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Imperial Library
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Index
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Contents
Introduction
Two Stupid Jerks Invent Food (A Cherokee Creation Story)
They All Laughed at Christopher Columbus... Because He Was Dumb
The Roanoke Colonists Forget to Leave a Forwarding Address
I Wish I Could Have Crashed the First Thanksgiving
Salem Sets Ladies on Fire
Tea Is for Wankers
The Declaration of Independence, or: Much Ado About FREEDOM
George Washington Is Cash Money
Rip Van Winkle Sleeps His Way to the Top
Benjamin Franklin Is the God of Lightning
Alexander Hamilton Is a Straight-Up G
Thomas Jefferson Is a Radical Man, Buying Radical Land
Lewis and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman... No, Wait
Paul Bunyan Is Godzilla But with Thumbs
The Book of Mormon: Great Musical, Bad Book
The Trail of Tears Is Not the Name of a Linkin Park Album
I Am Too Drunk to Remember the Alamo
Bre’r Rabbit Is the Bugs Bunny of Folk Heroes
Harriet Tubman Has Seizures for Justice
Abraham Lincoln Is as Tall as He Is Tall
Sarah Emma Edmonds Might Actually Be Your Dad and You Would Never Know
John Henry Works Himself to Death
Custer’s Last Stand Is Highly Unnecessary
Billy the Kid Loves Bacon, Killing People
Pecos Bill Kicks Meteorology in the Face
Calamity Jane Has the Best Nickname
Johnny Appleseed Is the Delicious Kind of Crazy
H. H. Holmes: The Original Triple H
Susan B. Anthony Sells Out for Equality
Teddy Roosevelt. That Is All.
Al Capone Gets Everyone Hammered
Thomas Edison Is a Killing Machinist
The Great Depression Was Actually Not So Great
FDR Doesn’t Like Asians Very Much
Superman Is the Definition of an Illegal Alien
ELVIS LIVES!
J. Robert Oppenheimer Is the God of Guns
Of All the Places Aliens Could Have Visited, They Chose Roswell
If You Haven’t Slept with Marilyn Monroe, You Probably Aren’t Important
Martin Luther King Could Own You at Pool
Kennedy Tries to Nuke the Moon
Conclusion: A Myth in Progress
Acknowledgments
Further Reading
About the Author
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