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Index
Cover
Title Page
Dedication
Chapter 1: When You Were Younger and You Got Home Early and You Were the First One Home and No One Else Was Out on the Street, Did You Ever Worry That the Rapture Had Happened without You? I Did.
Interlude I: Chapter Titles from the On the Nose, Po-Faced Transmasculine Memoir I Am Trying Not to Write
Chapter 2: My Brothers, My Brothers, My Brothers’ Keepers, My Brothers, My Brothers, My Brothers and Me
Interlude II: Help Me, Brother, or I Sink
Chapter 3: Apollo and Hyacinthus Die Playing Ultimate Frisbee, and I Died Watching Teenage Boys Play Video Games
Interlude III: Lord Byron Has a Birthday and Takes His Leave
Chapter 4: Reasons for Transitioning, in Order
Interlude IV: If You Can’t Parallel Park, You Have to Get a Sex Change
Chapter 5: Unwanted Coming-Out Disorder
Chapter 6: The Stages of Not Going on T
Interlude V: Oh Lacanian Philosopher We Love You Get Up
Chapter 7: The Several Mortes D’Arthur
Interlude VI: Cosmopolitan Magazine Cover Stories for Bewildered Future Trans Men Living in the Greater Chicago Area Between the Years 1994–2002
Interlude VII: Marcus Aurelius Prepares for the New Year
Chapter 8: Evelyn Waugh and the Opposite of Communion
Interlude VIII: Jacob and the Angel Wrasslin’ Till Noon at Least
Chapter 9: Mary and Martha and Jesus and the Dishes
Interlude IX: Columbo in Six Positions
Interlude X
Chapter 10: The Golden Girls and the Mountains in the Sea
Chapter 11: Captain James T. Kirk Is a Beautiful Lesbian, and I’m Not Sure Exactly How to Explain That
Interlude XI: Rilke Takes a Turn
Chapter 12: Duckie from Pretty in Pink Is Also a Beautiful Lesbian and I Can Prove It with the Intensity of My Feelings
Interlude XII: I Have a Friend Who Thinks Umbrellas Are Enemies of the Collective Good, and I Have a Sneaking Suspicion They May Be Right
Chapter 13: Sir Gawain Just Wants to Leave Castle Make-Out
Interlude XIII: No One Understands Henry VIII Like I Do
Chapter 14: “I Love Your Vibe,” and Other Things I’ve Said to Men
Interludex IV: House Hunters
Chapter 15: And His Name Shall Be Called Something Hard to Remember
Chapter 16: Pirates at the Funeral: “It Feels Like Someone Died,” but Someone Actually Didn’t
Interlude XV: Nora Ephron’s I Feel Bad About My Neck, Transmasculine Edition
Chapter 17: Powerful T4T Energy in Steve Martin’s The Jerk
Interlude XVI: Did You Know That Athena Used to Be a Tomboy?
Chapter 18: It’s Hard to Feel Sad Reading Hans Christian Andersen Because It’s Just Another Story About a Bummed-Out Candlestick That Loves a Broom and Dies
Interlude XVII: Dirtbag Sappho
Chapter 19: Dante Runs into Beatrice in Paradise
Interlude XVIII: How I Intend to Comport Myself When I Have Abs Someday
Chapter 20: Paul and Second Timothy: The Transmasculine Epistles
Interlude XIX: Something Nice Happens to Oedipus
Chapter 21: Destry Rides Again, or Jimmy Stewart Has a Body and So Do I
Interlude XX: The Matriarchs of Avonlea Begrudgingly Accept Your Transition / Men of Anne of Green Gables Experience
Chapter 22: The Opposite of Baptism
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Copyright
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