“I know they’re revolting!” bellowed Sir Basil. “Just look at how revoltingly ugly they are.”

“They’re rebelling, I mean. And they’re not ugly, sir,” spoke up Bob. “They’re beautiful! Look!”

The boy’s words stopped the zoo owner in his tracks. Sir Basil was amazed. All the animals who were normally ignored had crowds gathered around them.

“How did this happen?” asked Sir Basil, looking mightily confused.

The boy smiled, but was too shy to speak up for himself. His friend Winston took over.

“It was all thanks to this young boy here. Mr Bob loves this zoo, but his grandpa can only afford to take him once a year. It’s his absolute favourite place to go. So I let him in without a ticket.”

“Mmm …” Sir Basil sounded unconvinced that allowing someone into his zoo for free could ever be a good idea.

“He loves the animals who most of the other visitors to the zoo completely ignore.”

“The blobfish especially,” piped up Bob, adding sadly. “The bullies at my school said I looked like it.”

The zoo owner studied the boy for a moment. “Hmm. Yes. I can see the resemblance.”

“They call me ‘Blob’,” added Bob. “I’ve always had a funny face. I come from a family of funny faces. My grandpa has a funny face, as did all his relatives. I suppose that’s why I feel so at home in the zoo around the animals. It’s full of funny faces.”

“Who are these bullies?” asked Winston kindly.

“Oh, just some boys at my school.” The boy looked down at his feet.

“I’d like to meet them!” replied the zookeeper, a look of anger flashing across his face.

“Me too!” said Sir Basil. His eyes were wet with tears at the boy’s sad story. “I’d like to give them a piece of my mind. Now, Blob … I am terribly sorry, I mean Bob. Bob. Not Blob. Bob. Now, Blob, I don’t think you need to leave my zoo after all.”

“No?” asked the boy.

“No. In fact, I would like to offer you and your grandfather lifetime passes to my zoo.”

“WOW! THANK YOU, SIR!” said Bob. He felt so happy he wanted to sing or dance.

“Half-price entry. Except weekends.”

Bob looked glum. His grandpa lived on a measly pension, so they still wouldn’t be able to afford tickets.

Sir Basil looked at the boy, and sighed. “All right then. FREE!”

“YES!” exclaimed Bob, jumping up and down with excitement.

There were murmurs of interest from the crowd of visitors who had gathered around the three.

“But just so you know, everyone,” said Sir Basil, addressing the crowd, “this is very much a one-off!”

People murmured and tutted before moving on to catch a glimpse of all these beautiful animals the boy had befriended.

“And, Winston, you can keep your job.”

“THANK YOU, SIR!” exclaimed the zookeeper.

“But you are not to let anyone else in for free. Ever, ever, ever. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good. Now back to work!”

“Yes, sir!”

Bob put his hand up. “What about the pig-nosed frog, sir?”

“What about it, boy?”

“Well, I never had the chance to see it. It’s the frog none of the visitors come to see as it has a rather unusual nose.”

“Yes. It’s more of a snout, hence the name, ‘pig-nosed frog’.”

“Well, I think it’s time we taught it to .”

“We?” asked Sir Basil, arching an eyebrow.

“Yes. We.”

It was quite something, seeing Sir Basil Basildon down on his hands and knees in the mud. He had joined Winston and Bob beside the tank of the rarely seen pig-nosed frog. As if having a pig nose wasn’t enough, this frog was also purple and rather chubby. She looked like she’d been inflated. Indeed, the frog might be mistaken for a balloon.

The poor animal had been laughed at or screamed at so many times, she now spent most of her time hiding behind a rock at the back of her tank.

However, the rock she hid behind wasn’t quite big enough. The trio could clearly make out a big purple bottom sticking out at one end.

Bob pushed his face up against the glass.

went the boy.

The purple pig-nosed frog didn’t move.

Winston joined in.

The creature stayed still.

The pair looked at Sir Basil for help.

“I’m not sure this is such a good idea,” he pleaded.

“The frog needs all our encouragement, sir,” replied Bob. “Please!”

Reluctantly, the man began to like a pig. He wasn’t very good at it. In fact, his s sounded posh.

However, the purple pig-nosed frog must have been intrigued at this strange sound, as her head popped up from behind the rock at the back of her tank. At first only her eyes were visible.

Sir Basil looked at the boy. “What now?”

“Again! Again!” said Bob.

The zoo owner took a deep breath, before beginning again.

“Louder!” whispered Winston.

carried on Sir Basil, rather getting the hang of it now.

Now the whole head of the frog popped up from behind the rock, revealing her pigtastic nose.

she oinked.

It was faint at first. Then she oinked again.

A little louder this time.

Bob looked behind him. A crowd of Cub Scouts had gathered around the tank, all no doubt wondering what on earth was going on.

Sir Basil looked startled as the frog leaped out from behind her rock and landed right in front of the man’s face.

oinked the frog.

oinked Sir Basil back.

Soon the crowd were oinking too, which delighted the frog no end. The more they oinked, the more the frog oinked. As more and more people gathered to join in the fun, it was clear that the purple pig-nosed frog was going to be another star attraction.

Sir Basil stumbled to his feet. Winston steadied him with his arm.

“Thank you,” said Sir Basil. “And thank YOU, young Bob, for all you’ve done for my zoo. So when will we see you again?”

Bob thought for a moment. “On Friday the school is coming here on a trip. I was going to be the only one not going because my grandpa couldn’t afford it. But now I have my free pass I can come too!”

“Wonderful! Hang on a moment.” A thought seemed to occur to Sir Basil. “Are these bullies you spoke of coming too?”

Bob looked sorrowful. Stubbs and his henchmen could be relied upon to ruin every school trip for him.

There were the occasions when:

They fed Bob’s clothes to a goat at a farm, so he had to spend the whole trip in his undercrackers.

They hooked the boy’s trousers on to the end of a stalactite in a cave and left him there.

They dismantled LEGOLAND so they could bury Bob in a mountain of plastic bricks.

The bullies made Bob climb to the very top of a Tyrannosaurus rex skeleton.

They tied him to the tracks at a miniature railway.

They made Bob go down an indoor ski slope on his bottom, and the seat of his trousers caught fire.

They stole the costume off a dummy at Hampton Court Palace, and then dressed Bob up as Queen Elizabeth I.

The bullies wrapped the boy in brown paper and put a stamp on him and posted him to Siberia.

They pushed him into a vat of rhubarb yoghurt at a factory.

They locked him in a glass case at the Natural History Museum with some waxworks of cavemen. Poor Bob was trapped in there for a week.

“Yes, sir, the bullies will be coming,” replied Bob with a heavy heart. “The entire school is coming.”

“Splendid!” exclaimed Sir Basil. “Then we must lay on something special for them.”

“Oh yes, sir!” said the zookeeper, smiling.

Bob knew the grown-ups were up to something.

He just didn’t know what. Yet.