Righteous Introduction

My uncle Pashqua used to say, “Any occasion is a good occasion for a meal.” No one was ever more right … or sweaty.

As an Italian, I know that a good meal isn’t reserved for just Hallmark holidays, pretentious dinner parties, or … some other example because comedy works best in threes. Oh no! Every day there’s a good reason to *shkoff! From One-Night-Stand Breakfasts to Dump ’Em Desserts, this cookbook focuses on the other occasions—the daily dish that’s relevant to a new generation who simply don’t give a flying fuck about stuffing a turkey in the name of pillaging.

And when these overlooked occasions arise, you’ve got to celebrate, devise, deal. And what better way to deal, than to stuff your face like a savage? Food brings your friends, family, and thighs closer together. It can soften a blow, get you your way, or channel your rage. Food gives us a reason to wake up in the morning (and eat breakfast), visit our grandparents, stay in crappy relationships! And that’s what this cookbook explores at its very core: the connection between food, circumstance, and greased-up chiseled man babes … What was my point again?

Oh yeah … Bitchin’ Kitchen! But it goes even deeper than that! It’s about me, I mean “us.” It’s about Net Genners, Punk-Italian Fusion, and Angry Squirrels. It’s about kicking polite pastel lifestyles in the ass, rocking your kitchen, and letting the boys clean up the mess.

I know what you’re thinking: “Is that my cell phone ringing?” Of course it is! But I don’t care, because this is a righteous introduction. So sit back, take off at least one of your socks, and get ready to get your hands dirty, because you’re going to shkoff like you’ve never shkoffed before! (Or you can always just look at the pretty pictures. Come on, everybody likes pictures.)

*NOTE:

Whenever you see an asterisk, it means you can check the Glossary for a definition of this saying—that s if you’re not already familiar with Italian-American slang, *capisce?