1c Draft and revise a working thesis statement.

For many types of writing, you will be able to assert your central idea in a sentence or two. Such a statement, which ordinarily appears at the end of your introduction, is called a thesis statement.

Understanding what makes an effective thesis statement

An effective thesis statement is a central idea that conveys your purpose, or reason for writing, and that requires support.

To be effective, a thesis statement should

• state a position that needs to be supported
• use concrete language and be sharply focused
• let your readers know what to expect
• be appropriate for the length requirements of the assignment, not too broad or too narrow
• stand up to the “So what?” question

Drafting a working thesis statement

As you explore your topic, you will begin to see possible ways to focus your material.

You’ll find that the process of answering a question you have posed or taking a position on a debatable topic will focus your thinking and lead you to develop a working thesis. Here, for example, are one student’s efforts to pose a question and draft a working thesis for an essay in his ethics course.

QUESTION

Should athletes who enhance their performance through biotechnology be banned from athletic competition?

WORKING THESIS

Athletes who boost their performance through biotechnology should be banned from athletic competition.

The working thesis offers a useful place to start writing, a way to limit the topic and focus a first draft; but it doesn’t respond to readers who will ask “Why?” and “So what?” The student has taken a position—athletes who use performance enhancers should be banned—but he hasn’t explained why these athletes should be banned. To fully answer his own question, he might push his own thinking with the word because.

STRONGER WORKING THESIS

Athletes who boost their performance through biotechnology should be banned from competition because biotechnology gives athletes an unfair advantage and disrupts the sense of fair play.

Revising a working thesis statement

As you move toward a clearer and more specific position you want to take, you’ll start to see ways to revise your working thesis. As your ideas change, your working thesis will change, too. You may find that the evidence you have collected supports a different thesis, or you may find that your position has changed as you have learned more about your topic. One effective way to keep audience and purpose in mind is to put your thesis to the “So what?” test.

Putting your working thesis to the “So what?” test

Use the following questions to help you revise your working thesis statement.

• Why would readers want to read an essay with this thesis?
• How would you respond to a reader who hears your thesis and asks “So what?” or “Why does it matter?”
• Will any readers disagree with this thesis? If so, how might you revise your thesis?
• Is the thesis too obvious? If you cannot come up with counterpositions that oppose your own, consider revising your thesis.

How to

Solve five common problems with thesis statements

Revising a working thesis is easier if you have a method or an approach. The following problem/solution approach can help you recognize and solve common thesis problems.

1. Common problem: The thesis is a statement of fact.

   Solution: Enter a debate by posing a question about your topic that has more than one possible answer. For example: Should the polygraph be used by private employers? Your thesis should be your answer to the question.

   Working thesis: The first polygraph was developed by Dr. John Larson in 1921.

   Revised: Because the polygraph has not been proved reliable, even under controlled conditions, its use by private employers should be banned.

2. Common problem: The thesis is a question.

   Solution: Take a position on your topic by answering the question you have posed. Your thesis statement should be your answer to the question.

   Working thesis: Would President John F. Kennedy have continued to escalate the war in Vietnam if he had lived?

   Revised: Although President John F. Kennedy sent the first American troops to Vietnam before he died, an analysis of his foreign policy suggests that he would not have escalated the war had he lived.

3. Common problem: The thesis is too broad.

   Solution: Focus on a subtopic of your original topic. Once you have chosen a subtopic, take a position in an ongoing debate and pose a question that has more than one answer. For example: Should people be tested for genetic diseases? Your thesis should be your answer to the question.

   Working thesis: Mapping the human genome has many implications for health and science.

   Revised: Now that scientists can detect genetic predisposition for specific diseases, policymakers should establish clear guidelines about whom to test and under what circumstances.

4. Common problem: The thesis is too narrow.

   Solution: Identify challenging questions that readers might ask about your topic. Then pose a question that has more than one answer. For example: Do the risks of genetic testing outweigh its usefulness? Your thesis should be your answer to the question.

   Working thesis: A person who carries a genetic mutation linked to a particular disease might or might not develop that disease.

   Revised: Avoiding genetic testing is a smart course of action because of both its emotional risks and its medical limitations.

5. Common problem: The thesis is vague.

   Solution: Focus your thesis with concrete language and clues about where the essay is headed. Pose a question about the topic that has more than one answer. For example: How does the physical structure of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial shape the experience of the visitors? Your thesis—your answer to the question—should use specific language.

   Working thesis: The Vietnam Veterans Memorial is an interesting structure.

   Revised: By inviting visitors to see their own reflections in the wall, the Vietnam Veterans Memorial creates a link between the present and the past.