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Index
Cover
Other Books by This Author
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Epigraph
Contents
The Game
New Identities
Asshole
Learning the Rules
Rule #4
The Bad, The Badder, and The Ugly
Soap Opera Villain
Types
A Tupperware Box Full of Fresh-Sucked Pills
L.L.
A Swallowed But
The Dreamiest Arms in People Magazine
Cats and Dogs
Sweet Talk
Crazy Spell
Phony
Doing It
Three-Day Rule
Serial Killer
Angry Red Mouth Print
Boats in Bottles
0
Amateur Night
That Makes Quite a Stink
The Barn
Russian Roulette Truth
About Busted Up My Poor Boy’s Head
The Mystery of the Snitch in the Night
Will Hayes Go to China?
Guido Gardens
A Red Shirt and a Polka-Dot Dress
Boone’s Farm
A Half-Collapsed Barn Covered in Kudzu Vines
Heckle and Jeckle
Baby’s Got a New Pair of Shoes
Advice
You Did What, Now?
Should I Really Let Logan Loy Spend the Night?
3:46 to 3:47 AM
Sort of Green
Princess Lynn Marie
Filthy
Sex Slave
The Dangers of Girl Warming
A New Boat
The First Real Lie
Officially AWOL
Nervous
Finally
I’ve Been Thinking
The Emperor’s New Clothes
A Fistful of Trojans
The Answer
Fashion Crime
Some Nightmares Smell Like Burning Plastic
Logan’s Car
Dirty Wild Indian
Darling, Mind If I Step Inside?
Business Card
A Misdiagnosed Stomach Bug
You Clean Up Nice
But It’s Really More Like a Dozen
And Then the Awful Quiet
Good Cop, Bad M.P.
The 175-Pound Three-Year-Old
He Ain’t What I Expected
A Stink Even Febreze Can’t Fix
Shitty Mothers
Wet Wiring
It Ain’t a Tea Party
Bright and Blank and Terrible
Shoelaces and Duct Tape
Those Dogs Looked Like They Were Fixing to Eat Us
You All Got Anything Cold to Drink?
The World in Ashtray Colors
The Time for Fucking Around Is Done
Shadow Puppet Show
I Forgave the Rest
Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down
Hide and Seek
Acknowledgments
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