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Imperial Library
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Index
Acknowledgments
Introduction
Why Can't We All Just Get Along?
What the Experts Say
The Dark Side of Human Nature
Why We Secretly Love to Hate
Three Ideas That Can Change Your Life
Diagnosing Your Relationship
How Good Is Your Relationship? The Relationship Satisfaction Test
What Do You REALLY Want?
The Price of Intimacy
The Relationship Journal
Good Communication vs. Bad Communication
How We Control Other People
Three Troubled Couples
How to Develop Loving Relationships with the People You Care About
The Five Secrets of Effective Communication
The Disarming Technique
Thought and Feeling Empathy
Inquiry: “Did I Get That Right?”
“I Feel” Statements
Stroking: “I— It” vs. “I—Thou” Relationships
Putting It All Together: Solutions to Common Relationship Problems
Making the Five Secrets Work for You
Mastering the Five Secrets
Using the Five Secrets in Real Time: The Intimacy Exercise
Intimacy Training for Couples: The One-Minute Drill
Common Traps—and How to Avoid Them
“Help! The Five Secrets Didn't Work!”
Helping and Problem Solving
Hiding Your Head in the Sand: Conflict Phobia and Anger Phobia
Apologizing: “Can't I Just Say, ‘I'm Sorry’?”
Submissiveness: “I Must Please You”
Resistance Revisited: “Why Should I Have to Do All the Work?”
Advanced Techniques
Changing the Focus: Is There an Elephant in the Room?
Positive Reframing: Opening the Door to Intimacy—and Success
Multiple-Choice Empathy: How to Talk to Someone Who Refuses to Talk to You
Appendix: Your Intimacy Toolkit
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