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Index
Title Page
Acknowledgments
Introduction
THE GURGITATOR AWARD
THE REIGNING QUEEN
THE STAKES (AND STEAKS) GET BIGGER
THAT WAS DELICIOUS! WHAT’S NEXT?
THE TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE AWARD
THIS DIET IS KILLING ME
THE WORM TURNS
THE SKINNY
THE SCAMS
STAYING SCAM-FREE
THE THREE LITTLE PIGS AWARD, #1
GETTING GRAIN-ULAR
CORN-BY-NUMBERS ART
IT’S FOR THE BIRDS
THE OLDEST TRICK IN THE BOOK AWARD
HEY, SUCKER!
BEWARE THE SPANISH PRISONER
WHO DEALS WITH IT?
THE GOOD GUY AWARD
BIG BLUE BOY SCOUT
A REAL MENSCH
THE AMERICAN WAY
THE CHEESEY DOES IT AWARD
HOME ON THE PHILLY
THE FATHER OF INVENTION
THE STAND AND DELIVER AWARD
A ROCKY ROAD TO STARDOM
THAT’S ENTERTAINMENT
DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH
ROUGH STUFF
THE MORE THE MERRIER
A LIFE WORTH LIVING
THE LET YOUR FINGERS DO THE TALKING AWARD
DIGITUS INFAMIS
TALK TO THE HAND
FLICKING THE “V”
THE YELLOW TIDE AWARD
THE TRAVELING TOYS
DRIFTING AWAY
SEPARATE WAYS
THE SOLDIER OF FASHION AWARD
BUTTONED UP
SEA CHANGE
IN THE TRENCHES
BLENDING IN TO STAND OUT
THE CLASSIC RIVALRY AWARD
THE LINEUP
TIME-OUT
A GOAT AND A MULE WALK INTO A STADIUM . . .
INSTANT REPLAY
SUCCESS STORIES
THE LET THE CHIPS FALL WHERE THEY MAY AWARD
THE BATTER THICKENS
NOT EXACTLY HOW THE COOKIE CRUMBLES
CHIPS OFF THE OLD BLOCK
SOME MORSELS OF INFORMATION
BIGGEST COOKIE EVER
THE GLOBAL WARMING SOLUTION AWARD
CARS ON CURRENTS
SLEEKER STYLING
PRIME PERFORMANCE
TESLA OR “TOM”?
THE LI’L SPEED RACER AWARD
ROUND AND ROUND
MEET THE COMPETITION
THE FINISH LINE
QUITE A COLLECTION
THE MR. LONELY AWARD
SMOKE OF A DISTANT FIRE
BIRD’S-EYE VIEW
THE BEAT GOES UP
SIGHT LINES
THE UNSOLVED MYSTERY AWARD
FASTEN YOUR SEAT BELTS
THE GREAT ESCAPE
GOING ON A MANHUNT
DID HE DO IT?
GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN
TRIVIA
THE “HE WROTE THAT?” AWARD
TWO BITS OF OSCAR TRIVIA
THE THREE LITTLE PIGS AWARD, #2
FULLY BOOKED
DRIVING ON WATER
THE DON’T CALL IT A COMEBACK AWARD
GETTING REACQUAINTED
FREE AT LAST!
CRYING WOLF
THE FAMOUS FOR 3 WORDS AWARD
A POWERFUL STATEMENT
THE TEAM BEHIND THE FLUFFY BUN
A STAR IS BORN
THE “VIDEO MADE THE RADIO STAR” AWARD
IF AT FIRST YOU DON’T SUCCEED . . .
REANIMATING A HIT
LOVE BITES
THE TAKE ON “TAKE ON ME”
THE FINAL CHAPTER
THE TANGLED UP IN BLUE AWARD
FOREVER IN BLUE JEANS
DENIM COUTURE
DISTRESSING THE ENVIRONMENT
FAVORITE FABRIC
THE STATE OF THE ART AWARD
A PROLIFIC PAIRING
GATED COMMUNITY
THE SNACK ATTACK AWARD
YE OLDE CORN
MOVIE BUTTER
SMART POP
NUKE IT!
KERNELS OF FUN
THE COMING SOON AWARD
DON’T GO IN THE WATER!
PLAYING ON YOUR FEARS
MEET SOMEONE ON THE EDGE
MASTERS OF HYPE
KEEP IT SIMPLE
THE PERSONAL ASSISTANT AWARD
JACK OF ALL TRADES
JACK TO THE RESCUE
TATTLETALE
KNOWING JACK
THE JULIA WILD CHILD AWARD
BEYOND ANT FARMS
HAVE ANOTHER APHID, MY DEAR
DOWN THE HATCH
THE BURIED TREASURE AWARD
SIGNED, SEALED, DELIVERED
NO STASH IN THE CACHE
TRACKABLE TREASURES
COLLABORATE AND NAVIGATE
HIGH-TECH HUNTING
THE NUTS TO YOU AWARD
WHITEST WHITES
SQUIRRELFESTS
BACK IN BLACK
THE JOLLY GREEN GIANT AWARD
THE GREENEST GOODBYE
LAWN CARE
WITH YOU FOREVER
THE WORMIEST TOWN AWARD
THAR’S GOLD IN THEM THAR WORMS
THE WORMS CRAWL IN, THE WORMS CRAWL OUT
GLOBAL WORMING
THE FARMER TAKES A WORM
THE MIRACLE CURE AWARDS
GET UP! STAND UP!
WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT?
WOOF! PURR . . .
THE SULTRY VOICE AWARD
TO HAVE AND HAVE MORE
BACALL OF THE WILD
THE PLAY’S THE THING
SMALL TALK
THESE KIDS TODAY
LIVING LEGEND
THE WAY WE WERE AWARD
THE CLOCK IS CUCKOO AWARD
BLAME BEN
A MODEST PROPOSAL
ENERGY SAVING TIME?
PROS AND CONS
THE VIDEO GAME “GATEWAY DRUG” AWARD
HELP!
THE NEXT GENERATION
OUR HERO
THE LOST IN SPACE AWARD
REACHING A TARGET AUDIENCE
IS ANYBODY OUT THERE?
THE LOST TREASURE AWARD
BIGGER THAN A BREADBOX
(NOT) PRESERVED IN AMBER
ROOM ON THE RUN
FOUND ART?
AMBER ROOM REDUX
THE JOLLY GREEN GIANT AWARD
YOU ARE WHAT YOU POST
WATER, WATER NOWHERE
THE FASHION ON A ROLL AWARD
THE BRIDE WORE TWO-PLY
TYING THE KNOT
STUCK ON YOU
BAG LADIES
BRIDEZILLA BONANZA
THE THINK OUTSIDE THE BOTTLE AWARD
PRETTY IN PINK
THEY’LL ALWAYS HAVE PARIS
NOT-SO-SNOOTY “FLOOT”
TINY BUBBLES, TINY RATINGS
THE BELLS AND WHISTLES AWARD
SERVINGS PER CUP
HAVE A SIP
CUPS THAT DON’T RUNNETH OVER
THE “NICE TEAMWORK, GUYS” AWARD
LIFTOFF
WHAT IT TOOK
CALL THE LANDLORD FOR REPAIRS
THE SCI-FI IN 2-D AWARD
AN ENGROSSING EDUCATION
MORE THAN JUST A PRETTY (STRANGE) PICTURE
THE ARTIST’S WAY
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
DOING IT HIS WAY
THE MAKING FACES AWARD
IDENTITY THEFT
PUTTING IT TOGETHER
MATH MAKES THE DIFFERENCE
PUTTING A HUMAN FACE ON THE PAST
THE TRADING FACES AWARD
CAT WOMAN
AMERICAN IDOLS
THE “NOW THAT’S UGLY” AWARD
SAM
TATORTOT
ARCHIE
ELWOOD
THE STINKY CHEESE AWARD
NOTES OF GARLIC AND UNWASHED FEET
RUNNY AND ROYAL
ANOTHER OLFACTORY ASSAULT
GREEN BAY STATE’S STINKY SANDWICH
THE DARK AND STORMY NIGHT AWARD
WHO WRITES SHORT SHORTS?
SHORTEST, SHORTER, SHORT
SCREEN GEMS
FLASH FORWARD
THE “SECOND BANANA” AWARD
DUELING DUET
TOWERING VIOLET
BEHIND THE SCENES
EXTRAS
THE CLASS IN A GLASS AWARD
A DRINK WITH SOMETHING IN IT
ABOUT THAT VERMOUTH
IT’S A GIN THING
THE SILVER BULLET
IN A PICKLE
THE TIMELESS FASHION AWARD
MOURNING WEAR
COCO CHANEL’S REVOLUTION
A SHOCKING SHIFT
THROUGH THE DECADES
STRIKE A POSE
THE BE HAIR NOW AWARD
LOCK LIKE AN EGYPTIAN
MYTH-CONCEPTIONS
KNOT A PROBLEM
THE TEENAGER OF THE YEAR AWARD
A CONDO MADE OF STONE
UNEARTHED
REVELATION
THE TROJAN HORSE AWARD
GIVE ME A SCOOP OF UMLAUT
KEEPING COUNT
THE LOST TREASURE AWARD
A ROCKY RELATIONSHIP
THE ICE MAN COMETH AWARD
THE HUMAN POLAR BEAR
A SWIMMING STUDY
DIVING INTO CLIMATE CHANGE
THE BRAVE NEW WORLD AWARD
TRUE-BLUE GENES
VOLCANO IN A GOLD MINE
THE HUMAN LEAGUE
THE LOST AND FOUN D AWARD
THE BIG EASY
CULTURE SHOCK
DUNCE CAPPER
MOMMIE DEAREST?
THE I SPY AWARD
A LEG UP
THE ONE-LEGGED PERSPECTIVE
BIRTH OF A TRAITOR
ESCAPE
THE PRODUCT PLACEMENT AWARD
ADVERTISING, TO THE FORE
BELLY BASICS
A SHOT IN THE ARM
OH, BABY
THE HIDE AND SEEK AWARD
INCREDIBLE EVOLVING EGGS
ON THE HUNT
THE LANGUAGE POLICE AWARD
BEG THE QUESTION
DECIMATE
COULD CARE LESS
CARD SHARP
SPIT AND IMAGE
IRONIC
THE TOP OF THE WORLD AWARD
SWITCHING GEARS
NEXT YEAR’S MODEL
BAIT AND SWITCH
GRAND BY DESIGN
PUTTING ON THE BRAKES
THE FAVORITE FLAVOR AWARD
ALL WORK AND NO PLAY
THANKS, MADAGASCAR AND TAHITI!
THE FLAVOR OF LIFE
THE ACT II AWARD
THE RIST FACTOR: OLIVER FROM THE BRADY BUNCH
LOOKS + TALENT + BRAINS = A WINNIE COMBINATION: WINNIE FROM THE WONDER YEARS
GROWING WORRIES: BEN FROM GROWING PAINS
THE CLASSIC COVER AWARD
WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS
FIXING A HOLE
WHO’S WHO ON THE COVER
THE THREE LITTLE PIGS AWARD, #3
COLD HANDS, WARM ART
THE FROZEN CHOSEN
THE COLD, HARD TRUTH
THE FIRST AMENDMENT AWARD
ARE YOU A GOOD WITCH OR A BAD WITCH?
COMPASSIONATE CAMOUFLAGE
FREEDOM IN DEATH
RECOGNITION
THE HENRY DAVID THOREAU AWARD
BURN BABY BURN
AND THEY’RE OFF
THE IT’S EASY BEING GREEN AWARD
LET THERE BE LIGHT
OUT WITH THE OLD
RATTLE AND HUM
GO GREEN
THE PAPER CHASE AWARD
CONFETTI BY ANY OTHER NAME
THE PAPER TRAIL
GREEN GIANTS
FROM GREEN TO CLEAN
TICKER TAPE TRIVIA
THE POP, POP, FIZZ, FIZZ AWARD
EGG CREAM OF THE CROP
THE PAUSE THAT REFRESHES
DRINK UP
THE MISSED MANNERS AWARD
SEAT-SIDE RINGS
BRIDAL BESTS
HATS ON OR OFF?
THE SANDWICH MAKER AWARD
OLD, BUT NOT SPOILED
AMERICAN FLAIR
IT’S ALL IN THE WHISK
MAYONN-AIZING FACTS
THE WORLD’S LONGEST STORY AWARD
GOOD OL’ CHARLIE BROWN
THE PEANUTS GALLERY
THE DOCTOR IS IN
THE RED BARON
GOOD GRIEF
THE TROJAN HORSE AWARD
“SHINY HAPPY PEOPLE” BY R.E.M.
“THE ONE I LOVE” BY R.E.M.
“EVERY BREATH YOU TAKE” BY THE POLICE
“WHAT’S THE FREQUENCY, KENNETH?” BY R.E.M.
“IN THE AIR TONIGHT” BY PHIL COLLINS
“WONDERFUL TONIGHT” BY ERIC CLAPTON
“MARTHA MY DEAR” BY THE BEATLES
THE “IT TAKES TWO” AWARD
PARIS IS BURNING
THE GOLDEN AGE
THE BASIC STEPS
THE SHOE-BIZ AWARD
CROCS CRAWL OUT OF THE WATER
LOVE IS A MANY JIBBITZED THING
CROC CONTEMPT
CROCOPHILES
TWO TRENDSETTING UGLY SHOES
THE BRIGHT STAR AWARD
MISS GOLDEN DREAMS
MORE THAN JUST A BOMBSHELL
“BYE, BYE MISS AMERICAN PIE”
THE FUN IN A CAN AWARD
A LOT OF DOH
SECRET RECIPE
PLAY-DOH FACTS
THE “THAT’S THE WAY THE BALL BOUNCES” AWARD
AH, THE CURSE
BATTER UP
TWO CURSES IN ONE
AN UNFORTUNATE PREDICTION
THINGS GET OUT OF HAND
THE WISH YOU WEREN’T HERE AWARD
NOW YOU SEE IT
NEW TRICKS
STOPPING THE POP
THE GANDER AWARD
TOO SEXY FOR YOUR SKIRT
MIDDLESEX
WHAT’S NEXT, GUYS? “MAN-TY HOSE?”
THE PLAIN AND SIMPLE AWARD
A PATENT GRANT-ED
TEE’D OFF
TEE TIME
THE MEDIEVAL MEDICINE AWARD
FLY BY NIGHT
THAT TICKLES!
LEECH PATROL
MEDICAL LEECH DISTRIBUTOR?
BLOOD TIES
THE “IT’S NOT EASY BEING GREEN” AWARD
THE GOOD AND . . . THE BAD?
HEY! NO WAY!
WHAT TO DO?
THE JOHNNY WEISMULLER AWARD
IN THE SWIM
CRYSTAL-CLEAR HISTORY
THE “MAKE MY DECADE” AWARD
GOT ANY BREAD, MAN?
BEST OF THE BEST
LEAVE THE GUN
THE FORCE IS STILL WITH US
THE LOCAL GRUB AWARD
HANGTOWN FRY
COFFEE MILK
BOILED PEANUTS
LOBSTER ROLLS
LUTEFISK
HORSESHOE SANDWICH
CINCINNATI-STYLE CHILI
TURDUCKEN
THE POGO FOR PRESIDENT AWARD
PLAYING POSSUM
SWAMP SPEAK
POSSUM-BILITIES
A LOT OF MALARKEY
THE GOAT BUSTERS AWARD
GOATBUSTERS
LET THE GAME BEGIN
FOXY CHAMPIONS
THE “DON’T MESS WITH ME” AWARD
THE DOCTOR IS IN
WAR!
MEDALS SCHMEDALS
THE “AS SEEN ON TV” AWARD
THE BIRTH OF THE THIGHMASTER
THREE’S COMPANY
THE SMALL WONDERS AWARD
THE BIBLE ON THE HEAD OF A PIN
DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE
SMALL STEPS
THE NOVEL APPROACH AWARD
COMICS GET REAL
THE PLOT THICKENS
THE STORY
SUPERHEROES IN THE REAL WORLD
BATTLE OF THE SUPERPOWERS
COMIC OR SOMETHING MORE?
THE BIG BROTHER AWARD
NEW CHIPS OFF THE OLD BLOCK
CHIPS AHOY
BIONIC PEOPLE
CHIPPING AWAY
HERE TO STAY
THE TIP OF YOUR TONGUE AWARD
WORD UP
GLM’S GLUM CHOICES
WEBSTER’S WEIGHS IN
THEM’S FIGHTIN’ WORDS
THE MUD BATH AWARD - Weird Spa Treatments
TWIST AND SHOUT: WATSU
EGGSTRAVAGANZA: CAVIAR FACIAL
SINUOUS TREATMENT: SNAKE MASSAGE
COLD COMFORT: SNOW AND ICE THERAPIES
CHOCOLICIOUS: CHOCOLATE FONDUE WRAP
BEAUTY ON TAP: BEER BATHS
CONE HEAD: EAR CANDLING
FIRED UP: CUPPING
VINTAGE SOAK: WINE BATH
FEET FIRST: “DR. FISH” FOOT BATHS
THE “CALL ME ISHMAEL” AWARD
READER, SHE MARRIES HIM
TRAIN OF THOUGHT
FIGHTING WORDS
LUST FOR LIFE
ANOTHER COUNTRY
TEEN ANGST
TURNING UP THE HEAT
MORE OR LESS
SOUTHERN GOTHIC
PURPLE PROSE
POSTMODERN POSTER BOY
BELLY OF THE BEAST
IT PRINTS THE WORST OF LINES
THE TROJAN HORSE AWARD
A SPICY STORY
ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE
PUNGENT PARTICULARS
THE BETTER BUSINESS AWARD
THE VERDICT
SOMETHING STEWING
THE HUSTLER
THE TOP TOMATO
THE RUN FOR THE ROSES AWARD
ROSES RULE
ROSE RENAISSANCE
CULTIVATED TASTES
THE REDOUBTABLE REDOUTÉ
A ROSE IS A ROSE, TO A “ROSE”
THE COMEBACK AWARD
A CHILL IN THE AIR
FAMOUS FACES IN CRYONICS
THE PRACTICAL SIDE OF CRYOGENICS
THE “OUT OF MY CONTROL” AWARD
BRAIN FREEZE
SLEEPING FEET
BELCHES
FARTS
THE BATHROOM ACCESSORY AWARD
ON YOUR MARK, GET SET . . . QUACK!
CREATIVE CANARDS
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