“Look eye! Always look eye!”
—MR. MIYAGI in The Karate Kid
RARELY DO WE HEAR BOSSES express complete confidence in their ability to coach, provide feedback, and have completely open discussions with their direct reports. Some of them start off with good intentions, but they’re overcome by anxiety about where the conversation might go and what to do if the meeting starts to go badly. In effect they talk themselves out of having an honest conversation, rationalizing that it’s better to let sleeping dogs lie. They’re just plain afraid to look their people straight in the eye and have a real conversation.
This is why, in this chapter, we are doing a deeper dive into the practice of Quarterly Conversations. To the degree that you master this practice, you will improve your relationship with your direct reports, and ensure you’re continually on the same page.
When we ask our clients to begin scheduling Quarterly Conversations with their direct reports, we’re met with some skepticism and resistance. Here’s what we hear:
• “I talk to my people all the time.”
• “I’m already meeting with my people every day.”
• “I don’t know when I’ll find the time to meet.”
• “I don’t want them bringing me problems, I want solutions.”
• “I’ve been talking, but they’re not listening to me.”
• “Every ninety days? Are you serious?”
You may be thinking along the same lines. For many of our clients, the Quarterly Conversation is an entirely new and foreign discipline. So it’s not too surprising that, at first, having them feels strange, even awkward. If you’ve ever tried correcting your golf swing, you know what we mean. At first, the new way feels awkward, but with practice, you’re soon appreciating how natural it’s become and how it’s improved your game. The key is accepting that you must let go of what hasn’t been working and commit to mastering a new method of communication.
A boss in an insurance company said, “Quarterly Conversations have had a direct impact on employee commitment and engagement. We know that when employees don’t understand their role, they become disengaged. The conversations keep them on the same page with their manager. As a result, they feel like they are part of a team and they know how to help the company win.”
We’ve been asked lots of questions regarding Quarterly Conversations. Here are some concise statements that will address most of them:
• Schedule the conversations well in advance.
• The point is the substance (the face-to-face, open, and honest dialogue), not the gesture.
• It’s okay to take notes—for yourself, not for the employee’s file.
• It’s not a performance review.
• Don’t meet them in your office; go off site.
• Let the 5-5-5 be your guide, not your master. Be prepared, but keep it simple.
• It’s okay to be nervous—the Quarterly Conversation is a new experience for your direct report, too.
• The conversation is mutually beneficial; you’ll each walk away with constructive feedback that will make you both better.
You’ll learn, as all of our other clients have learned, how vital this form of communication is. You’re looking each other directly in the eye, with a common objective to make each other better. Think of the benefits that this will have on your direct report, your relationship, your department, your organization, and finally on your confidence, peace of mind, and time. This will put you squarely on the right path toward becoming a great boss.
A quarterly timeframe works best because, as we mentioned in chapter seven, an understanding of shared objectives begins to fray around the ninetieth day. The business climate changes, the industry shifts, and you’re continually challenged to meet customer expectations. There’s a lot happening and if you neglect checking in, the circles with your direct reports become disconnected.
Again, the Quarterly Conversation is an informal, face-to-face, one-on-one meeting to talk about what’s working and what’s not working. It is not a performance review and doesn’t require filling out a form. Too often bosses let the form get in the way of having a meaningful, open, and honest conversation. Think of the form as an obstacle between you and your direct report.
Have the conversation where you won’t be interrupted or distracted. We strongly recommend that you do them off site. Focus the conversation around the 5-5-5—Core Values, Roles, and Rocks. These three areas encompass 90 percent of your expectations. Some of our clients refer to this practice as “having 5-5-5s” because it utilizes the 5-5-5 tool and it reminds them to keep the tool in mind during their meeting.
By having a Quarterly Conversation, you’re giving each direct report your time and attention. Remember, dialogue is a two-way street—an opportunity for both of you to re-clarify expectations, to communicate well, to keep the circles connected, and, if necessary, make course corrections. While the conversation requires no documentation, it’s helpful to prepare and take notes before and during the meeting. To keep the playing field level, make sure that your direct report comes prepared with notes as well. Remember, you’re taking notes in order to be prepared for the conversation, not to document the conversation. We can’t emphasize this distinction enough. It’s not a performance review, it’s a conversation.
Schedule these meetings well in advance. Putting your Quarterly Conversation with your direct report on your calendar builds anticipation—a powerful dynamic that comes into play as each of you think, throughout the quarter, of topics to discuss. There’s heightened awareness of behaviors, accomplishments, and results. Looking forward to a set date will also help both of you to come prepared.
Think about what this arrangement means to your direct reports. It tells them that you care, that they’re important to you. Putting the meeting on a calendar every quarter lets your people know that you’re anticipating a need to meet—that you’re being proactive. This helps them take a proactive approach as well. They’ll come prepared to share what they feel is working and not working.
Contrast this with an unscheduled Quarterly Conversation pulled together at the last minute. There will be no buildup, no awareness, and no preparation. Worse still is when your direct reports have to remind you to have them, or they never happen because you failed to schedule them. When you forget or fail to meet with them, you are actually making them feel more like you don’t care about them.
When you schedule the meetings for the first time, put your direct reports at ease. The fact that you’re having the meeting away from the office will probably raise all sorts of red flags with them. They may be asking themselves, “Why are we meeting? Why not in the office? Did I do something wrong? Am I being fired?”
They’ll be nervous and you’ll probably be nervous, too. Acknowledge this at the beginning. You could say something like, “To make sure that you and I are always on the same page and keeping expectations clear, I want to meet with you every three months. This is an opportunity for us to talk where we won’t be interrupted or distracted.”
Prepare for the meeting by thinking about the 5-5-5. Imagine yourself looking your direct report in the eye and discussing with them what’s working and not working within the context of Core Values, Roles, and Rocks.
The primary purpose of the Quarterly Conversation is to discuss two questions that are sides of the same coin:
• What’s working?
• What’s not working?
Let’s examine each question.
WHAT’S WORKING?
Begin by asking them what is working. Let them share their accomplishments, tasks, or procedures that they feel are going well within the organization and with you as their boss. You should listen and try to understand the following:
• What are they most proud of accomplishing during the last quarter?
• How did they accomplish this?
• What process or procedure worked well?
• What obstacles did they have to overcome?
• Who was most helpful to them?
• Do they feel they’re working on things that really matter?
• Do they feel appreciated for the work they do?
• Did you provide them with tools they needed?
• Did you keep expectations clear?
After they’ve shared what is working, it’s your turn to share what you feel is working. This is an opportunity to recognize and thank them for their accomplishments, behaviors, and progress. Be prepared with some specific examples. Making general comments such as, “You’re doing great” or “I’m hearing good things about you” without having examples comes off as insincere.
Remember that people will work harder for recognition than for money. Even though compensation is important, don’t underestimate the power of positive recognition. And don’t confuse excellence with perfection. You can heap praise on someone and still expect improvement.
• Tell them how much you appreciate the projects they completed. Ask them how that experience has prepared them to take on a larger project.
• Acknowledge that they are hitting their stride in their current position.
• Let them know how their contributions helped the organization meet its priorities.
To emphasize the importance of recognizing performance and giving positive feedback, one great boss shared this story: “I had a manager that was doing really good work, but in her first ninety days I would only give her direct feedback if she needed to improve or if she made a mistake. I didn’t pat her on the back or give her praise when she did well. I was moving so fast that in my head everything was good, so I didn’t say anything. During our Quarterly Conversation, when I asked her how she thought she was doing, she said that she thought she was doing well but really couldn’t tell since I didn’t give her any feedback. Wow, I felt terrible! And from then on I was aware and I was able to give her exactly what she needed.”
WHAT’S NOT WORKING?
When asking this question, take the opportunity to create a safe harbor for flushing out issues and getting to the root cause. Let your report speak freely. Don’t interrupt them. If you begin to hear something that you don’t like or disagree with, don’t be defensive or overreact. Just listen. When they hesitate or seem to stop talking, don’t fill the silence. Wait to see if they want to add anything else. Sometimes what emerges after the pause is what they really meant to say.
In her book, Willful Blindness: Why We Ignore the Obvious at Our Peril, Margaret Heffernan defines willful blindness as “something we could know and should know but don’t know because it makes us feel better not to know.” Experts who conducted research on this subject discovered that when employees are asked the question, “Are there issues at work that people are afraid to raise?” Eighty-five percent responded yes.
Some people hold back because they fear reprisal. They’ve usually seen firsthand what happens to people who push back, who question, who challenge the status quo. They don’t wish to be viewed as disloyal, dissatisfied, or difficult to deal with. Who would want to go through that pain when you can keep your head down and play it safe?
People also don’t raise issues because of apathy. They’ve become numb to issues that have been raised time and again with nothing ever changing. This is why you have to be attentive and resolve any raised issues. You have an opportunity, especially with people who are at or above The Bar, to stop treating symptoms. When you dig to uncover the root cause of an issue, you have a way to solve it. This will ultimately resolve the issue of apathy.
Keep in mind, the question you are asking is, “What’s not working?” This creates a safe harbor to have the dialogue. You’re not asking, “Who’s to blame?” Consider this dialogue:
YOU: Mary, thanks for sharing what’s not working. You mentioned a couple of things. Can we start with the one that matters most to you?
MARY: Sure. It would definitely be how we solve problems during our department meetings.
YOU: Can you give me a recent example?
MARY: Well, last week Steve was trying to make a point about a problem we’re having in shipping. He was struggling a little bit to explain the issue. I have to admit I was getting a little exasperated myself, but none of us really gave Steve much of a chance. We were all feeling a bit uncomfortable until you jumped in and gave us a suggestion. It sounded really good at the time and since no one had a better idea, we ran with it.
YOU: And . . .
(15 seconds of silence)
MARY: Well, I don’t think your solution helped much. In fact, the more I think about, it only sounded good because it seemed so easy. We tried to fix a difficult problem with an easy answer when we really should have had more input from the team. As you probably know, the problem isn’t really fixed.
YOU: Yeah, I know that. In fact, it sounds like part of the problem is me. I shouldn’t have swooped in with a quick fix. I should stop doing that. I was selling you guys short. So, what do we do now?
MARY: I’ve done some digging and have some thoughts that I’d like to put on our agenda for this week’s department meeting.
YOU: Did Steve help you do the digging?
MARY: Yes.
YOU: I’m glad to hear that. I’ll make a concerted effort not to jump in with any quick fixes. Mary, thanks for bringing this up. I really appreciate it.
As Margaret Heffernan points out, people who have the courage to raise issues don’t do so to be difficult, but rather because they genuinely care about the organization. They’re often the most loyal. Think about your Great People, those at or above The Bar. They’re likely to be the most willing to tell you “what’s not working.”
So, do not assume that when your request for feedback from direct reports meets with silence, that there are no issues. The Quarterly Conversation represents a huge opportunity to break down the barriers and get to the issues—the real ones. The sad fact is that silence, willful blindness, exists in every organization. There may be some in your company or department. Be prepared to listen carefully.
Don’t tell them what’s not working; ask them what’s not working. Build trust and ask probing questions to get to the root cause. Seek to understand the issue. When you create a safe harbor for them to share their concerns, you’ll focus the conversation on the root cause and solution that are needed, not on finding fault. Keep in mind that while your direct report may be afraid or unwilling to raise issues within a group setting, they might be more willing to share those issues with you face to face.
While they share what’s not working, you should be listening and trying to understand the following:
• What process or procedure is broken?
• How well do they understand the root cause of the issue?
• Was the solution to the problem directly within their control?
• Did they have the responsibility, accountability, and autonomy to act?
• Did they plan well and fail to execute?
• Did you fail them in any way?
• Did you provide them with the necessary tools to succeed?
When they’re finished sharing what’s not working, don’t respond with your solutions yet. Just list the issues. Because now it’s your turn to share what you feel is not working. Be prepared and keep your comments focused on what’s not working. Your job at this point is to articulate, in a bullet-point fashion with some explanation, the things you feel aren’t working.
Once you have a list of items that aren’t working (sometimes you’ll have only one and sometimes you’ll have ten), it’s now time to go into “solution mode.” That’s when you decide what can and can’t be solved. You’ll come up with ways to solve the issues during the next quarter. Be prepared to help, but remember to keep the monkey from ending up on your back. You may have to take one or two items to solve yourself, and maybe some you’ll work on together, but don’t volunteer to take their monkey. Use the following to frame your questions:
• Given how things turned out, what could they have done differently?
• When did they realize that there was a problem?
• What action did they take?
• What is their plan to address it so the issue won’t recur?
• What resources will they need?
• How do they think you can help?
• Should they take action first and then let you know what they did, or should they make a recommendation first so you can then decide together what action they should take?
• How will you both know that you corrected the issue?
At this point, if you are like many of the bosses we work with, you are thinking, “Holy cow! I’m going to get inundated with a ton of issues. Some I won’t be able to solve, and I know that some of my direct reports are just plain whiners!” To put your mind at ease, you are correct. We know that is going to be the case. First of all, to be great, you must know about all the issues (real or not); second, to reduce your anxiety, put the issues into the following three categories:
1. Ones that can’t be solved
2. Ones that you must solve
3. Ones that they must solve
Ones That Can’t Be Solved
These types of issues typically frustrate most bosses because they are a case of whining, or they can’t be solved to your direct report’s satisfaction, which leads you to feel guilty or anxious. Most of the issues on the list during a Quarterly Conversation fall in this category. Here’s what is critical for you to understand:
• They just need a response, answer, or acknowledgment!
I know this is hard to believe, but as a great boss, you have to get good at saying something along the lines of, “I hear you and I know it’s an issue that’s driving you crazy. What I need you to understand is that the issue that you are describing exists for the following reasons [state the reasons] and it’s not going to change. I just hope you can live with it even though I know you don’t agree with it.”
As a great boss, you are going to disappoint people from time to time and you must learn how to take some grief every now and then. Knowing that will make you stronger. The truth is, most of the time the Right People in the Right Seats will say, “I understand and can live with it. Thanks for listening.” Sometimes they will stew for a while and you have to live with some discomfort for a week or so, but they usually come around and accept it. Again, all they need is an answer. Most not-so-good-bosses don’t give an answer or they say they’ll provide a solution, but they procrastinate—because the problem can’t be solved—and therefore let the frustration build.
Sometimes there isn’t a good answer. Consider this: Your company is using a CRM that it has invested tens of thousands of dollars and hours to implement. One of your new direct reports, an expert on databases, complains to you that it is difficult to use and that there are better systems available. You know that he is correct. You acknowledge the current system’s shortcomings but also let him know that there’s no chance of changing to a new system in the near future. You ask him to live with the current system and for his support.
Unfortunately, you have to take on and solve these issues, either by working with other bosses in the organization or with the owner. First, agree on a timeframe for solving it (day, week, month, or year) and then agree on the exact plan of attack for solving it so that you effectively manage your direct report’s expectations.
Imagine a situation where your direct report comes prepared for your Quarterly Conversation with specific examples about a process that is not working. You ask several questions and realize that, indeed, the process is broken. You ask her what she would do to solve the issue. She suggests changing a key step in the process that will require reprogramming software and additional training. She agrees to complete a detailed plan with a budget for your review. You set a timeframe for putting the plan into action that includes getting the support of your peers and approval of your boss. You’ve met her expectations by helping her solve a problem. You’ve also created an opening for her to call out other opportunities to improve the company.
Ones They Must Solve
Ideally, you want to push as many of these issues down to them, especially when they are truly their monkeys. But you should use the same approach as the problems you must solve. First, agree on the timeframe (day, week, month, or year) when the issue will be solved, and then agree on a plan of attack for how your direct report will solve it.
If you’ve done a good job addressing the three types of issues during your Quarterly Conversation by monitoring your question-to-statement ratio, you’ll have finished your entire lunch while your direct report is still picking at theirs!
With practice in developing a cycle of Quarterly Conversations, you’ll begin to recognize the true abilities and potential of your people. As a result, you’ll be able to coach them to consistently do better work than they thought they could.
THE ANNUAL REVIEW VERSUS THE QUARTERLY CONVERSATION
We’re frequently asked how Annual Reviews fit with Quarterly Conversations. The quick answer is that they should complement each other, not conflict with each other. Unlike the Quarterly Conversation, which requires no documentation, you should document the Annual Review, have it signed by both parties, and place it in the employee’s file.
Our recommendation is that during the year, you complete three Quarterly Conversations and one Annual Review with your direct reports. We also recommend that you not discuss pay raises and other changes in compensation during the Annual Review. This keeps the conversation focused on performance, not explaining the rationale behind a wage increase or lack thereof. Keep the review form simple and do not let it get in the way of a meaningful discussion.
Here’s an example of a simple Annual Review form that many of our clients use:
Diagram 18
So, if you want a more productive Annual Review, start by having productive Quarterly Conversations.
Here’s a question for you. Do you look forward to giving or receiving performance reviews? If you’re like most bosses, the answer is No! Why is that?
Well, please excuse this admitted rant regarding the typical annual performance review. Let’s look at how it works and why it is so unproductive. Most companies employ performance reviews to give feedback to subordinates on an annual basis, usually tied to a pay increase. The boss scrambles at the last minute (after repeated emails from HR to get the reviews completed and the forms turned in) to use a rating scale of 1 to 5, where 5 means “excellent” and 1 means “needs immediate improvement.” Most bosses avoid rating anyone as a 5 because they’ll be challenged by their boss or the HR department for being too easy. They avoid rating anyone a 1 because that might (1) lead to conflict and (2) require them to take corrective action, which usually involves a long paper trail of verbal and written warnings.
Even more counterproductive, most bosses believe (or are told by their bosses) that giving anyone an excellent rating implies that there is no room for improvement. They’re confusing excellence with perfection. Imagine how disheartening this is for people most deserving of an excellent rating. When told that a rating of 5 is impossible, what are they supposed to do? Work harder? Not likely. What usually happens is because they feel unappreciated, they become resentful, disengaged, and motivated to look for another place to work where performance and skills are rewarded and recognized.
The traditional annual performance review was well intended. It was created because most managers would not give their direct reports any feedback. So, HR had to come up with a solution. We don’t know why HR added wage increases, but we suspect their friends in the finance department had something to do with it.
Not surprisingly, very few of our clients have told us that they enjoy giving or receiving performance reviews. Instead of a direct, face-to-face conversation, they stumble over a form, tiptoe around a discussion about the pay increase, and completely miss the substance of any issues through open, honest dialogue. Some bosses laughingly admit that they’re on their sixth revision of the performance review form and that none of those revisions have helped improve employee performance. Does this ring any bells with you?
We characterize the traditional annual performance review as nothing more than an elaborate “superstitious dance” by two reluctant partners who hate dancing. It’s time to stop dancing around a process that is clearly broken. Why should you adhere to a practice that erodes the relationship between bosses and their direct reports?
Rant ended.
Some of our clients have done away with annual performance reviews in favor of completing Quarterly Conversations throughout the year, but we’re not suggesting that you go that far. Instead, do away with any disingenuous rating scales. Use the one-page Annual Review in Diagram 18. That way you can have an open and honest Annual Review in conjunction with Quarterly Conversations. When you use this alternative, you’ll find Annual Reviews easier and more fun to do. You’ll have fewer surprises because you’ll have had open and honest conversations three times already that year. In fact, when you have an effective Quarterly Conversation with each of your direct reports, you’ll be looking forward to the Annual Review, not dreading it.
In summary, the power of the Quarterly Conversation lies in its ability to improve both your working relationship with your reports and your company’s performance in general. Maybe the first one or two conversations will feel uncomfortable, like learning to dance, but after the third or fourth one, you will hit your stride and start to create an open exchange.
Please note, you should never wait for a Quarterly Conversation to address behaviors or performance that you feel hurts the organization or your relationship. Remember the 24-Hour Rule that we discussed in the management practice of rewarding and recognizing in chapter seven.
Having an honest face-to-face dialogue with your direct reports, and building a relationship with each other that is completely open, takes patience and persistence. Take a lesson from Mr. Miyagi, who exhorted Daniel in The Karate Kid to “Look eye, Daniel-san! Always look eye!” As frustrating as the first steps to mastering it can be, the rewards are worth the effort. Stay the course and reap the benefits.
