Kid Confidence · Help Your Child Make Friends, Build Resilience, and Develop Real Self-Esteem by Kennedy-Moore, Eileen -- Read -- Imperial Library of Trantor

Index

Cover Contents Foreword Part 1: Introduction Chapter 1. Why Telling Our Kids They’re Wonderful Doesn’t Build Real Self-Esteem

What Is Self-Esteem? The Rise and Fall of the Self-Esteem Movement

We Don’t Have to Love Ourselves Protecting Kids’ Self-Esteem Can Backfire

Why Self-Esteem Matters Self-Esteem Boosting Strategies Don’t Work What Real Self-Esteem Looks Like

Connection Competence Choice

Wrap-Up and How to Use This Book

Chapter 2. How Children’s Self-Esteem Changes with Age

Look-at-Me! Stage (Two to Four Years)

General Tips

On-My-Way Stage (Five to Seven Years)

General Tips

Judging-Myself Stage (Eight to Ten Years)

General Tips

Trying-to-Look-Good Stage (Eleven to Thirteen Years)

General Tips

Trying-to-Be-Myself Stage (Fourteen to Sixteen Years)

General Tips

Self-Esteem in Young Adulthood and Beyond General Trends and Your Particular Child Wrap-Up

Part 2: Connection Chapter 3. “Why Are You Always Yelling at Me?”

Why Some Kids Are More Prone to Low Self-Esteem Seeing Themselves Through Others’ Eyes

Development of Self-Conscious Emotions Distorting Social Mirrors

Understanding the Difference Between Shame and Guilt

How Shame and Guilt Influence Children’s Self-Esteem Why We Need to Manage Our Own Shame and Guilt

Real Self-Esteem Tips to Try

Helpful Responses to Misbehavior Encouraging Responses to Positive Behavior Beyond Praise and Criticism, Toward Intimacy

Wrap-Up

Chapter 4. “You Love Her More!”

Family Structure and Sibling Closeness

Closeness in Terms of Gender Birth Order and Self-Esteem

Sibling Dynamics and Self-Esteem

Sibling Comparisons: Who’s Better?

Real Self-Esteem Tips to Try

Never Compare Siblings Aloud Identify Family Similarities and Values Directly Challenge Overly Broad Turf Divisions Encourage Older Siblings to Teach Younger Siblings Insist on Celebrating Sibling Successes

Sibling Jealousy: Who’s the Favorite?

What Research Tells Us About Parental Favoritism The Trap of Treating Siblings Equally Rigid Family Roles and Self-Esteem

More Real Self-Esteem Tips to Try

Address the Real Issue Behind Sibling Jealousy Spend Enjoyable One-on-One Time with Each Child Don’t Fuss Over Making Everything Exactly Equal Be Open to Changing How You Do Things Think About Your Own Family Patterns Growing Up

Sibling Conflict

Characteristics of Sibling Conflicts When Siblings Resort to Cruelty How Parents Usually Respond

Even More Real Self-Esteem Tips to Try

Ignore Minor Arguments Stop or Prevent Real Cruelty Challenge Rationalizations for Meanness Mediate Serious or Repeated Problems Encourage Sibling Fun and Unity

Wrap-Up

Chapter 5. “Nobody Likes Me!”

Friendship Matters

Sociometric Status Why Some Kids Are Rejected

Sociometric Status and Friendship Real Self-Esteem Tips to Try

Address Off-Putting Behaviors Help Your Child Build Connections

Wrap-Up

Part 3: Competence Chapter 6. “I Can’t Do It! I Quit!”

Grit and Its Relationship to Self-Esteem

What Does Grit Look Like in Children? Where Kids with Low Self-Esteem Get Stuck

Cultivating a Growth Mindset Real Self-Esteem Tips to Try

Help Your Child Manage Frustration and Discouragement Offer Effective Praise Show That Strategy Plus Effort Can Lead to Success Help Your Child Find Meaningful Goals

Wrap-Up

Chapter 7. “It’s Not Good Enough!”

Causes of Harsh Self-Criticism Tempering Self-Criticism Real Self-Esteem Tips to Try

Defusing and Avoiding Self-Attacks Handling Competition and Tests Encouraging Self-Compassion

Wrap-Up

Part 4: Choice Chapter 8. “I Can’t Decide!”

Getting Stuck in Rumination Real Self-Esteem Tips to Try

Breaking Through Rumination Learning to Choose Taking Action

Wrap-Up

Chapter 9. “I Don’t Fit In!”

Feeling Different and Disconnected

The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy of Believing “I Don’t Belong” Shifting the Narrative

Real Self-Esteem Tips to Try

Addressing the Meaning of Differences Handling Appearance-Related Concerns Helping Your Child Find a Tribe

Wrap-Up

Part 5: The Bigger Picture Chapter 10. Coping with Bullying, Teasing, and Other Meanness

Kids Are Often Mean Distinguishing Between Bullying and Meanness

General Trends in Bullying Which Kids Are Picked On?

When Your Child Is the Target of Meanness or Bullying

Anti-Bullying Programs What We Know About Children’s Responses to Bullying

Real Self-Esteem Tips to Try

Decide If and How Your Child Should Report the Problem Enlist the Teacher’s Help Rehearse Responses to Teasing or Rude Questions Choose to Ignore Mean Gossip Discuss Cyberbullying Shape the Narrative

Wrap-Up

Chapter 11. Real Self-Esteem and the Joys of a Quiet Ego

Then vs. Now Another, More Holistic Approach to Self-Esteem The Quiet Ego and Real Self-Esteem

Mindfulness Flow Compassion Elevation Awe

The Real Self-Esteem Revolution, Getting Past Self-Focus

Works Cited and Consulted

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