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FUNNY STORIES PREFACE SECRETARY BAKER TELLS A GOOD ONE DID SHE SAVE DOC ONE? WANTED TO KILL THE COOKS YOU CAN’T BEAT THE IRISH ASK SOMEONE FROM MISSOURI CLARK STREET ENGLISH HIS MASTER’S VOICE ELEGY WRITTEN IN A BELGIAN DOORYARD WHEN PRESIDENT WILSON LAUGHED BEEF, MILK AND BEER TOO BAD SHE HADN’T MORE SONS WHY HE GOT THIRTY DAYS TIME TO SWEAR OFF THE CHOCOLATE SOLDIERS NO FOOTSTEPS IN THE AIR CHICKEN FEED ON BROADWAY THIS WAS IN ENGLAND VERY LADYLIKE HE DROPS INTO POETRY
WHERE DO I SLEEP NEXT?
THIS PLEASED THE COLONEL DID THE CHAPLAIN SWEAR? ONE SWEET KISS LOST A COINCIDENCE OF WAR GERMAN PAPERS, PLEASE NOTE UNANIMOUS PA WAS THE GENERAL TOUGH ON GOMPERS HAD THE RIGHT DOPE TELL THIS NOT IN BOSTON THE MESSAGE WAS SOBER, ANYHOW HE HADN’T FINISHED THE OOZING OF THE COONS SHE WAS IN UNIFORM NO CHALLENGING OUT OF HIS CLASS CALLING HIM SISSY? HOW DISAPPOINTED HE’LL BE AMERICAN HUMOR IN FRANCE SNOBBERY SQUELCHED BLASTED HOPES PROFITABLE AUTHORSHIP THE “LONG, LONG TRAIL” OVER THERE HIS OWN PERSONAL WAR WHEN TOMMY LAUGHS ONE OF THOSE IRISH BULLS WHEN GERMANY SALUTED A PIG AND SO IT PROVED WASHINGTON GETS THESE, TOO BLACK MAGIC SUCH EXCUSES AS THEY MAKE HE HAD TROUBLES, TOO WHAT COULD HE MEAN? NEVER MIND THE TARGET A LADY FROM HELL THEORY VS. FACT ONWARD, CHRISTIAN SOLDIER! WHO WAS THE JOKE ON? REAL YANKEE LANGUAGE DAMN THE KAISER FUN FOR THE MISSUS GERMAN RESTITUTION BUT DID CHARLEY TELL IT? LONG-DISTANCE FAREWELL NINE GIRLS TOO MANY WHY NOT BOTH? ONLY GOOD GERMANS WERE LEFT A BREEZY RETORT PATTING MISSOURI ON THE BACK YOU CAN’T BEAT SUCH BOYS HOW TO BE FUNNY IN WARTIME NOW ON A WAR-BASIS HUMANITY IN WAR FLATLY IMPOSSIBLE THE FRATERNAL SIDE OF WAR NO TIME TO WASTE HER GENTLE COME-BACK HIS MIND WAS WANDERING THE SEX OF THE KILTIES PLAY BALL! HE’D BEEN THERE HIMSELF EIGHTEEN YEARS OF HOPE A NICKNAME THAT STUCK PAT WAS SMOKING FORGOT HIS LINES SO THERE’S PLENTY OF IT LIVELY ENEMY NO REGRETS TOO MUCH WASTED EFFORT MAD ENOUGH TO LICK ANYONE WORKING THE WAR SANDY WAS SCOTCH BROWN WASN’T GREEN ANYTHING TO GET AWAY NATURALLY WISHED TO SEE HER ZEPPELINITIS PALESTINE VS. PURGATORY DON’T ALL SPEAK AT ONCE WELL SEASONED NOT TO BE DONE UNCERTAIN TRAIN SCHEDULE REAL STRATEGY HE KNEW THE BREED DESERVED PROMOTION MIXED HER DATES HOOVER, GOD AND THREE OTHERS IT TAKES FIFTEEN YEARS, SON AW, BE A SPORT, HUBBY NOT ON THE PROGRAM WHERE HIS AUTHORITY BEGAN A TENNYSONIAN TODDY WHY REMIND THEM OF IT? HE’D HEARD HER SING WHY FRANCE WON MUCH THE SAFEST PLAN THE OLD FAMILIAR WORDS WITH A COMMA AFTER “RED” HOLES CLEAR THROUGH HIM WAS THIS FOREORDAINED? WILLING TO PAY THE PRICE WAR’S COMPENSATIONS CAP WAS A SURE WINNER ONLY A RUSE AFTER ALL TRY IT ON THE YANKS HER MEASURE OF SUCCESS BETTER MAKE AN OMELET THE USUAL PREFERENCE NOTHING TO FIGHT FOR BOTH UP AND DOWN, AUNTIE SECURING A TEMPORARY DIVORCE REMINDS ONE OF PLATTSBURG MONOLOGUE, BY NAT M. WILLS PARDONABLE MISTAKE HE WAS REAL MAD ABOUT IT HE KNEW WHERE THEY WERE JUST A BIT OF TRENCH REPARTEE NOT MENTIONABLE IN SOCIETY NOW SHE KNOWS WHY INTERCEPTED WAR MESSAGES WHAT MOTHERS ALWAYS SAY FASHION NOTE FROM THE FRONT ONE GERMAN WE FORGIVE EQUINE “NOW I LAY ME” ONE BRITISH ATROCITY NEVER MIND THE NAME FRENCH IN THE TRENCH SCOTCH PROVISIONS VERY LIKE MOSES THEY FIXED YOU, WILLIE SAFETY FIRST NO SUGAR IN HEAVEN YOU CAN’T DO THIS IN BATTLE NOW IT’S “ALL DUNN” A LAST FAREWELL TOO MODEST BY FAR ANOTHER WAR CASUALTY PREACHER HAD A SCOOP THERE IS TIME FOR BOTH THEY DO SOUND ALIKE NO TIME TO SAY ALL OF IT NO MAIL TO HADES MORE TO THE PURPOSE WHAT WE MAY EXPECT NOW EIGHT MILES FOR HIM NO FIGHTING FOR HIM HOW HUNS TICKLED THEMSELVES ’TWASN’T HIS FAULT VERY GOOD, PUNCH HE KNEW ABOUT COWS WILLING TO TREAT AND FULL OF TABASCO CAUSE FOR DEPRESSION ENOUGH TO WARRANT EXEMPTION CHANGED HIS TUNE FROM HIS POINT OF VIEW THOSE PET NAMES FOR OFFICERS TOO MUCH HARVARD WOULDN’T INSULT THE JACK ONE WAY TO GET EVEN “HONEY” DRAWS THE LINE WILLING TO EXPLAIN CAUSE FOR ANNOYANCE SHE KNEW HIS MERITS CENSORING THE CLOUDS IT CAN’T BE DONE A TWO-BIT HERO ONE OF THE FEW THAT HAVE HOWL INDEFINITELY POSTPONED AND THEY DRINK GRAPE JUICE LESS METERS, LESS GAS YOU KNOW THAT PAPER CHANCE TO GET EVEN THE WAY THINGS LOOKED IN 1916 CAUSE FOR REJOICING BUT NOT THIS TIME EVIDENCE OF REFINEMENT EVENING THINGS UP AN INTERIOR PROBLEM BEEN “GETTING UP” EVER SINCE MERELY A WAY-STATION OBEYING ORDERS NO ABSENT TREATMENT WANTED CAUSE FOR CONFIDENCE JUST GOT ON TO IT READY FOR ANY SNAKE DID HE GET HER MEANING? IT’S THE SHELLS OFFENSIVE PREPARATIONS GETTING BACK AT HEINE ZOOLOGICAL MONSTROSITY NOT WANTED ANYWHERE THERE WAS A PAIR OF THEM NOT AS INTENDED CHEERING NEWS WHY THIS DELAY? PERHAPS YOU HAVE WONDERED NO CREEDS IN WARTIME BUT IT’S MEN WHO PAY THEM ACQUIRING WIFELY ARTS THE NERVE OF THE COOK FOOD WILL WIN THE WAR GIVING THEM A SEND-OFF DON’T BELIEVE ALL YOU HEAR YOU’VE SEEN THEM PLACING THE BLAME PROOF POSITIVE CARBOLIC STARTED THIS FROM SANTA CLAUS IN WASHINGTON THIS BEATS ALL PAT WAS STRINGING HIM ANOTHER HUN ATROCITY KNEW HIM WELL ENOUGH TO MAKE A KING LAUGH TOO SLEEPY TO BE SCARED SHE UNDERSTOOD WOMEN WELL, THAT WAS HIS COMPANY SPOIL OF WAR CHEERFUL NEWS FROM ‘OVER THERE’ HE KNEW WHAT TO USE THEY CAN’T WORK THIS ANY MORE IMPORTANT INFORMATION WANTED THAT WAS THE HYMN NUMBER TEMPORARY BOOZE FIGHTERS VERY PROPER ANSWER WHAT DISCOURAGED HIM GOING SOMEWHERE OUTRANKED IN THE KITCHEN SURPRISE FOR THE GERMANS NO LEAD PIPE CINCH SERVED HIM RIGHT! QUITE A CONTRAST AND HOLDING IT YET FOOLING THE COOTIES THIS IS A MAN WANTED SOMETHING STATIONARY YET THEY FOUGHT NOBLY PHYSICAL IMPOSSIBILITY THE QUICKER THE SOONER TRANSPORTS OF JOY WHERE HE IS EXPERT NO MULES IN THE AIR DEAR LITTLE BOY THEN SHE HAD THEM PRESSED UNUSUAL OFFICER NOT SERIOUSLY DAMAGED ORDERS, BUT NO SALES THOSE FOOL QUESTIONS PROUD OF THEIR SOLDIERS NOT FLATTERING HIM ANY ONLY KIND HE KNEW NOT HIS KIND OF JEWELRY MORE DANGEROUS, ALSO SAME IN ALL LANGUAGES SHE KNEW JIM THEN HE GOT THIRTY DAYS K. P. PLEASED IS NO NAME FOR IT GENUINE CHICKEN DINNER ON THE ORIGINAL FIRING LINE PLAY THE GAME SHE WAS USED TO IT SPIRIT OF FRANCE RECOGNIZED THE RESEMBLANCE PROOF POSITIVE CAN SHOW WHAT HE’S GOOD FOR GLAD HE TALKED TO GEN. PERSHING BEFORE ONE CAN TURN AROUND ONE ON THE COLONEL A GRAND STAND PLAY THE NEGRO IN AUTHORITY DON’T YOU DO IT, TOMMY NO PROHIBITION THERE CHAFFING EACH OTHER GETTING ON FAST NO WONDER HE REBELLED THEY ALL GET ’EM REACHED HIS LIMIT SEEKING INFORMATION BIRDS FAR SURPASSED NO KICK COMING A REAL SPREE MOVING PICTURE IN ONE REEL USEFUL AND ORNAMENTAL THE MILITARY HAIR CUT BASEBALL IN BLIGHTY UNIVERSAL COMPLAINT SAMPLE WAS SATISFACTORY NO FUN WITHOUT FUNDS THOUGHT HE HAD ARRIVED “COUNT ’EM NOW, MISTAH KAISER”
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