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Imperial Library
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Index
How Things Even Out
Job Rejection
Thank You for Stopping
Ideas for Paintings
Scary Skeleton
My Third-Best Friend
What I’d Say to the Martians
Lowering My Standards
How to Prepare a Wild-Caught Rabbit for a Meal
My Favorite Deep Thoughts
Einstein and Capone
My Nature Documentary
This Is No Game
The Legend of Me
Hitchhikers
The Respect of the Men
More Favorite Deep Thoughts
The Draculas
Stunned
List of Things to Do Today
The Greatest Fly Fisherman I Ever Knew
Waffle and Pancake Council
Some Funny New York Things
Little Tiny Stories
My First Day in Hell
Animals All Around Us
Glug-Glug-Glug
Fuzzy Memories
In Praise of the Human Body
Attila the Hun’s Greatest Speech
Mount Everest
The Voices in My Head
My Favorite Thing
Reintroducing Me to My Habitat
Tattoo
The Corrector
How I Want to Be Remembered
Television Sketches
Deer Heads
Anne Boleyn
Unfrozen Cave Man Lawyer
Toonces, the Cat Who Could Drive a Car
Happy Fun Ball
The Zombies vs. the Bees
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Other Books by Jack Handey
Copyright
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