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Imperial Library
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Index
Cover Page
Title Page
Copyright Page
Dedication
Contents
The Thick Man
Oh, Pardon My Hard-On
Rue St. Denis
Troubles With Cockroaches and Young Girls
My Wiener Is Damaged!
I Called Myself El Cid
Ron Gospodarski
My New Society Testimony: Able to Love Again
Self-Sentenced
I Love You More Than You Know
Everybody Dies in Memphis
Escape Home
No Contact, Asshole!
Whores, Writers, and a Pimple: My Trip to Europe
Snowfall
Club Existential Dread
The Most Phallic Building in the World
The Most Phallic Building in the World Contest
’Tis the Season for Halitosis
Kurt Cobain
Loose Tiles
Sneakers Make the Boy
A Tribute to George Plimpton
I Love Jack Kerouac
Our Selves Between Us
How I Almost Committed Suicide Because of a Wart
Jersey Shore
S/he Said, He Said
Midlife Assessment: Cataloging My Ruination
The Onion Asks Me: What Is Funny?
Acknowledgments
Footnotes
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