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Index
Copyright Page
Dedication
Introduction
PART I - CRIMINAL JUSTICE PLAYERS: COPS, BAD GUYS, THE CLUELESS HORDE
Chapter 1 - NEW PLANTATIONS FOR NEW GENERATIONS
IT STARTS WITH THE ARREST
THE CRIMINAL JUSTICE PLANTATION
JUVIE HALL AIN’T NO MALL
FIELD INTERROGATIONS
IT TAKES A VILLAGE? THE SOCIAL SERVICES PLANTATION
THE ELECTRONIC TATTOO
THE MATRIX UPLOADED—THE EYE IN THE SKY
THE ELECTRONIC PLANTATION
THE MAGIC PORTAL
SO WHO’S IN CHARGE? NOBODY!
CAN I HAVE YOUR SOCIAL?
WHAT ABOUT MY RIGHT TO PRIVACY?
THE RIGHT TO BE LEFT ALONE
Chapter 2 - TO HUNT AND ARREST IS THE QUEST OF THE BEST
FLUSHING RABBITS
THE POWER
THE BOYS’ CLUB FOR MEN
SOVEREIGN IMMUNITY
THE GLORY
THE FREAK SHOW
Chapter 3 - WHEN YOU’RE LIVING FREE AND TALL, DON’T BECOME A SCORE IN POLICE PINBALL
FRUIT PATROLS AND JOHN BUSTS
PROACTIVE POLICING
ODE TO DOPE
THE CRIMINAL JUSTICE EMPIRE
Chapter 4 - GETTING WISE TO REAL BAD GUYS
MONEYED THUGS
THE PROBLEM WITH REAL BAD GUYS
Chapter 5 - GET ON BOARD WITH THE CLUELESS HORDE
CLUELESS BEHAVIORS
THE CLUELESSNESS QUOTIENT CHART
CHANGING CLUELESS BEHAVIORS
THE MORALS OF THIS STORY
Chapter 6 - THOSE FREAKING JITS WILL GIVE YOU FITS
SUE PEENA? WHO’S THAT?
WHERE YOU STAYIN’ AT?
PRECAVEMAN LIFE—ALPHA MALES ROAMING THE URBAN SAVANNAH
HOODLUM CHIC
INNOCENT SAVAGES
Chapter 7 - WHY MINORITIES GET HAMMERED
RACISM
IN SEARCH OF THE GREAT WHITE DEFENDANT
DO WHITE TRASH GET A PASS BECAUSE THEY’RE WHITE?
ARE BLACK AND HISPANIC AMERICANS MORE CLUELESS?
STEREOTYPES AND PROFILES—GET USED TO THEM
Chapter 8 - LAW ENFORCEMENT SHOULDN’T GIVE A PASS TO ALL THOSE CROOKS IN THE ...
THE MORALS OF THIS STORY
Chapter 9 - SOME MODEST SUGGESTIONS
PART II - ARREST PROOFING ON THE STREETS
Chapter 10 - COP A ’TUDE AND YOU GET SCREWED
Chapter 11 - DIRTY COP TRICKS
Chapter 12 - PEEKABOO! PEEKABOO! DON’T LET BIG BAD COPS SEE YOU
SEARCH WARRANTS AND PLAIN VIEW
IDS ON THE STREET
PROFILING
LOOK LIKE A CROOK? HOW DUMB CAN YOU GET?
THE BEAUTY OF INCONGRUITY—IF YOU’RE A COP
THE ARREST-Q
ARRESTABILITY BY AREA
HOW THE SHARKS HUNT
Chapter 13 - WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN THEY COME FOR YOU?
Chapter 14 - BLUE LIGHT? STAY OUT OF SIGHT!
Chapter 15 - IF YOU LIE, THE COPS WILL PRY
WHY LYING TO ORDINARY PEOPLE WORKS
WHY LYING TO COPS DOESN’T WORK
Chapter 16 - MAMA WAS RIGHT: STAY HOME AT NIGHT!
TO STAY FREE, STAY HOME
Chapter 17 - YOU CAN WIN BY GIVING IN
YES, THIS IS AN INSULT
A WORD ABOUT SEARCHES
SO WHATCHA GONNA DO?
Chapter 18 - TO AVOID THE TRAGIC, USE WORDS THAT ARE MAGIC
THE QUIZ BEGINS
THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT
WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO TELL THE COPS?
“WHY ARE YOU HIDING?”
PEEPING AT WOMEN
ABOUT SHUTTING UP
WHAT TO DO WHEN THE STUFF HITS THE FAN
WHAT TO SAY IF YOU’RE GUILTY?
MUM’S THE RULE WHEN YOU’RE IN SCHOOL
DO AS THE COPS DO
PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE
Chapter 19 - STREET CREDS ARE TOPS FOR DEALING WITH COPS
HOW TO USE CREDS DURING A POLICE STOP
WHAT CREDS DO
FILLING IN THE INFORMATION
ABOUT LISTING AN ATTORNEY
ABOUT YOUR FRIEND ON THE POLICE FORCE
ABOUT THE MAGIC PHRASE
Chapter 20 - THERE AIN’T NO HOPE WHEN YOU CARRY DOPE
PRESCRIPTION DRUGS AND KIDDIE NARCOTICS
Chapter 21 - EMERGENCY PROCEDURES
ASK FOR A NOTICE TO APPEAR
WAKE UP. DRESS UP. SHOW UP.
CRY—TRAGICALLY, COPIOUSLY!
BARF, PEE, POOP
POLICE BRUTALITY
Chapter 22 - WHEN GIRLS TELL A TALE THAT SENDS YOU TO JAIL
JAIL BAIT
SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
GET THE LICENSE—FAST!
SMACK YOUR WOMAN AND YOU’LL DO A STRETCH
DON’T TALK, WALK !
PART III - ARREST PROOFING IN YOUR CAR
Chapter 23 - CITIZEN INSPECTION? REVENUE COLLECTION? OR DRIVER PROTECTION?
DOLLARS FOR CITIES AND ROACH SPRAY FOR CROOKS
YOUR CAR AS A FREAKING EASTER EGG
THE UNIFORM ARREST CODE
“YOUR PAPERS, PLEASE”: THE CITIZEN INSPECTION SYSTEM
ABOUT THAT PAPERWORK
SUSPENDED LICENSES
TRAFFIC COURT
OUTSTANDING WARRANTS
Chapter 24 - MIRROR, MIRROR IN THE CAR, WILL THE COPS STAY NEAR OR FAR?
A PRAYER FOR POLICE
AREN’T YOU TELLING ME TO ACT AND DRIVE LIKE WHITE-BREAD AMERICA?
Chapter 25 - STAYING FREE DURING A TRAFFIC STOP MEANS THE GUY WHO LOSES IS THE COP
THE ROUTINE TRAFFIC STOP
SIGN THAT TICKET OR YOU’LL REGRET IT
THE FELONY STOP
Chapter 26 - TO BE SEARCHED OR NOT TO BE SEARCHED? THAT IS THE QUESTION!
ARE YOU FEELING LUCKY?
THE FAMOUS TRICK QUESTIONS
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU SAY NO
WHEN YOU SHOULD ALWAYS SAY NO
WHAT TO DO DURING A SEARCH
WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU’RE ABOUT TO GET ARRESTED
WHY YOU SHOULD RESIST SEARCHES
Chapter 27 - TIPS THAT NEVER FAIL TO KEEP YOU OUT OF JAIL
FORGET THE RADAR DETECTOR. YOUR CAR’S THE REFLECTOR!
BIKES, YIKES!
Chapter 28 - CAR CREDS ARE THE KEY TO KEEP YOU FREE
Chapter 29 - DON’T GET IN A LURCH. DO A SEARCH!
YOU FOUND SOMETHING. NOW WHAT?
Chapter 30 - YOU CAN TELL COPS “TOODLE-OO” WHEN YOU SQUIRT THE YELLOW GOO
ABOUT CARS FOR TEENAGERS
NOW WE’RE DONE
PART IV - AIDS TO LEARNING
THE GOLDEN RULES
THE MAGIC WORDS
RESPECTFUL WAYS TO REFUSE ANSWERING QUESTIONS
INDEX
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