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Imperial Library
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Index
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Contents
Dedication
Introduction: How to Weep in Public
Part One: How to Be a Depressive-in-Training as a Child
Chapter One: Babyhood: Early Practice in Crying While Making Eye Contact with Strangers
Chapter Two: Let’s Make a Family Tree: Where Every Fruit Is a Mood Disorder
Chapter Three: Pediatric Health: Learning to Say No to Life with Your Body
Chapter Four: Defining Moments: One Big Trauma or One Million Incidental Ones
Chapter Five: Hell Is Other Kids: Develop a Social Anxiety on the Playground That Will Come in Handy as an Adult
Chapter Six: Nightlight Chats with a Half-Jewish God: The Depressive-in-Training’s Guide to Faith
Chapter Seven: Birthday Wishes: That My Tenth B-day Pass by Unmentioned
Chapter Eight: School: A Hideous Microcosm of the World
Part Two: How to Cultivate Your Depression as a Young Adult
Chapter Nine: Your First Therapist: Convince Her That She Fixed You at the End of Every Session, Then Go Home for More Suffering
Chapter Ten: “College,” People Say. “They’re the Best Years of Your Life”: Prove Them Wrong
Chapter Eleven: Alcohol and Drugs: Figure Out How Self-Medication Fits into Your Lifestyle
Chapter Twelve: The Pharma Shuffle: Go Off and on and Off and on Various Meds in an Endless, Shoddy, Poorly Organized, Barely Controlled Experiment on Your Own Body
Chapter Thirteen: Socializing for the Burgeoning Depressive: Or, I Have Nothing to Offer, So I Brought Nothing to the Party
Chapter Fourteen: Healthy Relationships Won’t Serve You Now: Sad, Desperate Sexual Encounters Allow You to Pretend You’re Not Depressed, but Merely Struggling Through Act 2 of an Indie About a Young Girl Discovering Self-Worth
Chapter Fifteen: Collapse Dead at the Finish Line: Get a Job and a Life and Then Self-Destruct Over the Course of Many Months in a Performance Piece Called “Actually, the Depression Won, but Look, I Totally Gave It a Go!”
Part Three: How to Become a Depressed Grown-Up
Chapter Sixteen: Home Is Where You Cry the Loudest: The Depressive Decorates
Chapter Seventeen: Do Your Crying on a Cat: Curling Up in the Comfort of Pets
Chapter Eighteen: You’re a Real Depresso Now and You’re Ready for Your Uniform: The Depressive and Fashion
Chapter Nineteen: Eat to Not Die, Don’t Not Die to Eat: The Depressive Chef
Chapter Twenty: Cozy Up at Rock Bottom with a Good Book: The Depressive Reads
Part Four: How to Take Your Fully Actualized Depression into the Wider World . . . and (Gasp) Go Outside
Chapter Twenty-one: Make Peace with Sunshine: The Depressive Ventures Outdoors
Chapter Twenty-two: Bad-Weather Friends: Let Your Depressive Antisocial Habits Destroy Thin Friendships, Reveal the Real Troupers, and Make Way for More Depressos
Chapter Twenty-three: Explore the Whole “Having a Body” Thing as a Break from the Prison of Your Mind: The Depressive on Fitness and Diet
Chapter Twenty-four: Let’s Do It, Let’s Fall in Love: Run into the Ocean of Love with Your Depression Shoes Still On
Chapter Twenty-five: Get Serious About Your Healing: But Don’t Actually Heal Until You’re in the Mood
Conclusion: Off You Go, Then!
Acknowledgments
About the Author
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