14c Avoid ineffective or excessive coordination.

Coordinate structures are appropriate only when you intend to draw readers’ attention equally to two or more ideas: Professor Liu praises loudly, and she criticizes softly. If one idea is more important than another—or if a coordinating conjunction does not clearly signal the relationship between the ideas—you should subordinate the less important idea.

INEFFECTIVE COORDINATION

Closets were taxed as rooms, and most colonists stored their clothes in chests or clothespresses.

IMPROVED WITH SUBORDINATION

Because closets were taxed as rooms, most colonists stored their clothes in chests or clothespresses.

The revision subordinates the less important idea (closets were taxed as rooms). Notice that the subordinating conjunction Because signals the relation between the ideas more clearly than the coordinating conjunction and.

Because it is so easy to string ideas together with and, writers often rely too heavily on coordination in their rough drafts. The cure for excessive coordination is simple: look for opportunities to tuck minor ideas into subordinate clauses or phrases.

The example reads, (insert) After four hours, (end insert) (strikethrough) Four hours went by, and (end strikethrough) a rescue truck finally arrived, but by that time we had been evacuated in a helicopter.

The text below reads, Having three independent clauses was excessive. The least important idea has become a prepositional phrase.

Exercise 14–2

The following sentences show coordinated ideas (ideas joined with a coordinating conjunction or a semicolon). Restructure the sentences by subordinating minor ideas. You must decide which ideas are minor because the sentences are given out of context. Possible revisions appear in the back of the book.

The example reads, The rowers returned to shore (insert) comma (end insert) (insert) where they (end insert) (strikethrough) and (end strikethrough) had a party on the beach (insert) to celebrate (end insert) (strikethrough) and celebrated (end strikethrough) the start of the season.

1. These particles are known as “stealth liposomes,” and they can hide in the body for a long time without detection.

2. Irena is a competitive gymnast and majors in biochemistry; her goal is to apply her athletic experience and her science degree to a career in sports medicine.

3. Students, textile workers, and labor unions have loudly protested sweatshop abuses, so apparel makers have been forced to examine their labor practices.

4. IRC (Internet relay chat) was developed in a European university; it was created as a way for a group of graduate students to talk about projects from their dorm rooms.

5. The cafeteria’s new menu has an international flavor, and it includes everything from enchiladas and pizza to pad thai and sauerbraten.