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Index
Cover Dedication Introduction
Why Should You Listen to Us? It’s Me, the Head Pro. ’Sup? Having a Boyfriend for the Sake of Having a Boyfriend Quotes About Love and Why They’re Bullshit Cue the Tears and Chocolate: There’s No Such Thing as a Soul Mate
Chapter 1: Hot Messes Need Love Too: Preparing to Date
Getting Your Shit Together: It’s Like Sephora for the Soul Getting Over Your Ex-Whatever How to Get Your Shit Together, Ugh What Are Men Attracted To? (by Head Pro) Shit Girls Care About (That Guys Don’t Even Notice) Spark Notes
Chapter 2: So Now I’m Like, Really Pretty, Where Do I Find Him?: Getting Out There
So Where Are All the Men? Online Dating: It’s Only Weird If You Make It Weird Do Guys Care About Your Job? (by Head Pro) What Guys Think of Your Profile (by Head Pro) When Is It Okay for Me to Hit On a Guy? (by Head Pro) Dealbreakers for Guys Spark Notes
Chapter 3: The Way It Begins Is the Way It Ends: Hookups and Fuck Ups
Flirting in Person Flirting via Text Flirting via Social Media: How to Make Sure You Never Get a Dick Pic Flirting: From a Bro’s Perspective (by Head Pro) The Fateful First Date Use It or Lose It: Ditching the Dead Weight PSA: Do Not Accept These Dates Spark Notes
Chapter 4: Don’t Push It, Focker: The Early Stages
When It’s Too Early to Show Your Crazy Side Things Guys Do (and Continue to Do) That We Don’t Want You to Know About (by Head Pro) Early-Stage Social Media Etiquette: Take the Backseat Social Media: A Curse for the Shady Bros Living in a Shady World What His Social Media Says About Him: Less Is More Dealbreakers from a Guy’s Perspective (by Head Pro) What Guys Think When You Decide to Have Sex with Them Seriously, Though: Don’t Fucking Get Ahead of Yourself Spark Notes
Chapter 5: Making It or Breaking It: The Dating Process
Chill the Fuck Out, He Is Not Your Boyfriend Yet (by Head Pro) How to Deal with Being Ghosted You Were Never Really Dating: Getting Over the Almost Boyfriend How Do You Eliminate Him from Your Life Despite the Fact That You Like, Really Don’t Want To So WTF Do I Do? So You’re Dating a Psycho . . . Dealbreakers in Casual Dating Dealbreakers from a Guy’s Perspective (by Head Pro) Spark Notes
Chapter 6: Lock That Shit Down: Getting into a Relationship
Defining Relationships in the Twenty-First Century Why Social Media Is the Fucking Worst for Relationships You Have a Boyfriend: Now What? Meeting the Friends and Family: Oh Fuck It’s Not Me, It’s Your Family Keeping Your Guy Interested Shitty Things You Should NOT Do in Relationships How to Fight Without Setting All His Clothes on Fire Dealing with His Annoying AF Tendencies Dealbreakers in Relationships (by Head Pro) Crying: How to Do It Without Becoming a Nicegirl Cheating: Is It Ever Excusable? This Isn’t Working Out. How Do I Get Him to GTFO? I Just Got Dumped. WTF Do I Do Now!? Breaking Up Over Social Media What If He Tries to Get Back Together with Me? Should I Let Him? Endearing Habits vs. Annoying Habits (by Head Pro) Spark Notes
Chapter 7: Commitment and Shit: The “Serious” Relationship, Womp, Womp
Changing Your Guy: Acceptance vs. Cutting Your Losses How Do I Know If My Relationship Is Moving Forward or Dunzo? Should You Ever Be the One to Broach Topics Like Engagement or Moving In? Sex: How to Stay Drunk in Love A Note on Nude Pics Show Me the Money Moving In: Boys? Yuck Ultimatums: Are They Ever Okay? Does the Guy Just Know? (by Head Pro) Getting Engaged: Two Souls, One Shiny Rock Weddings: Defining the Bridal Betch So Once I Get Married Do I Get to Quit My Job Immediately? Prenups: Should I Get One or Are They Like, So Last Season? Stay Hot, It’ll Make Everyone Happy How to Avoid the Marriage “Trap” (by Head Pro) Spark Notes
Conclusion: You Can Still Skip This Part Acknowledgments About The Betches Copyright
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