14b Combine choppy sentences.

Short sentences demand a reader’s attention, so you should use them primarily for emphasis. Too many short sentences, one after the other, make for a choppy style.

If an idea is not important enough to deserve its own sentence, try combining it with a sentence close by. Put any minor ideas in subordinate structures such as phrases or subordinate clauses. (See 42.)

The examples read,

The Parks Department keeps the use of insecticides to a minimum (strikethrough) period (end strikethrough) (insert) because the (end insert) (strikethrough) The (end strikethrough) city is concerned about the environment.

The text below reads, The writer wanted to emphasize that the Parks Department minimizes its use of chemicals, so she put the reason in a subordinate clause beginning with because.

The Chesapeake and Ohio Canal (insert) comma (end insert) (strikethrough) is (end strikethrough) a 184-mile waterway constructed in the 1800s (strikethrough) period (end strikethrough) (insert) comma (end insert) It was a major source of transportation for goods during the Civil War.

The text below reads, A minor idea is now expressed in an appositive phrase (a 184-mile waterway constructed in the 1800 s).

For Multilingual Writers

Unlike some other languages, English does not allow repetition of objects or adverbs in adjective clauses.

The example reads, The apartment that we rented (strikethrough) it (end strikethrough) needed repairs.

The text below reads, The pronoun it cannot repeat the relative pronoun that .

Exercise 14–1

Combine the following sentences by subordinating minor ideas or by coordinating ideas of equal importance. You must decide which ideas are minor because the sentences are given out of context. Possible revisions appear in the back of the book.

The example reads, Agnes (insert) comma (end insert) (strikethrough) was (end strikethrough) a girl I worked with (strikethrough) period (end strikethrough) (insert) comma (end insert) (strikethrough) She (end strikethrough) was a hyperactive child.

1. The X-Men comic books and Japanese woodcuts of kabuki dancers were part of Marlena’s research project on popular culture. They covered the tabletop and the chairs.

2. Our waitress was costumed in a kimono. She had painted her face white. She had arranged her hair in a beehive.

3. Students can apply for a spot in the leadership program. The program teaches thinking and communication skills.

4. Shore houses were flooded. Beaches were washed away. Brant’s Lighthouse was swallowed by the sea.

5. Laura Thackray was an engineer at Volvo. She addressed women’s safety needs. She designed a pregnant crash-test dummy.