wrapped around the person’s waist (under their clothes, but not under their skin!). It was just tight enough to leave a white—but not red—mark when removed. It was like a slightly uncomfortable belt. After their experience with jaw wiring, half his test subjects got the band; half did not.
What happened? As Garrow wrote, the results were “a striking difference between the two groups in the weight change.” In the control group, the ones who didn’t get the band, weight regain commenced unchecked—by about three pounds a month. In the banded group there was no gain; the effect seemed to be a lasting one. At five months the control group had continued to regain; the banded group had regained nothing.
WARDROBE WELLNESS
Wear a Belt
Just like pants or a skirt that fits snugly around the waist, a belt is a natural gauge of how much you’ve eaten on a given day. If you have to loosen your belt, you know you need to push back from the table!
Keep the Stretchy Material for Your Workouts
Spandex adds stretchiness (and comfort) to clothing, but think of it this way: it also adds give. Wearing something with give makes it really hard to keep tabs on whether you’re expanding or getting thinner.
Consider Your Shoes
The one place that pinch and discomfort isn’t productive is in your feet. You don’t need an excuse not to take the stairs at work or skip your evening walk! That said, wearing dress shoes (i.e., not schlumpy slip-ons) that don’t hurt can make you walk the walk a little taller and more self-assuredly.
It’s All About the Base
A newscaster once told me that she wears a sports bra under her professional clothes most days. Having that awkward-to-put-on base layer already in place makes it one step easier to go out for a run after work.
Garrow believed that the band helped overweight people obtain a “cognitive threshold,” a kind of psychological limit to their eating. The “banding effect” seemed to continue even after the band was removed. As Garrow wrote: “It was noticeable that those patients who maintained weight loss were those who bought new clothes that fitted at their reduced weight and warned them when their weight increased.” They, and their tummies, had gotten the message!
In other words, while elastic waistbands and big shirts are comfortable, a little discomfort may be the reminder/motivation you need to stick to your if/then contingency plans and make healthier food choices every day. So you should opt for that pencil skirt that pinches a little after all!
Ask my friend Amanda (from Chapter 4) how she knows when to stop eating, and she’ll tell you, “It’s about the pants! My clothes are one of the most important things that keep me on track. If they are tight, they remind me I’m getting fat, that I should pay attention. If they fit me well, I feel good about myself. My day is better!” Exactly!
As much as I want your clothes to remind you that you need to watch what you’re putting in your mouth or you need to move a little more, I don’t want them to make you feel bad. There’s a very big difference!
Clothes that are slightly snug but that once made you feel terrific have the potential—through the gentle reminder of their snugness—to make you feel terrific again one day soon. They are what I would call aspirational—they help guide you toward healthy choices.
Clothes that are too tight—that haven’t really fit you in years—well, those clothes might just sit in your closet and mock you. And they’ll sap you of your emerging confidence. They’ll contribute to the automatic and irrational thoughts you’re trying to override with Habit 2. They’ll make you feel bad about yourself every time you glimpse them. Feeling bad about yourself is not productive.
A recent survey by the makers of Slimfast revealed that more than two-thirds of women have fourteen items of clothing hanging in their closet that no longer fit, and they say they hold on to them in the hopes that they’ll someday be able to wear them again. The thing is, there’s a blurry line between a rational hope like that and an irrational attachment to clothing that maybe never fit well or suited you to begin with! You’re going to have to get tough with yourself and figure out the difference.
I’m sure you’ve heard the rule that if you haven’t worn something in a year, you should get rid of it. I actually have a slightly less rigid way of assessing what’s in your closet: I want you to forget about how long something in your closet has been untouched and instead consider why it’s still there. If it’s there for a good reason, I don’t care how long it’s been on the hanger!
You’ll need to come back to this self-assessment in the Habit Homework, but for now here’s how to make the judgment call:
Did you wear this item of clothing for some special and memorable event, an event you don’t ever want to forget? A prom or bridesmaid dress? Your wedding tux? The jeans you wore the summer you learned to drive? If the event that was memorable has nothing to do with the size you were when it happened, then fine, keep the clothing as a memento, but don’t obsess about getting into it again. Chances are it is way out of fashion anyway. Keep it for your kid’s dress-up box!
Are you keeping this item of clothing because it was expensive and you’re determined to get your money’s worth? Get over it! The money is spent and the dress gets no wear. Maybe you should bring it to a consignment shop and try to get some of that investment back. Use the earnings to buy something that fits you well now (not baggy, not loose).
Do you have the same item of clothing in several other sizes in your closet? As in, do you have four different-sized pants of the same brand and style? Come on…you don’t need to do this to yourself. Keep the pair that fits best and the pair that fits slightly less well at the moment. Toss or donate the two pairs that are not even close.
Are you keeping this item of clothing because you loved how it made you feel when it fit right? You just loved the fabric, the fit, the flow, the looks you got when wearing it? There are legitimate reasons to keep that piece of clothing. Something just a little too tight can keep you motivated; it can even be the piece of clothing by which you measure your progress back to your ideal weight. But here’s where I do want you to invoke time as a guide. Ask yourself, When did I last try this on? I mean, do you try it on regularly (as a measure of your progress), or has it just been sitting there in your closet untouched because it’s nowhere near fitting? If the latter, you’d be better off getting rid of its taunting presence. When you get back to your ideal weight, you can go out and celebrate by buying something new!
Other results from Slimfast’s survey:
• Women keep ill-fitting items for an average of fourteen months; 15 percent say they have kept pieces that don’t fit for more than two years.
• Seventy-nine percent of women frequently dread getting dressed because most of their clothes don’t fit.
• If it meant they could fit into everything in their closet, 57 percent said they’d be willing to wash all the dishes by hand for a month, and more than one in ten said they’d take a pay cut.
• Eighty-three percent of women admitted to lying about their pants size more often than their age!
And don’t forget this important criterion: Is this item of clothing in your closet or in your drawers because it’s super comfortable and easy to slip on every day? Hmm…that might not be a good thing. If the clothing in question is a dumpy pair of sweatpants or a muumuu, you should toss it or give it away because you want to be wearing clothing that does more than technically fit (a tent or a garbage bag technically fits, after all!). You want to wear clothes that make you feel good about yourself!
Clothing, as well as haircuts, cosmetics, a tan, and a fresh shave, is a personal choice. Very personal. Yet according to a study commissioned by KIA (yes, the Korean car company!), there seem to be some fairly universal choices that make people feel confident. Actually, KIA did the poll to ascertain “what makes people feel sexy” as part of a rollout of a new model of car. Since feeling sexy is one way to describe feeling confident, I think it’s relevant (though what will the car companies think of next?). Confidence is what we want to cultivate here. So take a look at the KIA list, in order by the most common answers, and consider if these things would help you feel confident (sexy) too:
1. A new haircut
2. A sunny day
3. Walking in heels
4. Learning a new skill
5. Booking a holiday
6. Shaved legs
7. Lipstick
8. Glowing tan
9. Little black dress
10. Designer perfume
1. A sunny day
2. Freshly shaved face
3. A new suit
4. Freshly brushed teeth
5. A nice-smelling aftershave
6. Being praised at work
7. A new haircut
8. Sleeping in freshly washed sheets
9. Learning a new skill
10. Someone agreeing to go on a date
Okay, chin up…shoulders back. It is time to tackle your wardrobe and commit to some self-care. It might be challenging to find time to do this, but trust me, this is a vital part of getting and staying healthily thin. Say it after me: how we look affects how we feel, and how we feel affects what we eat. Exactly! So let’s get to work and polish up your armor, so you look good and shiny out there on the battlefield!
Using the above rules of thumb for assessing what’s been collecting dust in your closet, you’re going to inventory what’s there and you’re going to chuck, chuck, and chuck some more. Or donate. Just get the stuff that’s cluttering your closet (and hijacking you emotionally) out of your house!
GET SOME HELP: Consider hiring someone to help you organize and sort your clothing; it would be a worthwhile investment. Or find an honest friend who you think has a good sense of style, and ask her to come over and be your second set of eyes. Offer to take her out for lunch in exchange for her (brutally honest) opinions! Remember, anything that doesn’t make you look and feel good goes on the chuck pile! When you are done, take stock of what you have left and make a list of any items you need to buy.
DONATE: Your clothes will help others, but only if you get them out the door. Getting rid of that pile of unwanted clothes is an important step on the path to staying skinny! Don’t let it sit there for weeks, just in case you change your mind. You are not going to change your mind! Bag them up the same day, and drive them to your nearest thrift store or clothing donation box. If your brutally honest friend is with you, do it on the way to lunch!
REPLENISH: Time to go shopping. Make a list of what you need so as not to be tempted by the size 10 thing that you don’t need and would never wear but want to buy because it’s a size 10. Ask a stylish, honest friend to shop with you. And then be a tough judge: only buy clothes that make you look and feel good! Do not be swayed by vanity sizing. Pick out some key items that you need, and make sure that they fit the “happy clothes” bill—they are well-cut, figure-enhancing, and colorful. If you are not sure, put them back.
So, besides fitting into those skinny jeans again, besides losing the twenty-five pounds you set out to lose last New Year’s, what makes you feel good about yourself? Getting your hair cut or colored? Treating yourself to a mani/pedi? Getting a massage? Time to start a new beauty routine:
• Get a new haircut. It doesn’t have to be drastic, just something that puts a spring in your step. Flick through magazines for ideas, and ask your hairdresser for advice.
• Treat yourself to a facial. If you are on a budget, treat yourself to a homemade facial. You can make an amazing low-budget face mask using food right out of your kitchen, such as avocado, honey, yogurt, and a squirt of lemon. There are endless recipes online for homemade face treats. Invite a friend over and have fun with it.
• Book yourself for a mani/pedi. If you can afford it, treat yourself to a deluxe one so that you can relax in the vibrating chair and let yourself be pampered!
• Treat yourself to a massage. It may seem like a luxury, but being comfortable in your body is an important part of staying skinny. Tension in the body causes tension in the mind, and vice versa. And we all know where that leads…Most of us are more knotted up than we realize. Consider spending a day at the spa. Take a friend and enjoy a good, long soak!