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E-text prepared by Brian Coe, Emmy, and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team (http://www.pgdp.net) from page images generously made available by Internet Archive/American Libraries (https://archive.org/details/americana) Anecdotes of the Great War

FOREWORD ANECDOTES OF THE GREAT WAR

BLANKETY-BLANK HAS A MONOPOLY MERE TYPOGRAPHICAL ERROR FIGHT OR I QUIT YOU WOULDN’T BACK OUT UNDER CANVAS PUNCTURED HE WANTED POTATOES ABSENT-MINDED BEGGAR AND THE TOOTUNS, TOO WAR BRIDE RETORTS TO A CIGARETTE—IN THE TRENCHES SOME BOSS WHAT MUFFS ARE FOR GOING THE LIMIT TOMMY ATKINS EXPLAINS WHY “IT’S A LONG WAY TO TIPPERARY” PLENTY TO CHOOSE FROM WINNING A BET COCKNEY GERMAN IT PAYS TO ADVERTISE ENGLISH MILITARY SLANG Tommy and His War Talk INFORMATION WANTED THE AMUSING MONOCLE SURROUNDED! TEXT FOR A BIG “STORY” NOT AS IT SEEMED THERE WERE HOPES FAMILIAR SOUNDS IMPORTANT MESSAGES THE JEW AND THE CROSS RETREAT IN ORDER SUFFICIENTLY EQUIPPED “NEXT OF KIN” HIS BROTHER’S TASK THE SERGEANTS’ MESS BOUND TO KEEP OUT OF IT CLEVER MACKAY EXCUSE FOR POOR SHOOTING CORRECT; GO TO THE HEAD SELF-INTEREST PARAMOUNT WHY THEY WOULDN’T SHOOT SHOOK ALL OVER THE ONLY HINDRANCE IRISH VS. GERMAN WISE PRECAUTION A BLOODLESS BATTLE AT A PARIS HOTEL THE LAST RESORT CRUEL SPITE AN UNLOVED OFFICIAL EXTREMITY; MEANING FEET? AS EVER AN OLD JOKE WORKED OVER REASONABLE PREJUDICE WAR’S UNKNOWN HEROES THE RETORT JUVENILE JUST TWO SHOTS APIECE MISSED THE USUAL SIGNAL RIVERS IN THE WAR, NOW FAMOUS IN THE WORLD’S HISTORY A BITING RETORT WE SUGGEST THIS TO ALL OF ’EM CAUSE FOR HOME-SICKNESS REGULAR SEA DOG PROFESSIONAL TREATMENT WAR NEWS IN THE PANTRY DRAWING THE LINE NO UNION HOURS MISSED SOMETHING HIS MEANING IS PLAIN SOONER OR LATER INTERRUPTED REPAST AN EXCELLENT BRIGADE WHY THEY THREW HIM IN AGAIN NOTHING TO FUSS ABOUT FOES AS FRIENDS STRICTLY OBEDIENT NOT LIKELY THE KAISER’S INCOME How His Money Is Invested SOMETHING REPOSEFUL ENOUGH IS TOO MUCH TELLING HIM ALL ABOUT IT THE ENGLISH LIKE THIS KIND GAVE IT AWAY A “SHIRT-SLEEVE GENERAL” GRIN AND BEAR IT CHANCE FOR A FREE RIDE KING ALBERT—CHAUFFEUR TIRED AND CROSS TURKISH NAVAL EFFICIENCY ROUGH ON TOMMY NOT EXACTLY COMPLIMENTARY THE QUEEN, LIEUTENANT FINE WORK NO CAUSE FOR FEAR GIVE AND TAKE FUN ON THE FIRING-LINE DOING HIS BIT WELCOME PRISONERS HE KNEW THE ANSWER A JOKE IN THE TRENCHES HE KNEW WHERE IT WAS SUPERIOR MARKSMANSHIP NOT A THIRST IN THE LOT HIS SKIRTS CLEAR SHEEP AND GOATS JOGGING HIS MEMORY WILLING TO COMPROMISE BRINGING IN THE NEW YEAR Seaforth Highlanders’ Quaint Ceremony A WOMAN’S WORRY NOT SUPPLIES ENOUGH FOR TWO LOVE-LETTER TO A RED CROSS NURSE HOW HEROES ARE MADE ANNOUNCED HIS ARRIVAL STEPPED ON IT KING ALBERT’S CHIVALRY Calls Husband to His Wife from Trenches FULLY QUALIFIED A FINE SIGHT FOR THE HUNGRY SERVIAN WOMEN SECOND THOUGHT BEST PUNISHED FOR HIS NAME THEIR OWN PRIVATE WARFARE A BIT OF RUSSIAN WIT ARMORED CANADIAN SOLDIERS TRYING HARD TO GET BY ONLY ONE ROCK SOUNDS LIKE A TOWN THE BISHOP’S PRISONER NECESSARY PRECAUTION STOPPING THE DONKEY ONE ON SCOTTY DEFYING THE KAISER TEMPERATURE 120° BUT PERHAPS HE CAN DIG TRENCHES LATEST SCOUTING STORY CHINESE SYMPATHY GIVING HIM A SEND-OFF SHE KNEW BY EXPERIENCE WHERE WAR IS NOT HELL FEROCITY EXPLAINED COULDN’T BE SCOTCH HARDLY HIS FAULT THE GERMANS ABASHED LOCATING PROGRESS HOW I ESCAPED FROM BERLIN Supposed to Be Written by Mrs. Malaprop PERMANENTLY POSTPONED UNINTENTIONAL LIMITATION NOTHING NEW TO HIM ENGLISH HUMOR NOT A CARUSO IN WAR TIME GAVE THE SNAP AWAY WITHOUT PRECEDENT AN AGREEABLE MISTAKE INCONSIDERATE BEGGAR WHAT THE PILOT KNEW IT WORKED ALL RIGHT GERMAN GIRLS CAN KNIT BLOCKHEAD, EH? HIS SOLE REASON IGNORANCE IS BLISS STROKE OF LUCK SPECIMEN WANTED A LONE EXCEPTION CLEVER EXPEDIENT WHICH WOULD YOU PATRONIZE? SARCASTIC OLD VET. BROTHERLY REPARTEE MADE IN GERMANY WOLSELEY’S WAY IGNORED HIMSELF ANOTHER ANXIETY ONE QUALIFICATION GREAT DEEDS I HAVE DONE IN THE GREAT WAR Supposed to Be Written by an Old British Soldier After the Style of Baron Munchausen WASTED SYMPATHY KNEW HIM OF OLD THIS ORIGINATED IN NEW YORK TWO POINTS OF VIEW SOME KIND OF A MARSHAL NOR ON THE SOCKS LESS WAR NEWS WANTED TWENTY STRAIGHT RUSSIAN EXPECTATIONS FREAKS OF BULLETS Wonderful Escapes From Death FINDING AN EXCUSE ONLY A MATTER OF TIME SOUNDS LOGICAL UNWILLING MARTYR THE TAR AND THE TARTAR DON’T SAY “ROVER” SCARS OF BATTLE SUITED TO HIS POSITION KAISER WILHELM II AS SEEN IN FRANCE ANYTHING TO QUALIFY TAKING THE JOY OUT OF LIFE ON HIS WAY MORTIFIED THE FRENCHMAN CHECKS FOR TWO SYMPATHETIC SOUL A QUESTION OF DIET A GENTLE HINT A MATTER OF PUNCTUATION AND THERE ARE OTHERS SOME BONEHEAD PROUD OF IT DIPLOMACY AN OVER-DOSE NOBODY CONCERNED HARD LUCK HOW HE TOOK HIS WILLING TO OBLIGE CAUSE FOR PREJUDICE SELF-BETRAYED BRITISH HUMOR A MIXED BLESSING OR A BASEBALL UMPIRE NOT TO EXCEED HIS LIMIT OUT OF HARM’S WAY SHOWING HIM HOW NO EXCEPTION IN HIS OWN LANGUAGE SCARED HIM TO THINK OF IT WHAT HAPPENED TO REIMS REBUKE THAT DIDN’T WORK SOMETHING TO THINK OF A FAVORABLE BALANCE DISREGARDING THE LIMIT NO ABBREVIATIONS WANTED HIS SACRIFICE UNSATISFACTORY OFFICER PERPETUAL MOTION MURDERING HIM SLACKER GETS BACK NEW CAUSE FOR WAR NO ROSE WITHOUT ITS THORN A GOOD COME-BACK, BILL ON THE SAFE SIDE COULDN’T BE DONE ON THE FIRING LINE A MATTER OF TRADE NOT LIKELY IMPORTANT POSTSCRIPT OR A SCRAP OF PAPER NOT TO BE OUTDONE NEVER FAZED HIM STAY-AT-HOME TOILET WHY BE NEUTRAL? BATHING IN TEARS WHERE HE COULDN’T GO PEACE SUGGESTION HEADING HIM OFF CAPTURED, NOT STOLEN LANDED A LARGE ORDER WELCOME RELIEF THE USUAL QUERY BEST OF REASONS MOST UNUSUAL MORE SURFACE TO COVER WORSE THAN WURST SHE KNEW PADDY HE HAD SMOKED ONE SALVAGE A SOLDIER’S WIFE RELATES THIS IT SAID SO ON THE DOOR GENTLE HINT SOMETHING JUST AS GOOD NOT ON THE MENU DYE IS SCARCE THE HERO NEEDED A BRACER AND SMITH COULDN’T DO IT PAYING HIS RESPECTS GOT THE MONEY FIRST FORTUNATE FEMININE STRATEGY WAR WORKS WONDERS UNLIMITED SUPPLY HER DEDUCTION NOT A FAVORITE BRAND AN UNWILLING TARGET A COMPROMISE ON A SCOTTISH BATTLEFIELD IT HIT HIM FIRST SWEET CHARITY EXPLAINED OPTIMISTIC WHAT STRUCK HIM LEAST THE TERRIER MORE THINGS TO KNIT A QUALIFIED FIGHTER A SHORT CUT MORE THAN HE BARGAINED FOR AS SEEN IN PRESS REPORTS BEST OF INTENTIONS DOUBLE TROUBLE HE LOST THE COUNT DEADLIER THAN USUAL NEW USE OF THE WORD THE ORIGINAL ONE-STEP MOTHERLY ADMONITION OTHER INTENTIONS SLACKERS A PUTTERING PUTTER BLACK AND BLUE, PERHAPS BUT WILL THEY? SLOW BUT SURE THE RECRUIT SCORES ONE OUR GUESS WOULD BE BEER A RARE OFFERING WISE RECRUIT BAD BITE NEVER ARGUE WITH A WOMAN THE WHOLE PACK NO GARTERS NEEDED WILLING TO SPARE HIM CHANCE FOR SOME INVENTOR IN “ZEPPELIN” TIMES GETTING THE ACCENT AN OLD KNITTING STITCH THE DEAR FRIENDS FIGHTING FOR HIS GLASSES CONCERNED MOST LIKELY TIMID NOISY TIME-PIECE IN NAVAL TERMS SO CHANGEABLE AMONG THE MISSING NO LUCK RECRUITING IN ENGLAND ALL BUT THE FIG LEAF LACKED EXPERIENCE CONDESCENSION A HEARTHSTONE HERO STICKING TO IT THE RETREAT FROM ALSACE TEETH NOT ESSENTIAL

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