Billy Mays was the king. If Billy were still walking this earth, we would be happier and the world would be a better place. He would cut through the nightly television craziness like a sharp knife with a pitch, a product, an offer too good to refuse, his booming voice, black beard, and blue shirt catching you off guard as you consumed your television nightly news.
You miss him, don’t you? I miss him.
I didn’t like working with Billy Mays. I loved it. I was never happier than when I was tapping on a laptop, he would talk, and the words would spew onto the page! We couldn’t have been more different, but as two pitch guys we had so much in common. We were fiercely competitive and dedicated to the art of the pitch and making the sale. We wanted to be loved by our customers for entertaining them, making them laugh, and making the sale.
We would work rain or shine, indoors or out, home show, boat show, county fair, state fair. We both came up the hard way, selling $20 at a time, only he was from Pittsburgh and I was from England. Between us we had much more than the proverbial ten thousand hours on the box. When the TV cameras finally pointed in our direction, it was no accident that we blew up on TV everywhere.
Prepared, poised, and ready to pitch, Billy had a flow, a cadence, a volume and style that were all his. No one could do it like Billy. As we collaborated over the years, culminating in our show on Discovery Channel, Pitchmen, my respect for him as an artist (because that’s what he really was) grew exponentially. When I think of Billy, my mind wanders, and then I smile.
Each script started with the same phrase, the ubiquitous “Hi! Billy Mays here!” Whenever I typed it, I knew that if he was sitting next to me, we would create TV magic. He was loud, he was proud, he was a winner, and he was the people’s pitchman. He was no one-hit wonder. Billy could make nothing into something and then something big, time after time, without skipping a beat. He was a father, my friend, and the greatest pitchman of them all. I miss you, Billy. I know you had a book in you and this book—my book—is dedicated to you and the book you never got to write. Long live your laundry!
Of course, I owe a lot to some other people, too:
• To my dad, for believing in me and pushing me to do and be more.
• To my mum, who has always been there for me. You have both given me roots to grow and wings to fly.
• To my little brother, Mikey.
• To my amazing daughter, Devon, and her mum.
• To my friends Stuart, Jeff, Skip, Hauser, and the boys from Cooper Construction for never letting me lose sight of who I am and where I come from.
In business there have been too many to thank, but I’ll try:
• Mark Bingham, Jon Ash, and Andy Gilbert for teaching me how to pitch.
• Simon Selkin for giving me my first big break.
• Jon Nokes for inspiring me to come to America.
• AJ Khubani for rolling the dice on me.
• HSN for giving a snot-nosed English kid a break and for sticking with me over the years.
• The entire OxiClean team, especially Matt, Britta, Bruce, Dan, Katie, and Cindy, for everything.
• Jennifer and the Nutrisystem Team—let’s keep rocking!
• Assemblyman Paul Moriarty for guidance through turbulent times.
• Thom Beers and Discovery Channel, you are a rock.
• Nancy Kuni, I’m glad you found me.
• Steve Jones, I love you.
• Juls, thank you.
• Kern, keep up the pressure.
• Some of the greatest women anyone could ever know: Joy, Mindy, Rhonda, and Eliana.
• Bill Edwards, you’re a diamond!
• Mishele, Keith, David, Dave, Ethan, Judy, you know who you are.
• The staff at the Ashram. You’ve kept me sane!
To the trailblazers and old timers (some of whom aren’t here):
• Al Spino, Ron Popiel, Joe LeBeau, Swedish Mike, Wendy Wow, Tommy Motosko, John Moltino, Tim Evans, Kevin Gilbert, Colleen, Kris Morris, Ruby, John Florell, Wally Nash, Samantha, Annie, Carmine.
• The late Earl Greenburg, Roger Pliakas.
• My inner circle: Arwen, my assistant Veronika, Carla, Pete, Sug, Bryant, Paula, Cynthia, Noelle, Craig, and Ashley, and the entire team, including the hundreds of people at Sullivan Productions who make it happen every day.
Most of all I would like to thank the punters—the customers! The hundreds of thousands of people from all over the world that have ever felt compelled to buy from me. To anyone and everyone wherever who has ever bought anything from me, thanks for the hours of fun you gave me trying to convince you that “I’ve got what you need” or “You need what I’ve got”!
Special thanks—
• To Tim Vandehey, my co-author. I could not have done this without you.
• To AJ and Poonam Khubani for your friendship and mentorship and some great bike rides.
• US Masters Swimming
• St. Pete Masters Swimming