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Index
Chapter 1 Table of ContentsTitle PageCopyright PageDedicationIntroduction’TIS THE SEASONTHANKSGIVINGTHE HOOKER AT ROCKEFELLER CENTERCHRISTMAS MORNING - The Sun Rises on Our Hapless but (Somewhat) Hopeful HeroIT IS BETTER TO GIVE . . .CHRISTMAS DAY, 11 : 07 A.M. - Dashing Through the Shower, Losing My Mind Along ...WE INTERRUPT THIS BOOK TO BRING YOU A MAJOR CATASTROPHECHRISTMAS DAY, HIGH NOON - If Clothes Make the Man,Then Why Don’t We All Dress ...CHRISTMAS DAY, 1:00 P.M.CHRISTMAS DAY, 1:15 P.M.MEDITATIONS OF A JEWISH SANTACHRISTMAS DAY, 1:45 P.M. - Here Comes the Old Giftless Jew!CHRISTMAS DAY, 2:00 P.M. - 6,500 Calories, Not Counting the Three Bottles of WineCHRISTMAS DAY, 5:30 P.M. - If It’s Really over the River and Through the Woods, ...CHRISTMAS DAY, 6:00 P.M. - Outeating the Christians; or, Is a 10,000-Calorie ...CHRISTMAS, 11:45 P.M. - Another Christmas Comes to an End, and Our Hero ...AN ABNORMAL APPENDIX - The Chairman’s USO Holiday TourAcknowledgements ALSO BY LEWIS BLACKMe of Little Faith Riverhead Booksa member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.New York 2010 Title Page Copyright Page Dedication Introduction A WARNING TO THE READER FROM THE AUTHORBefore you proceed, I want you to know that for those of you who have a deep attachment to the season that runs from Thanksgiving to Christmas, or an emotional connection to stores that sell Christmas stuff all year round, don’t read this book. These pages aren’t where you want to be. I am telling you as a friend. Books that will make you shit fruitcakes and gingerbread men and eggnog and holly are everywhere. They surround you like Christmas music in the elevator. This book has nothing to do with you, or with those of you for whom this holiday is one of the cornerstones you rest your life on. You’ll just make harrumphy noises when you read it. You won’t laugh. And you’ll end up hating me. I don’t need that.This book is really for the rest of us. A COUPLE MORE PROVISOSThis book contains, like the celebration of Christmas, only 2 percent religion. Think of it as the yuletide equivalent of low-fat milk.This book also contains what some people call profanity. I think they’re full of shit. ’TIS THE SEASON THANKSGIVING THE HOOKER AT ROCKEFELLER CENTER CHRISTMAS MORNING - The Sun Rises on Our Hapless but (Somewhat) Hopeful Hero IT IS BETTER TO GIVE . . . CHRISTMAS DAY, 11 : 07 A.M. - Dashing Through the Shower, Losing My Mind Along ... WE INTERRUPT THIS BOOK TO BRING YOU A MAJOR CATASTROPHE CHRISTMAS DAY, HIGH NOON - If Clothes Make the Man,Then Why Don’t We All Dress ... CHRISTMAS DAY, 1:00 P.M. CHRISTMAS DAY, 1:15 P.M. MEDITATIONS OF A JEWISH SANTA CHRISTMAS DAY, 1:45 P.M. - Here Comes the Old Giftless Jew! CHRISTMAS DAY, 2:00 P.M. - 6,500 Calories, Not Counting the Three Bottles of Wine CHRISTMAS DAY, 5:30 P.M. - If It’s Really over the River and Through the Woods, ... CHRISTMAS DAY, 6:00 P.M. - Outeating the Christians; or, Is a 10,000-Calorie ... CHRISTMAS, 11:45 P.M. - Another Christmas Comes to an End, and Our Hero ... AN ABNORMAL APPENDIX - The Chairman’s USO Holiday Tour Acknowledgements 1
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