Negropedia · the Assimilated Negro's Crash Course on the Modern Black Experience by Evans, Patrice -- Read -- Imperial Library of Trantor

Index

Cover Title Page Copyright Dedication Contents Introduction: Black: A Postracial Perspective 1. Black is the New Black: A Primer to Blackness for All and for None

Nine-Step Assimilation Program The Ghetto Chinese Spot The Ghetto Chicken Spot Gypsy Cabs Tracy Morgan Translator No Homo(sexuality) I Like Girly Drinks Public Transportation Should We Bring Back Segregation?

2. The Little Black Book: Dating on the Color Line

A Letter from a Black Guy to His Average-Size Penis The Clair Huxtable Code Badu and the Sisterhood of the Traveling Bougie Black Beauties Common and the Circle of Conscious Rappers Ghetto Pickup Artists A Letter from a Black Woman to Her Relatively Flat Ass Do We Need a Mediocre Black Chick Appreciation Program? Miscegenation Row: Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Make Beautiful Mixed-Race Babies True Negro Confessions: Ebony Porn Can I Have Sex with a Racist?

3. The Black List: The Hall of Hallowed Negroes

Four Horsemen of the Postracial Apocalypse Five Asses That Changed America Comedy BlackPack Will “Keeping It Real” Ever Go Right? The Black Elected Official The Talking Head Preachers Five Percenters Black Jesus The Sad Tale of Mr. Racist and the Well

4. The Hip-Hop Genome Project: Black is Something You Do, Hip-Hop is Something You Live

You Might Be a Rapper Which Rapper Should You Be? Freestyle Ciphers The Seven Emcees You Meet in Hip-Hop How to Make a Top Ten Hip-Hop Album List Cultural Stock Tip: Buy KRS-One The Roots Paradox The Death of Black Cool

5. Fade to Black: Welcome to Blollywood

Movie Theater Mayhem A Crash Intervention The Urban Cinema Box Set The Godfathers Five Interracial Hookups That Could Change America Can Celebrities Adopt Us?

6. Ballers: Don’t Hate the Player …

The Cheating Black Athlete’s Playbook The Fallen Athlete Playbook Doggie Civil Rights The Black NFL Coach’s Five-Point Manifesto Summertime Recreation

7. Ballin’: … Change the Uniform

Baggy Jeans FUBU Fashion Blipsters R.I.P.

8. In the Black: Color-Blind Capitalism

Corner Bodegas McDonald’s WTF is Wall Street? The Check-Cashing Spot Street Entrepreneurialism Are You Smarter Than a Mailroom (Pseudo)Mogul? Racist Internet Retail Catalog

9. Toward a Postracial Apocalypse

African American Studies Can We Bury the Term “Young, Gifted, and Black”? The Argument for Obama Dap Day Can We Still Guilt-Trip White Folks on Slavery? The Nine Stages of GentriFranchise Hell The Five Caucasians You Meet in the Ghetto The MySpace Ghetto The Case for White History Month What Do You Know about Wigger History Month? Postracial is Not Postmodern

Acknowledgments About the Author