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Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Contents
So what’s this all about?
Getting a Christmas card from someone you thought you lost touch with
Walking into a grocery store and seeing the first shipment of eggnog
Plugging in your Christmas lights from last year and having them all work
When that kid crying in the mall isn’t your kid
That moment near the holidays when there’s suddenly cookies, chocolate, and candy everywhere
Getting the person you have a crush on for office Secret Santa
The first big snowfall of the season
When the neighbor shovels your little patch of the sidewalk
When strangers wish you happy holidays
Eating all the chocolates in your Advent calendar at once
The smell of a fresh Christmas tree
Pulling out that old box of Christmas ornaments from when you were a kid
When construction cranes get Christmas lights on them
Finally finding the start of this stupid roll of tape
Looking through the little window in the oven
Flipping channels and stumbling on that one Christmas special you loved as a kid
Eating the first freshly baked cookie from the oven even though it’s way too hot
When the wrapping paper lines up perfectly when you go to tape it
Forgetting you ordered a gift online and then having it randomly show up
The Holiday Party Save
Driving around town to see all the Christmas lights
Wrapping a gift to make it look like something else
The Super Present Power Shop
When there’s no line at the mall to meet Santa Claus
Just barely wrapping a gift with that tiny scrap of leftover paper
Real bearded Santas
Nailing the perfect move in a board game on Christmas Eve
Staring into a fire
When the Christmas tree gives the only light in the room
When you can actually hear it snowing
Waking up and realizing it’s Christmas
Ripping your present open like a wild animal
When the gift receipt is already in the box
Trying on your new clothes as soon as you unwrap them
Staying in your pajamas all day
The In-law Nap
Drinking with Grandma
Putting a Santa hat on your pet or grandparent
Sucking in your stomach just before the family photo is taken
Drinking anything besides wine out of a wine glass
Taking off your pants after the fourth helping
When your guests do the dishes even after you told them not to
Successfully regifting a present to someone who wants it
When they finally stop playing Christmas songs on the radio
When the in-laws leave
Getting seven more days of presents than your friends who celebrate Christmas
Eating anything with oil in it
When your gelt melts perfectly in your mouth instead of in the wrapper
Drinking from the same cup as all your relatives
Knowing that your holiday is worth more Scrabble points than any other holiday
The sound of a cork popping
Watching bartenders work really fast
Saying “See you next year!” to everyone on New Year’s Eve and then laughing hysterically
Actually knowing more than three words of that New Year’s song
The last ten seconds of the year
Staying up so late that everything becomes funny
Not getting a hangover when you were expecting to get one
Catching someone you love admiring you from across the room
When your third grade arch nemesis gives you a Valentine’s Day card
Getting a dinner reservation even though you waited till the last minute
Getting homemade coupons for foot massages and favorite dinners
Hearing someone’s heartbeat
Not getting extra-small lingerie as a present
Being single and just enjoying it
Claiming that you’re an eighth Irish
Your friend’s horrible Irish accent
When Shamrock Shakes suddenly appear at McDonald’s
Giving up something really easy for Lent
When mom buys the solid chocolate instead of the hollow chocolate
Stocking up on clearance chocolate the week after Easter
Finding a hidden chocolate egg way after Easter
Getting served breakfast in bed
Cool moms
Your mom’s love
Getting homemade crafts from your kids
Total control over the remote
When someone else mows the lawn
Actually finding a good present for dad
Big crowds enjoying big fireworks together
Catching the ice cream truck
Really, really selling it while barbecuing
Driving around with the windows down on late summer nights
The moment on a road trip when you’re really far from where you started and really far from where you’re going
Boat waving
Watching the Christmas episode of your favorite sitcom in the completely wrong month
Digging out your own little wading pool in the sand when you’re at the beach
Skinny-dipping somewhere you shouldn’t be
Lighting firecrackers and eating greasy foods with your family
Hilarious last minute Halloween costumes
That one house on your street that gets really, really into Halloween
Strategic trick-or-treating
Intense post-Halloween candy trades
Getting the emergency exit row on the airplane when you’re heading home
The Kids Table
Digging a hole in your mashed potatoes and filling it up with gravy
Getting the bigger half of the wishbone
Getting away with putting three desserts on your plate
The Turkey Coma
Singing the national anthem with a big crowd
The loudest guy at the game
When your favorite football team is in the big nationally televised game
The Echo Meal
Getting through it
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
My Awesome Things
WHAT’S YOUR AWESOME THING
Teaser from THE HAPPINESS EQUATIONS
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