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Index
Contents
introduction
introduction to perfectionism in general and to your perfectionism in particular
360° of perfectionism
perfectionism: what it is and what it isn’t
the existential costs of perfectionism
your particular perfectionism
understanding the motivation behind perfectionism
the staff of mindfulness
conclusion: seven elements of existential rehabilitation
perfectly imperfect, completely incomplete, and just so
broadening the meaning of perfection
the warm-up
problem: rejection of what is
solution: acceptance of what is
extending the meaning of perfection
acceptance is courage, not surrender
self-acceptance manifesto
conclusion: ordinary perfection
perfectly imperfect: from dualities and dichotomies to suchness
language stands in the way of experience
sewing together what’s been cut apart
conclusion: similarity isn’t sameness
completely incomplete: a process view of perfection
the state (static) view of perfection
the process (dynamic) view of perfection
conclusion: new perfectionism—perfect the perfection
overcoming mindlessness, guilt, shame, and motivational apathy
the rehabilitation of conscious choice
the tyranny of shoulds
de-conditioning through mindfulness
conclusion: get ahead of your shadow
finding perfection in a mistake
rethinking the meaning of mistakes
even a mistake is evidence of perfection
conclusion: the cup’s already broken
from guilt to regret: rediscovering motivational innocence
the should–guilt connection
the should–shame connection
guilt vs. regret
motives, not consequences
conclusion: self-forgiveness vs. shirking responsibility
from resentment and reluctance to renewed enthusiasm
a choice is an expression of preference
it’s okay to have a motive
conclusion: learn to want
rehabilitation of your self-view
from self-esteem to self-acceptance
self-estimation vs. self-acceptance
value is an opinion
dependence on approval is loss of self
inoculating yourself against others’ disapproval
conclusion: from self-esteem to self-acceptance
breaking away from the mirror: dis-identification and re-identification
in search of a deeper-than-skin-deep self
am-ness
conclusion: you are what remains
time, performance, and uncertainty
from here to here: developing a healthy relationship with time
perfectionism is a rejection of now
lost in the abstraction of time
commit to be
rumination and worry control to save time
embrace waiting and cultivate patience
cultivate process awareness
mindful being is mindful doing and mindful non-doing
conclusion: from here to here
from outcome to process: in search of perfect performance
outcome preoccupation
rethinking effort
rethinking the outcome
perfect performance vs. peak performance
aiming your consciousness at this moment
mindfulness: the base of all bases
conclusion: perfectionism-free performance-enhancement plan
embracing the uncertainty of the future
uncertainty and knowledge
now sets the ceiling on certainty
the next best thing to knowing
illusions of certainty
conclusion: reframe the uncertainty
beyond certainty: cultivating the don’t-know mind
the impasse of certainty
nurturing the don’t-know mind
conclusion: have a sip of not knowing
coexistence, compassion, connection
from social vacuum to compassionate coexistence
forgiveness isn’t just letting go or moving on
forgiveness is identification
obstacle: categorical and dichotomous thinking
understanding the story of what is
from identifying with one to identifying with all
factor in the context
factor in the context of personality
forgive and forget? forget about forgetting
forgive and encourage change
identifying with the core self
self-acceptance = other-acceptance
conclusion: the legacy of connections
pardon of acceptance
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