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Imperial Library
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Index
Cover
Title
Copyright
Dedication
Contents
Introduction
Part 1 - The Southern Family
Chapter 1 - Stop Watching Your Plasma TV and Start Selling Your Plasma!
Chapter 2 - Baby Born Won’t Poop
Chapter 3 - There’s a Hair in My Bacon Grease
Chapter 4 - Mama and Them, Precious and Dahlin’
Chapter 5 - Here Comes the Bride
Chapter 6 - Where Were You When Stringbean Passed?
Part 2 - Kids
Chapter 1 - Chuck E. Cheese’s
Chapter 2 - “And What Did You Have for Breakfast, Dear?” Tell the Preschool Nazis You Had Waffles and Eggs ’Stead of Juicy Fruit and a Coke, Okay?
Chapter 3 - “Sorry I Can’t Make It to the Recital”
Chapter 4 - “Your Kid’s Fever Is So High, the Others Are
Chapter 5 - Preschool Already?
Chapter 6 - “Pssst—Wanna Buy Some Really Ugly Gift Wrap?”
Chapter 7 - How to Be a Hands-On Parent Using Field Trips, Dead Butterflies, and Beefaroni
Part 3 - Couples Therapy, Southern Style
Chapter 1 - “Papa, Don’t Preach”
Chapter 2 - “Never Saw ’Em Before in My Life”
Chapter 3 - Study Says Men Listen with Half Their Brains They Use the Other Half for Caulk
Chapter 4 - Big Screen, Big Tallywacker Shoot, Everybody Knows That
Chapter 5 - Sick of Seeing Men at Those “Couples” Baby Showers?
Part 4 - The Southern Woman
Chapter 1 - Scientists Discover Fat Virus!
Chapter 2 - I Drum ’Em on My Desk and They Click Like a Poodle on Pergo
Chapter 3 - Mother’s Day Memories
Chapter 4 - “What We Havin’ for Dinner Tonight, Sugar Booger?”
Chapter 5 - Real Simple Magazine: Meet Manwich, the Working Girl’s Best Friend
Chapter 6 - Screw the Wisdom of Menopause
Chapter 7 - Birthday Greetings from the Insurance Ghouls
Part 5 - The Gravy on the Grits
Chapter 1 - Stamp Out Gossip?
Chapter 2 - SUVs Eat the Ozone?
Chapter 3 - Feeling Squirrely
Chapter 4 - And Now a Word from the Cockpit…
Chapter 5 - This Just In from the Workplace
Chapter 6 - TV or Not TV
Chapter 7 - Cirrus, Schmirrus… They’re All Just Puffy to Me
Chapter 8 - I am Boobalicious, Hear Me Roar
Chapter 9 - Silly Lawsuits Could Clog a Toto
Epilogue
Acknowledgments
Preview
She Drives Me Crazy
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