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Imperial Library
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Index
Chapter 1 Haven’t I been in this hell before?
Chapter 2 Pigs in a blanket are a southern delicacy.
Chapter 3 It’s like the Babysitters Club, only with condoms, STIs, and an unlimited supply of alcohol.
Chapter 4 Keeping your boobs out of the tabloids was always something to strive for, that and world peace.
Chapter 5 Being drunk does rule out the possibility of pregnancy.
Chapter 6 It’s like showing up late to your own funeral.
Chapter 7 Have I told you lately how much I love to give blowjobs?
Chapter 8 Sex is not a spectator sport.
Chapter 9 ‘Back that ass up’….. or maybe it’s more of a squat?
Chapter 10 The larger the breast implant, the better your IQ score…… right?
Chapter 11 Ice cream and tight crotches go hand in hand.
Chapter 12 Sunshine, blue skies, and a little cocaine to make it rain.
Chapter 13 Baby’s first gift…….. a glittered stripper pole. Now that’s saving for college.
Chapter 14 Making it Rain has a completely different meaning now.
Chapter 15 It might not be the Four Seasons, but rehab can’t be that bad, right?
Chapter 15 Lime green is no one’s color…… unless you are a Seahawks fan, for which I’m truly sorry.
Chapter 16 I’ve got enough drugs in me to take out a moose. It’s fine to touch me there.
Chapter 17 There was no coming back from a hole that large.
Chapter 18 You better put away your cockholster.
Chapter 19 When the bottom falls out, make sure you have a backup plan.
Chapter 20 Picking up the pieces, but fuck if there wasn’t a whole lot of them.
Chapter 21 A swift kick to the balls should solve that problem.
Chapter 22 Hiding the extra baby wipes with the sex toys seems like a logical spot, right?
Chapter 23 Keep your damn hands off my cheese cake.
Chapter 24 Waterlogged bodies tend to float.
Chapter 25 “No, I will not use your magical horn to make mythical babies.”
Chapter 26 Drugging the wedding planner is always a viable option.
Chapter 27 Emptying a bottle of Jack does not bring out a genie.
Chapter 28 Adding lipstick won’t cover up the crazy.
Chapter 29 F*% k You Endless Love
Chapter 30 Getting drunk is the best part of a wedding
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