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Index
Cover Dedication Preface: “Parentology” Defined 1. What Not to Expect When You’re Expecting 2. Tying the Knot (and I Don’t Mean Marriage—or the Umbilicus) 3. But Maybe You Should Name Your Boy Sue: What’s Not in a Name 4. The Best Thesaurus Is a Human Thesaurus: How to Read to Your Kids 5. Practicing the Delicate Arts of Extortion and Bribery (How Else Are American Children Supposed to Catch Up to the Finnish People in Math?) 6. GET THEM THE PUPPY! GET THEM THE PUPPY! 7. Shut the F* Up, Dad! Discipline (or Lack Thereof) 8. Turn Your Feral Child into a Nice American Capitalist (You Know You Want To) 9. If It’s Organic, Don’t Panic—and Other Tips I Learned in Berkeley for Drugging One’s Kids 10. Go Ahead and Get Divorced—Your Kids’ Genes Will Never Notice Acknowledgments About Dalton Conley Sources for Additional Reading Notes Copyright
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