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Index
The Wrong End of the Telescope
Also by Rabih Alameddine
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Epigraph
Round and Round We Go
You Made Me Do It
Driving a Stick, Flying a Broom
How I Learned to Drive
A Little Village Called Skala Sikamineas
The Trouble with Emma
The Dance with Marley
The Sea, the Sea
The Art of the Walk
You, the Writer
I Missed You by This Much
Here Comes the Boat
My Family
Your Family
Take My Kist
The Family
My Mother and the Can Opener
The Little Rascals Go to Camp
You, the Immigrant
Welcome to Moria, Ladies and Gentlemen
You, the Nervous Wreck
We Could All Use a Little Break
Over the Rainbow
What to Ask at a Book Reading
How to Make Liberace Jealous
How to Become a Westerner
The Ballad of GoFundMe Jeff
Doctors in Drag
You in Drag
The Women: Mrs. Peel and Jennifer
On the Road to Skala Sikamineas
Trans Tiresias and the Great Goddesses
You Almost Ran into Me, Mr. Crazypants
How Not to Treat Your Child After an Accident
If You Can’t Find a Broom, Try a Jaguar
That Boy Icarus
How to Rob an Armenian Jewelry Store
Every Country Gets the Refugees It Deserves
A Terrorist by Any Other Name Is Still a Terrorist
How to Greet Your Brother
Avoid Getting Liver Cancer if You Can
Butt Sniffing in the West
How to Trans in Raqqa
Marriage Does Not Become a Ten-Year-Old
Who Is Us and Who Is Them?
How to Process Rage: An Instruction . . . Maybe an Example . . . Oh, Never Mind
Choosing the Best Song to Play at a Mass Drowning
Choosing the Best Way to Deal with an Ill-Mannered Boor
Choosing the Best Lipstick Shade to Wear to the Hospital
How to Steal a Bath
One Hospital Is Much Like Another, One Job Same Same
When You Don’t Know What to Say, Have a Cookie
One Should Listen to a Soprano During a Refugee Crisis
Female Trouble
Either You Are with Us or You Are with the Terrorists
But How Butch Are You?
Heavy Words
The Old Woman’s Theory of Loss
Loss of the Loss That Was
My Theory of Loss
What’s That Smell?
The Faculty of the Mind
How to Write to a Young Girl
Dream House Maintenance
Rapefugees Not Welcome
New Year’s Eve, Cologne
The Cave of Shanidar
Malawi, Mon Amour
The Boy with the Midas Touch Touched Himself
All Hail the Mighty Harold
Plan Your Honeymoon on a Greek Island
Baptize Your Way to Better Hair Care Products
What’s Wrong with Greek Spices?
Caught at Last, Caught at Last
A Girl in Every Port, but All the Boys in One
Learn a Language, Bed a Spy
A Toddler by Any Other Name Is Still a Toddler
Another Kurd, Another Drowning
How to Live Forever, According to My Grandmother
Regain Your Virginity with Moisturizers
Give Me Autonomy and Give Me Death
How to Live in Chaos, According to Your Aunt
Diomedes in the Congo
How to Guide a Boy into Becoming a Man with Cognac
How to Say Goodbye in Syrian
How to Say Goodnight in Lebanese
The Plunge
Acknowledgments
Back Cover
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