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Index
Introduction
How many did God kill?
Who has killed more, Satan or God?
Estimated totals: Satan and God
How many more will God kill?
1. The Flood of Noah: All flesh died that moved upon the earth
2. Abraham's war to rescue Lot
3. Sodom and Gomorrah: Shall I hide from Abraham the thing that I do?
4. Remember Lot’s wife (Forget Jesus)
5. Er was wicked in the sight of the Lord (so the Lord slew him)
6. Onan spilled it on the ground(so the Lord killed him too)
7. God’s seven year, world-wide famine
8. The seventh plague of Egypt:Hail shall come down upon them and they shall die
9. The Lord smote all the firstborn in the land of Egypt
10. The Lord took off their chariot wheels
11. The Lord will have war with Amalek from generation to generation
12. Who is on the Lord’s side:Forcing friends and family to kill each other
13. The Lord plagued the people because of the calf that Aaron made
14. God burns Aaron’s sons to death for offering “strange fire”
15. A blasphemer is stoned to death
16. When the people complained, God burned them to death
17. While the flesh was still between their teeth, the Lord smote them with a very great plague
18. Ten scouts are killed for their honest report
19. A man gathering sticks on the Sabbath day
20. The opposing party is buried alive(along with their families)
21. God burns 250 people to death for burning incense
22. God killed 14,700 for complaining about God’s killings
23. The massacre of the Aradites
24. God sent fiery serpents to bite the people for complaining about the lack of food and water
25. Phinehas' double murder:A killing to end God’s killing
26. The Midianite massacre: Have you saved all the women alive?
27. God slowly killed the Israelite army
28. God the giant killer
29. God hardens King Sihon’s heart so that all his people can be killed
30. All the men, women, and children in 60 cities
31. The Jericho massacre
32. Achan and his family are stoned and burned to death
33. The Ai massacre
34. God stops the sun so that Joshua can get his killing done in the daylight
35. Five kings killed and hung on trees
36. Joshua utterly destroyed all that breathed as the Lord God commanded
37. The genocide of twenty kingdoms
38. The Anakim: Some more giant killing
39. The Lord delivered the Canaanites and the Perizzites
40. The Jerusalem massacre
41. Five massacres, a wedding, and some God-proof iron chariots
42. The Lord delivered Chushanrishathaim
43. Ehud delivers a message from God
44. God delivers 10,000 lusty Moabites
45. Shamgar killed 600 Philistines with an ox goad
46. Barak and God massacre the Canaanites
47. Jael pounds a tent stake through a sleeping man’s skull
48. Gideon's story: The Lord set every man’s sword against his fellow
49. A city is massacred and 1000 burn to death because of God’s evil spirit
50. The Ammonite massacre
51. Jephthah’s daughter
52. 42,000 killed for failing the “shibboleth” test
53. The spirit of the Lord came upon Samson and he murdered thirty men for their clothes
54. The spirit of the Lord came upon Samson and he killed 1000 men with the jawbone of an ass
55. Samson killed 3000 in a suicide terrorist attack
56. A holy civil war (It had something to do with rotting, concubine body-part messages)
57. The end of Judges: Two genocides and 200 stolen virgins
58. God kills Eli’s sons and 34,000 Israelite soldiers
59. God smote them with hemorrhoids in their secret parts
60. 50,070 killed for looking into the ark of the Lord
61. The Lord thundered great thunder upon the Philistines
62. Another Ammonite massacre (and another God-inspired, body-part message)
63. Jonathan’s very first slaughter (not counting the one before)
64. God forces the Philistines to kill each other
65. The Amalekite genocide
66. Samuel hacks Agag to death before the Lord
67. In the valley of Elah: Goliath
68. David buys a wife with 200 Philistine foreskins
69. The Lord said to David, Go and smite the Philistines
70. God killed Nabal (and David got his wife and other stuff)
71. David commits random acts of genocide (as a mercenary for the Philistines)
72. David spends the day killing Amalekites
73. God killed Saul (and his sons and soldiers) for not killing all the Amalekites
74. David killed the messenger
75. David killed Rechab and Baanah, cut off their hands and feet, and hung their bodies over the pool
76. God helps David smite the Philistines from the front and the rear
77. God killed Uzzah for trying to keep the ark from falling
78. David killed two-thirds of the Moabite POWs and enslaved the rest
79. The Lord gave David victory wherever he went
80. David killed every male in Edom
81. Thus did David unto all the children of Ammon
82. God slowly kills a baby
83. Famine and human sacrifice: Seven sons of Saul are hung up before the Lord
84. David’s mighty men and their amazing killings
85. God killed 70,000 because David had a census that God (or Satan) told him to do
86. Solomon carried out the deathbed wish of David by having Joab and Shimei murdered
87. A tale of two prophets
88. Jeroboam’s son: God kills another child
89. Jeroboam’s family
90. Baasha’s family and friends
91. Zimri burns to death
92. The drought of Elijah
93. Elijah kills 450 religious leaders in a prayer contest
94. The first God-assisted slaughter of the Syrians
95. God killed 100,000 Syrians for calling him a god of the hills
96. God killed 27,000 Syrians by making a wall fall on them
97. God sent a lion to kill a man for not smiting a prophet
98. God killed Ahab for not killing a captured king
99. God burned 102 men to death for asking Elijah to come down from his hill
100. God killed Ahaziah (of Israel) for asking the wrong God
101. God sent two bears to rip apart 42 boys for making fun of a prophet’s bald head
102. The Lord delivered the Moabites
103. A skeptic is trampled to death
104. God’s seven year famine
105. Jehoram of Israel
106. Jezebel
107. Ahab’s sons: Seventy heads in two heaps
108. Ahab’s hometown family, friends, and priests
109. Jehu killed Ahaziah’s family
110. Jehu and his partner show their zeal for the Lord by killing the rest of Ahab’s family
111. Jehu assembles the followers of Baal and then slaughters them all
112. The priest of Baal and Queen Athaliah
113. God sent lions to eat those that didn’t fear him enough
114. An angel killed 185,000 sleeping soldiers
115. God caused King Sennacherib to be killed by his sons
116. Josiah killed all the priests of the high places
117. Just another holy war
118. God killed a half million Israelite soldiers
119. Jeroboam
120. God killed a million Ethiopians
121. Friendly Fire: God forced “a great multitude” to kill each other
122. God made Jehoram’s bowels fall out
123. God killed Jehoram’s sons
124. Ahaziah (of Judah)
125. Joash, the princes, and army of Judah
126. God destroyed Amaziah
127. God smote Ahaz with the king of Syria
128. God killed 120,000 valiant men for forsaking him
129. The fall of Jerusalem
130. God and Satan kill Job’s children and slaves
131. Hananiah
132. Ezekiel’s wife
133. Ananias and Sapphira
134. Herod Aggripa
135. Jesus
Afterword
A list of God’s killings
Illustrations
Acknowledgments
About the author
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