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Index
CHAPTER ONE
Lavender Sweatshirts
CHAPTER TWO
Ah, Yes, Vomit and Posh Boys
CHAPTER THREE
Amazing Teachers and Innuendos
CHAPTER FOUR
Late Arrivals
CHAPTER FIVE
Jade Dragons and Beer Pong
CHAPTER SIX
Tattoos and Emotional Bruises
CHAPTER SEVEN
Frosting for Breakfast
CHAPTER EIGHT
Bottoms in Skirts
CHAPTER NINE
Alcoholism Goes Delightfully With Fries
CHAPTER TEN
Pretty Packages
CHAPTER ELEVEN
First Dates Come With Pork
CHAPTER TWELVE
Chocolate Raspberry Cheesecake
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
I Just Wanted A Coffee
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Elliot the Assistant Manager
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Snowflake With A Low Bank Account
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Promises of Stairwell Fun
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Tom Holland
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Olive Garden Bathroom
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Off-brand Fruit Loops
CHAPTER TWENTY
Beard Couples
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Coming Out
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Horny Teenagers
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Sour Slushie
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
I’m Not Gonna Suck Your Dick in a Public Restroom
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Happily Married Homosexuals
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Sad Finn
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Daisy Shirt and a Matching Skirt
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
McDonald’s is Really Close to the Funeral Home
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Mateo is a Latino God
CHAPTER THIRTY
Buy Me A Crown
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Internalized Homophobia
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
John Mulaney Reference
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Homie-sexuals
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Make the Cishets Uncomfy
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Bottom Shaming is Toxic
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
Elsa is a Lesbian Icon
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
Economy-class Boy
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
The Crown is on its Way
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
AA Meetings for Ass Addiction
CHAPTER FORTY
Republican Morals
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
Stolen Glasses
CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
Touch Questions
CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
Gay Shit and Kitty Cats
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
Michael in the Bathroom
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
Rocky Horror Picture Show
EPILOGUE
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