Love Yourself and It Doesn't Matter Who You Marry by Zurhorst, Eva-Maria -- Read -- Imperial Library of Trantor

Index

Cover Page Copyright Page Table of Contents Preface: Don’t give up Foreword: English is the language of my soul Introduction: Leave – so that you can come back Who is this book for? PART I: THE MUNDANENESS OF MARRIAGE

1 It doesn’t matter who you marry

Most divorces are unnecessary Your only real partner is yourself Lies, corsets and other passion-killers Addictions, dependencies, cravings… More of the same – the celebrity phenomenon Why everything stays the same when everything is supposed to change Princes turning into frogs – brilliant! Couples, parents, lovers Divorce means separating from your old wounds The new relationship – ‘I yearned for life!’ Discover your own strength, spark your own passion

2 We always marry for the wrong reasons

Two one-legged people learn to walk The reasons disappear, the partner remains ‘I love you’ contains the word ‘I’ The iceberg model The child in us lives on The woman wants passion, the child wants protection Our partner hears what we don’t say When we marry we want healing

3 Your partner only plays a role in your script

We fall in love so that we don’t have to love ‘You are so weak’ Projection – your partner is what you don’t want to be Mirrors – your partner is what you cannot see Shadows – your partner is what you don’t like The fallen angel ‘I’ve become just as thoughtless as my husband!’ A wicked mother-in-law can be our closest ally When the iceberg melts…

4 The more in love, the harder the fall

The romantic rush Sobering up in a power struggle ‘Lone wolf’ and ‘cling-on’ The ice age ‘You make me sick’ It never stops – but it does get better

5 Lust or no lust – that is the question…

To have sex or to make love? Perfect images, perfect partners, perfect positions… The sexual dead-end street We want everything but feel nothing Sex as a weapon

6 ‘Battle-axes’ and ‘wimps’

The wails of wounded women Dreaming of knights in shining armour Behind every discontented woman there is a weak man Female breadwinners, male housewives Leaders of the hearts of men

7 Three’s always a crowd

The secret lover as panacea First the fun, then the guilt The betrayed person always leaves first In love triangles, everyone’s afraid of intimacy The marriage caterpillar and the butterfly lover Independence – worse than dependence

8 Separation – resolution is postponed

Separation as opportunity Breaking free Finding peace and freedom Learning to love and let go

PART II: RETURN TO LOVE

9 True love – or the thing about God

The thing about God The senselessness of victory We don’t have to do anything God’s not an old man with a grey beard Dying to be reborn

10 Honestly, there are lies in your marriage

Sometimes we’d rather die Lies for love Endings come before beginnings Once we let go, healing begins Why disasters are useful Truth heals

11 The adventure of everyday life

Let go of your feelings Don’t take a lover – say what you are thinking instead The present moment is all there is A life in faith

12 Forgive – you can’t change anyone else anyway

Resentment makes you ill Forgiving others means freeing yourself Parents are like dumbbells True miracles

13 Love and lust

Everything is possible The river of love Searching for the secrets of physical love The womb gives birth to all things Beyond orgasm The phantom of passion Forget about sex True physical love comes from the heart Our body is our memory Do it as often as you can

14 Children of love

Being pregnant with ourselves Childbirth – the start of separation A new baby brings our inadequacies into the world The opposite of ‘good’ is ‘well-meant’ Our children need what we find most painful ‘I don’t want Daddy – I want love’ Power struggles paralyze children Children heal their parents Healing is your true legacy Abortion – a time for grief

15 Love is … work, diligence, discipline and reward

Overnight superstars Do your homework – otherwise it does you Love out of a crisis No winners without losers Say ‘yes’!

Afterword: You can make it on your own, but two’s company Further Reading About the Author Join the Hay House Family