Australia's Funniest Yarns by Seal, Graham -- Read -- Imperial Library of Trantor

Index

COVER PAGE ALSO BY THE AUTHOR PRAISE TITLE PAGE COPYRIGHT PAGE DEDICATION CONTENTS INTRODUCTION: AN EDGE LIKE A CHAINSAW 1 BULL

WHAT A HIDE THE SPLIT DOG DROP BEARS HOOP SNAKES GIANT MOZZIES CROOKED MICK AND THE SPEEWAH DINKUM! THE EXPLODING DUNNY THE WELL-DRESSED ’ROO LOADED ANIMALS THE BLACKOUT BABIES THE MOST BEAUTIFUL LIES THE POMMIES AND THE YANKS AUSSIE EFFICIENCY

2 CHARACTERS

THE DRONGO COUSIN JACKS TOM DOYLE THE WIDOW REILLY’S PIG THE CONVICT’S TOUR TO HELL MAKE IT HOURS INSTEAD OF DAYS WHO WAS BILLY BARLOW? JACKY BINDI-I JIMMY AH FOO SNUFFLER OLDFIELD CORNY KENNA THE HODJA DAD MAKES A BLUE DAD, DAVE AND MABEL ANZAC CHARACTERS HOW HE WORKED HIS NUT TOM ’N’ OPLAS THREE BLOKES AT A PUB

3 HARD CASES

THE COCKY ‘HUNGRY’ TYSON NINETY THE GLUTTON GALLOPING JONES CHRISTY PALMERSTON MOONDYNE JOE THE EULO QUEEN WHEELBARROW JACK LONG JACK DIABOLICAL DICK PUPPY PIE AND DOG’S DINNER THE WORLD’S GREATEST WHINGER THE CAPTAIN OF THE PUSH THE SOUVENIR KING MRS DELANEY DOPES TAKEN FOR A RIDE BEA MILES DOING BUSINESS WITH REG AN UNWELCOME MIRACLE

4 DIGGEROSITIES

A MILLION CAT-CALLS RELIGION MONOCLES FOOD AND DRINK ARMY BISCUITS BABBLING BROOKS THE CASUAL DIGGER OFFICERS BIRDIE THE PIECE OF PAPER PARABLES OF ANZAC BALDY BECOMES MOBILE THE ROO DE KANGA BLIGHTY VERY IRRITATED THINKING AHEAD FINDING THE ‘AWSTRALIANS’ PLEASE LET US TAKE TOBRUK! COUNT YOUR CHILDREN PARABLE OF THE KIT INSPECTION THE AIR FORCE WIFE

5 WORKING FOR A LAUGH

THE GARBOS’ CHRISTMAS A CHRISTMAS MESSAGE RECHTUB KLAT THE WHARFIE’S REPLY THE UNION DOG WORKING ON THE RAILWAY HIGH-OCTANE TRAVEL RAILWAY BIRDS TOTAL ECLIPSE OF COMMUNICATION THE LAWS OF WORKING LIFE SOMEBODY ELSE’S JOB THE BASIC WORK SURVIVAL GUIDE TWELVE THINGS YOU’LL NEVER HEAR AN EMPLOYEE TELL THE BOSS EXCESSIVE ABSENCE THE END OF A PERFECT DAY TOTAL QUALITY MANAGEMENT (TQM) POLICY DEVELOPMENT THE BOAT RACE PROSPECTIVE EMPLOYEE ASSESSMENT SPECIALISED HIGH-INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.) EARLY RETIREMENT DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR BOSS WHAT DO THEY REALLY MEAN? THE LITTLE RED HEN THE AIRLINE STEWARD’S REVENGE THE BOSS AFTER WORK . . . MEETINGS PRAYER FOR THE STRESSED THE JOB APPLICATION THE BOSS’S REPLY ODE TO PUBLIC SERVANTS JARGONING THE JARGON GENERATOR GOVERNMENTIUM THE SURPRISE PARTY THE SEX LIFE OF AN ELECTRON DEATH OF EMPLOYEES WORKPLACE AGREEMENTS POPULATION OF AUSTRALIA

6 A SWAG OF LAUGHS

THE GREAT AUSTRALIAN YARN THE BAGMAN’S GAZETTE A STUMP SPEECH THE PHANTOM BULLOCKY A FINE TEAM OF BULLOCKS LANGUAGE! DROVING IN A BAR SLOW TRAINS SERVICE! MEEKATHARRA ICE BLOCKS THE REDBACK SPIDER THE GREAT AUSTRALIAN ADJECTIVE LORE OF THE TRACK SNIFFLING JIMMY THE POETIC SWAGGIE WHERE THE ANGEL TARBOYS FLY BOWYANG BILL AND THE COCKY FARMER A GOOD FEED THE SWAGMAN’S UNION A GLORIOUS SPREE THE DIMBOOLA CAT FARM A FARMER’S LAMENT WHAT’S ON, COOKIE? THE MAIDEN COOK THE FARMER’S WILL

7 THE LAWS OF LIFE

RULES FOR BEING HUMAN APPLICATION FOR AUSTRALIAN CITIZENSHIP CHILDREN’S PROVERBS TO THE CITIZENS OF THE USA SIGNS OF YOUR TIMES FACEBOOK FOR THE CHRONOLOGICALLY CHALLENGED MAKING A DIFFERENCE GO AUSSIE, GO! 25 LESSONS IN LIFE WHY CUCUMBERS ARE BETTER THAN MEN WHY BEER IS BETTER THAN WOMEN PERSONAL GROWTH AND DEVELOPMENT COURSES LIFETIME HOROSCOPE A ROTTEN DAY WHAT THEY WANTED THE IMPOSSIBLE EXAMINATION DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN AN INVITATION THE ARMY RECRUIT’S LETTER APPLICATION FOR AN AUSTRALIAN PASSPORT TAKE A RUNNING JUMP AT YOURSELF!

8 MOMENTS LIKE THESE . . .

UP, UP AND AWAY! ALL’S WELL THAT ENDS WELL THE OOZLUM BIRD THE BLACK STUMP YEARNING FOR YOWIES MY BOYFRIEND GAVE ME AN APPLE A SEASONAL GUIDE TO WIVES HENRY SPRUIKS HEENZO SPIFLER- —— -CATE HIM! TOUGH TIMES AUSTRALIAN TOURISM THE NAKED CARAVANNER ROAMING GNOMES HER MAJESTY RESPONDS TIGGA’S TRAVELS RUNNING NAKED WITH THE BULLS YOU NEED MINTIES

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS NOTES PHOTO CREDITS