The Baby Decision · How to Make the Most Important Choice of Your Life by Bombardieri MSW LICSW, Merle -- Read -- Imperial Library of Trantor

Index

STEP ONE: DEFINING THE PROBLEM

Introduction: The Great Cradle Debate

Safety or Growth—It’s Your Choice The Decision Maker’s Bill of Rights How to Use This Book

Chapter 1: A Bird’s-Eye View

Is This a Woman’s Decision? How to Get Your Hand Off the Panic Button Deciding Under Emergency Circumstances How Long Is Too Long? Will the Wrong Decision Ruin Your Life? Anxiety-Proof Yourself

STEP TWO: OVERCOMING OBSTACLES

Chapter 2: Secret Doors

Inner Conflict Looking Back Body Talk Visions of Baby Values Timetables Looking In Nuts and Bolts of Parenting Couples Exercises

Chapter 3: In and Out of the Pressure Cooker

You Can Go Home Again The Family Tree An Unhappy Childhood My Parents/Myself My Mother/My Wife Friends and Other Meddlers The “Babies Are Wonderful” Crowd Games Parents Play with Childfree People Games Childfree People Play The Conformity Syndrome Stilling the Angry Voices Is There an End in Sight for the Childfree?

Chapter 4: Poison Vials

Poison Vials About Parenthood Poison Vials About the Childfree Choice Poison Vials About Preparing for Parenthood A Final Word About Poisons

STEP THREE: CONSIDERING HAPPINESS

Chapter 5: Which Way Happiness?

Building Blocks of Happiness Happiness and Marriage What the Experts Say About Happiness

STEP FOUR: MAKING THE DECISION

Chapter 6: Tug-of-War, or What to Do When Couples Conflict

Games Couples Play Decision-Makers’ Bill of Responsibilities to Partner First Aid for Battling Couples Working It Out Don’t Become a “Single” Married Parent Is Counseling the Answer? Before You Head to the Divorce Court . . . The Second Time Around Separate Faces—An Exercise for the ABP A Final Word About Conflict

Chapter 7: Breaking the Age Barrier—Delayed Parenthood

Advantages of Delayed Parenthood Disadvantages of Delayed Parenthood The Medical Story Motherhood Over 35 Is Not for Everybody Am I/Are We Too Old to Parent? Minimizing the Problems of Older Parenthood Reasons for Delaying Parenthood Talking to Parents and In-Laws About Older Parenthood

Chapter 8: Only Child—A Singular Solution

Advantages of an Only Child Disadvantages to Having an Only Child Deciding to Have a Second Child Considering a Third Child

Chapter 9: Alternative Parenting

Gay Parenting Checklist for Gay Couples Who May Become Parents Single Parenting List of Possible Decisions for Single People Considering Parenthood Another Possibility/ The Reframe Will My Child Feel Weird and Alone? Why Be a Single Parent? Joys of Single Parenthood Difficulties of Single Parenthood It’s Your Choice Considerations for Potential Single Parents Pregnancy Through Intercourse Donor Insemination

Chapter 10: Solving Fertility Problems

Early Stage Pregnancy Loss Self-Care After Pregnancy Loss Logistics The Middle Stage Coping with a Pregnancy after Infertility or a Miscarriage Bill of Rights for Women Pregnant After Infertility Later Stage: Thinking About Stopping Treatment Psychological Actions to Help You Consider Stopping Grief Work as Preparation To Stop Trying

Chapter 11: Adoption

Guidelines for Considering Adoption Common Forms of Adoption Open Adoption Special Needs Adoption Legal Risk Adoptions Transracial or Multi-Cultural Adoption An Overview of the Adoption Process Simultaneous Trying Ground Rules for Pursuing Adoption and Pregnancy Simultaneously

Chapter 12: Help!

Seeking Professional Help Choosing the Right Kind of Help What to Look for in a Therapist How to Find Help

STEP FIVE: ACTING ON YOUR DECISION

Chapter 13: Embracing Your Childfree Life

Living with the Childfree Choice Looking to the Future Making It Final—Sterilization If You Are Considering Making It Final Using What You’ve Learned About Yourself to Grow The Childfree Person—A New Kind of Pioneer

Chapter 14: Small Pleasures: Looking Toward Parenthood

Three’s Company—Preparing for the Baby Look Forward to the Creativity and Joy You Hope to Experience Lessons from Room Nineteen: How to Be a Mother Without Being a Martyr Survival Tactics Advice for Full-Time, At-Home Mothers Advice for Working Mothers Advice for All Mothers

Juggling Career and Motherhood Who’s Changing the Diapers—Parents as Partners Guidelines for Shared Parenting Father Power Finding Your Own Path to Shared Parenthood Day Care? Where?—Mother’s Dream or Nightmare? Guilt Jealousy Anger Choosing the Right Kind of Day Care Guidelines for Evaluating Your Child Care Choices

Chapter 16: How to Make the Most of Your Decision

Should You Announce Your Decision?

Acknowledgments Acknowledgments for First Edition APPENDIX 1: Bibliography

The Decision Social Commentary Personal Growth Marriage/ Relationships Childfree Choice Pregnancy Nursing Postpartum Parenting Motherhood Balancing Careers and Children Fatherhood and Shared Parenthood Adoption Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender Infertility Pregnancy Loss The One-Child Family Single Parents, Single Women Step-Parenting

APPENDIX 2: Resources

Childfree Birth and Postpartum Infertility and Pregnancy Loss Adoption Parenting Breastfeeding Step-Families Gay Resources

APPENDIX 3: Interview with Kayla Sheets, Genetic Counselor APPENDIX 4: My Own Baby Decision INDEX About the Author How to Contact Merle