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Title Page Dedication Acknowledgements Introduction Benjamin Franklin and His Autobiography THE COMPLEATED AUTOBIOGRAPHY (1757-90) A Continuation of the Account of My Life Editor’s Note: Chapter One - First Mission to London, 1757–62

LONDON WAS ONE GREAT SMOKY HOUSE I HAVE A THOUSAND TIMES WISHED MY WIFE WITH ME ANOTHER OF MY FANCIES: SILK BLANKETS! DECEIVED, CHEATED, AND BETRAYED A JOURNEY TO CAMBRIDGE THE POSSIBILITY OF FREEZING A MAN TO DEATH ON A WARM SUMMER’S DAY COOLING BODIES BY EVAPORATION... A POWER OF NATURE THE VILLAGE WHERE MY FATHER WAS BORN THE BEST ROOM IN THE HOUSE IS CHARITY MY FAVORITE COUNTRY THE JUNTO: I FIND I LOVE COMPANY UNSIZABLE SUBJECTS AND INSUFFICIENT LORDS PERFECTING A NEW MUSICAL INSTRUMENT CALLED THE ARMONICA I SAW NO SIGNS OF GOD’S JUDGMENTS THE FUTURE GRANDEUR AND STABILITY OF THE BRITISH EMPIRE LIE IN AMERICA

Chapter Two - My Return to Philadelphia, 1762–64

A PLEASANT PASSAGE TO AMERICA THE EXPENSE OF LIVING WAS GREATLY ADVANC’D IN AMERICA I WAS ELECTED TO THE ASSEMBLY A TOUR OF THE POST OFFICES THE SIMPLE BEAUTY OF SCOTTISH TUNES A HIGHER OPINION OF THE BLACK RACE THE PAXTON BOYS AND THE INDIAN MASSACRES THE PROPRIETARY GOVERNMENT WAS WEAK RETURN TO LONDON

Chapter Three - Second Mission to England, 1764–75

OLD FRIENDS IN LONDON GOD IS VERY GOOD TO US IN MANY RESPECTS MAGIC SQUARES... AND MAGIC CIRCLES THE STAMP ACT, THE MOTHER OF MISCHIEF HOW THE STAMP ACT CAME TO BE WE MIGHT AS WELL HAVE HINDERED THE SUN’S SETTING A MOB AT MY HOME IN PHILADELPHIA I SPOKE MY MIND PRETTY PLAINLY I WAS NEVER PROUDER OF ANY DRESS IN MY LIFE ENEMIES DO A MAN SOME GOOD NEVER ASK, NEVER REFUSE, NEVER RESIGN I TRAVELLED A GOOD DEAL FOR MY HEALTH REFRAIN FROM ALL IDLE, USELESS AMUSEMENTS MY LONG PARTNERSHIP EXPIRES AN “UNPROMISING” MARRIAGE SURVIVES AND PROSPERS ANY PROFESSION IS PREFERABLE TO AN OFFICE HELD AT PLEASURE SEEKING A LAND GRANT SOME LATE INCIDENTS BETWEEN PARLIAMENT AND THE COLONIES AMERICA IS FAVOURED BY NATURE FRANCE: A PRESTIGIOUS MIXTURE OF MAGNIFICENCE AND NEGLIGENCE SO MANY INSTANCES OF GOODNESS BY THE RICH! A LAW MIGHT BE MADE TO RAISE THEIR WAGES, BUT... JOHN WILKES AND DRUNKEN MAD MOBS THE MOBS ROAR FOR WILKES AND LIBERTY! THE KING OF DENMARK SHOW ’D AN INQUISITIVE MIND A MALICE AGAINST US IN SOME POWERFUL PEOPLE PERVERSE AND SENSELESS MANAGEMENT OF LORD HILLSBOROUGH THE SEEDS ARE SOWN OF TOTAL DISUNION VISIT TO NORTHERN ENGLAND: THEIR WORK WAS EXTREMELY HARD THE RECOLLECTION OF MY LIFE IRELAND AND SCOTLAND IN A MOST WRETCHED SITUATION SO MUCH GENERAL COMFORT AND HAPPINESS IN AMERICA MY THEORY OF COLDS: I WOULD SIT IN MY CHAMBER WITHOUT ANY CLOTHES WHATEVER I SELDOM DINED AT HOME IN WINTER OUT OF DEBT... OUT OF DANGER SECURING BUILDINGS FROM LIGHTNING AN EXPERIMENT TO STILL THE WATERS ALL THEIR SCHEMES OF LIFE WERE OVERTHROWN! “I’LL BE HANGED IF THIS IS NOT ONE OF YOUR AMERICAN JOKES!” THE AFFAIR OF THE HUTCHINSON LETTERS EVERY AFFRONT IS NOT WORTH A DUEL HUTCHINSON: “THERE MUST BE AN ABRIDGMENT OF WHAT ARE CALLED ENGLISH LIBERTIES.” I KEPT SILENT TILL I HEARD OF A SECOND DUEL THIS THEY CALL GOVERNMENT! MEETING IN THE COCKPIT MY SON SAW EVERYTHING WITH GOVERNMENT EYES JOURNAL OF NEGOTIATIONS IN LONDON COUNTRIES REMOTE FROM THE EYE OF GOVERNMENT ARE NOT WELL GOVERNED A CERTAIN LADY DESIRING TO PLAY WITH ME AT CHESS THE GOOD CHARACTER OF LORD HOWE WHAT THE FRENCH CALL SPITTING IN THE SOUP A VISIT FROM THIS GREAT MAN FLATTERED MY VANITY “ONE OF THE MOST MISCHIEVOUS ENEMIES THIS COUNTRY HAS KNOWN” THE GREATEST OF ABSURDITIES WE DID NOT WISH FOR WAR BAD WEATHER DOES NOT LAST ALWAYS IN ANY COUNTRY I HEARD OF THE DEATH OF MY WIFE IN PHILADELPHIA WE WERE TREATED WITH THE UTMOST CONTEMPT CONVERSATION EVERYWHERE TURNS UPON THE SUBJECT OF AMERICA

Chapter Four - Congress and the Declaration of Independence, 1775–76

NOTHING THOUGHT OF BUT ARMS A DELEGATE TO CONGRESS THEY ARE A BARBAROUS TYRANNY MAKE YOURSELF SHEEP AND THE WOLVES WILL EAT YOU YOU ARE NOW MY ENEMY, AND I AM . . . YOURS THE RATTLESNAKE AS A SYMBOL OF AMERICA: “DON’T TREAD ON ME” THIS BUSTLE IS UNSUITABLE TO AGE THE REAL AUTHOR OF COMMON SENSE FROM THE PENNSYLVANIA ASSEMBLY TO CONGRESS A TRIP TO CANADA WE WERE IN A CRITICAL AND MOST IRKSOME SITUATION IT IS THE NATURAL RIGHT OF MEN TO QUIT THE STATE THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE: WE HAZARD OUR LIVES AND FORTUNES BREAKING THAT FINE AND NOBLE CHINA VASE, THE BRITISH EMPIRE MEETING WITH LORD HOWE ON STATEN ISLAND REBELLION TO TYRANTS IS OBEDIENCE TO GOD LIKE CUTTING OFF THE SPRING FROM THE YEAR IT WAS LONG FORESEEN THAT WE COULD NOT HOLD NEW YORK COMMISSIONER TO FRANCE A MIRACLE IN HUMAN AFFAIRS THE GREATEST REVOLUTION THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN WE MAY THEREFORE WITH GREAT PROPRIETY TAKE LEAVE OF ENGLAND

Chapter Five - Minister to France, 1776–78

ON MY ARRIVAL I COULD SCARCELY STAND I WAS MADE EXTREMELY WELCOME IN FRANCE THE COURT VIEWED AN APPROACHING WAR WITH RELUCTANCE THE STATE OF AMERICA IN 1776-77 THIS GENEROUS AND NOBLE BENEFACTION OFFICERS OF ALL RANKS WORRY ME FROM MORNING TO NIGHT YOU HAVE NO CONCEPTION HOW I WAS HARASS’D MODEL OF A LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION OUR CAUSE WAS ESTEEM’D THE CAUSE OF ALL MANKIND WE WILL MOST CHEERFULLY RISK OUR PERSONAL LIBERTY OR LIFE COMMERCE WITH EVERY NATION; WAR WITH NONE OUR PRISONERS COMPLAIN’D OF VERY SEVERE TREATMENT TO ME IT SEEMED ALL ALONG THAT THIS WAR WOULD END IN OUR FAVOUR THE FLAG CONSISTS OF THIRTEEN STRIPES, ALTERNATELY RED, WHITE AND BLUE ABOUT SPIES AND SAFETY WE WERE IN IMMINENT DANGER OF BANKRUPTCY A SURPRISE VICTORY AT SARATOGA ALLIANCE WITH FRANCE IN 1778

Chapter Six - Minister to France, 1778–79

I ENJOY’D A GOOD NEIGHBOURHOOD OF VERY AGREEABLE PEOPLE I GREW PERFECTLY SICK OF PORTRAITS I FOUND FRANCE A MOST AMIABLE NATION TO LIVE IN SOMEBODY GAVE IT OUT THAT I LOV’D LADIES THE PLEASING CONVERSATION OF MADAME BRILLON WE CAUSED GREAT INCONVENIENCE BY DETAINING YOU SO LONG IN THE BATH “ALL GREAT MEN ARE TAINTED WITH IT: IT IS CALLED THEIR WEAKNESS” I CONFESS I BREAK THIS COMMANDMENT CONSTANTLY “A WOMAN MAY HAVE DESIRES BUT SHE MUST NOT YIELD” “I HAVE CHOSEN YOU FOR MY FATHER” “PEOPLE HAVE CRITICIZED MY SWEET HABIT OF SITTING ON YOUR LAP” WE PASSED THE DAY TOGETHER AT MOULIN JOLI A PROPOSAL OF MARRIAGE TO MADAME HELVÉTIUS A DREAM IN “THE ELYSIAN FIELDS” MY LONG CONTINU’D FRIENDSHIP WITH MRS. STEVENSON GOOD HEALTH FOR NEARLY 20 YEARS A PERPETUAL MOTION MACHINE I HAVE NEVER MADE THE LEAST PROFIT BY ANY OF MY INVENTIONS ADVENTURES OF ONE DAY’S ANNOYANCE I HAD A GREAT DEAL OF PLEASURE IN TEMPLE AND BEN I LOST ALL MY CORRESPONDENCE FOR NEARLY TWENTY YEARS FOR OF ALL THINGS, I HATE ALTERCATION I WROTE THIS LETTER TO ARTHUR LEE. . . . BUT SENT THIS ONE.. . . . THEY WROTE ME LONG ABUSIVE LETTERS, WHICH I NEVER ANSWERED THE DEFORMED AND THE HANDSOME LEG AMERICA MAY BE CHEAPLY GOVERNED ON FREE TRADE I ASKED CONGRESS TO SEPARATE US

Chapter Seven - Minister to France, 1779–81

MY APPOINTMENT AS MINISTER PLENIPOTENTIARY LAFAYETTE, HIS BRAVERY AND GOOD CONDUCT WAR NEWS FROM HOME SOMETIMES I REGRET I WAS BORN TOO SOON AN AMERICAN PASSPORT FOR CAPTAIN JAMES COOK WASTING OUR WEALTH ON PRODIGALITY CORRESPONDENCE WITH MY DAUGHTER, SALLY PITY MY SITUATION I HAD LONG BEEN HUMILIATED BEGGING FOR MONEY AND FRIENDSHIP THIS CURRENCY AS WE MANAGED IT WAS A WONDERFUL MACHINE THOSE WHO LOVE TO RECEIVE LETTERS SHOULD WRITE LETTERS INTRIGUE AND TREACHERY AT MADAME BRILLON’S DO NOT PAY TOO MUCH FOR YOUR WHISTLE “I HAVE OFTEN PAID A HIGH PRICE FOR BAD WHISTLES” NEW COPPER COINS MIGHT MAKE AN IMPRESSION ON YOUNG PERSONS THIS PUT THE ENEMY TO MUCH EXPENSE THEIR DEVILISHNESS WEAKENED THAT RESOLUTION ONE OF THE GREATEST CAPTAINS OF THE AGE MUTINY ON THE ALLIANCE I MUST HAVE A LITTLE REPOSE THE BEST MEN HAVE THE MOST ENEMIES APPOINTMENT OF ROBERT MORRIS AS FINANCE SECRETARY RIOTS IN LONDON LETTERS FROM HOME TWO SORTS OF PEOPLE IN LIFE MY DIALOGUE WITH THE GOUT “WRAPPED IN THIS WRETCHED GAME OF CHESS, YOU DESTROY YOUR CONSTITUTION” BENEDICT ARNOLD’S TREASON LONG DELAYS WITH SPAIN LEE’S PAMPHLET AGAINST ME A FRESH APPLICATION FOR MORE MONEY I PASSED MY 75 YEAR AND SOUGHT TO RESIGN CONGRESS REFUSES MY RESIGNATION ONE MORE REQUEST FOR MY GRANDSON A PROPOSED MARRIAGE FOR MY GRANDSON A RETURN TO PHILOSOPHICAL AFFAIRS THE LOSS AT SEA WAS A HEAVY ONE HAZARD NO MORE DRAFTS FROM CONGRESS! HOW TO PAY OFF THE WAR DEBTS BLESSED ARE THE PEACEMAKERS MY DISPUTE WITH M. BEAUMARCHAIS TO MANY LETTERS I NEVER RECEIVED ANY ANSWER I WAS SORRY FOR HIS MISFORTUNES, BUT... WE HAVE NO NAME IN OUR LANGUAGE FOR SUCH VILLAINY CRUEL CAPTIVITY OVER FOUR YEARS HE BRUSQUED THE MINISTERS TOO MUCH THERE WAS NOW A GREAT VOID FOR ME IN PASSY FIRE AT THE OPERA HOUSE! NO SAFETY BUT OUR INDEPENDENCE

Chapter Eight - Minister to France, 1781–83

THE GLORIOUS NEWS... GEN. CORNWALLIS CAPITULATES! MISFORTUNES MAKE PEOPLE WISE DEMANDS AFTER DEMANDS LAFAYETTE, A GREAT MAN IN FRANCE MR. DEANE’S RESENTMENTS AND PASSIONS OVERCAME HIS REASON AND JUDGMENT ADVICE TO MY GRANDSON BENNY: “LOSS OF TIME IS A LOSS OF LEARNING” IT’S BAD TO HAVE A REPUTATION OF BEING CHARITABLE EXCHANGING PRISONERS ONCE AGAIN THE PEACE COMMISSION: A TOTAL CHANGE HAD TAKEN PLACE IN THE MINISTRY JOURNAL OF THE PEACE NEGOTIATIONS THEY WHO THREATEN ARE AFRAID CANADA SHOULD BE GIVEN UP TO US I WAS ASHAMED TO LET THE PAPER GO OUT OF MY HANDS “MR. FRANKLIN KNOWS THE TRUTH” THE RELEASE OF ALL AMERICAN PRISONERS IN THE MULTITUDE OF COUNSELORS THERE IS SAFETY SUCH FLATTERING LANGUAGE MIGHT HAVE MADE ME VAINER THE TRUE LOYALISTS WERE THE AMERICANS MR. JAY FINALLY ARRIVES I FIND MEN TO BE A SORT OF BEING VERY BADLY CONSTRUCTED EXCHANGE OF CORNWALLIS AND MR. LAURENS MY LANDLORD WAS FOREVER RENEWING DEMANDS I CANNOT COMPREHEND CRUEL MEN A PLAN FOR A UNIVERSAL AND PERPETUAL PEACE PRESSING ME FOR MORE MONEY THE ENGLISH DRAW OUT THE NEGOTIATIONS AT LENGTH A TREATY WITH MADAME BRILLON THERE WERE FEW PRIVATE HANDS WE COULD TRUST... THE TREATY OF PARIS SIGNED

Chapter Nine - Minister to France, 1783–85

MR. ADAMS FANCIED THAT WE WERE CONTINUALLY PLOTTING AGAINST HIM THIS MONSTROUS PRIDE AND INSOLENCE TO THOSE TRAVELLING TO AMERICA OUR COUNTRY AFFORDS A GOOD CLIMATE, GOOD LAWS, AND CHEAP GOVERNMENT THE BOOK OF STATE CONSTITUTIONS IN FRENCH IN AMERICA, PEOPLE DO NOT INQUIRE WHAT IS HE? BUT WHAT CAN HE DO? THE MARRIED STATE IS, AFTER ALL OUR JOKES, THE HAPPIEST. . . . THE DEATH OF MRS. STEVENSON I DETERMINED TO GIVE HIM A TRADE THE TREATIES WERE MET WITH GREAT DELAYS SEEKING FURTHER AID FROM FRANCE ALL PROPERTY IS THE CREATURE OF SOCIETY TRADE WITH FRANCE: THE MORE UNRESTRAINED, THE MORE IT FLOURISHES NO NATION WAS EVER RUINED BY TRADE THERE NEVER WAS A GOOD WAR, OR A BAD PEACE AN ACCUSATION THAT FALLS LITTLE SHORT OF TREASON WILLIAM PENN WAS A WISE AND GOOD MAN, BUT THOMAS WAS A MISERABLE CHURL AIR BALLOONS: WE THINK OF NOTHING BUT OF FLYING THERE WAS A GOOD DEAL OF ANXIETY FOR THEIR SAFETY ALL PARIS WAS OUT TO SEE IT. ... HALF A MILLION SPECTATORS BEING NOW DISABLED BY THE STONE THE ORDER OF CINCINNATI: DESCENDING HONOUR IS GROUNDLESS, ABSURD, AND HURTFUL ... I WISH THE BALD EAGLE HAD NOT BEEN CHOSEN THIS HAS BEEN A TRICK OF MINE FOR DOING A DEAL OF GOOD WITH A LITTLE MONEY A SATIRE ON DAYLIGHT SAVING STOOP AS YOU GO THROUGH LIFE HOPING TO RETURN TO BOSTON A NEW COMMISSION INVENTION OF DOUBLE SPECTACLES MR. MESMER AND ANIMAL MAGNETISM ELECTRIC EXPERIMENTS WITH A PARALYTIC PATIENT “AMERICANS WERE VERY HAPPY” PROPORTIONING PUNISHMENTS ACCORDING TO OFFENSES MORE THAN 700 PRIVATEERS COMMISSIONED THE DESIRE TO GO HOME TO MY FAMILY IN AMERICA WAS STRONG

Chapter Ten - The Creation of a New Nation, 1785–87

GOD BE PRAISED.... I ARRIVE IN DEAR PHILADELPHIA! I WROTE A TRUER STATE OF AFFAIRS IN OUR COUNTRY INSTEAD OF A FAST THEY PROCLAIMED A THANKSGIVING NO PART ARE SO WELL FED, WELL CLOTH’D, WELL LODG’D AND WELL PAID NO NATION ENJOYS A GREATER SHARE OF HUMAN FELICITY NO REVENUE IS SUFFICIENT WITHOUT ECONOMY THE EXTRAVAGANT REJOICINGS EVERY 4 OF JULY “WHY DON’T THESE DAMNED AMERICANS PAY THEIR DEBTS?” TAXES AND THE NATIONAL DEBT THE INSTRUCTION OF YOUTH ESTEEM’D AMONG THE MOST HONOURABLE CHARITABLE INSTITUTIONS ARE OFTEN MISMANAG’D I APPLAUD HIS ZEAL FOR PRESERVING THE PURITY OF OUR LANGUAGE THAT IS WHY I LOVE LIFE! BUILDING IS AN AMUSEMENT IN OLD AGE THE INVENTION WAS OF SOME USE TO THE INVENTOR I SPENT THE TIME SO IDLY... I SHUFFLED THE CARDS AND BEGAN ANOTHER GAME EXERCISE SHOULD PRECEDE MEALS... CORRESPONDENCE WITH OLD FRIENDS IN EUROPE THE LAST TWELVE YEARS OF MY LIFE WERE EMPLOYED IN MATTERS OF THE GREATEST IMPORTANCE SHAYS’S REBELLION, THAT DANGEROUS INSURRECTION TOO MUCH PAPER MONEY IS MISCHIEVOUS A CONSTITUTIONAL CONVENTION IN PHILADELPHIA: ONLY A VIRTUOUS PEOPLE ARE CAPABLE ... TWO PASSIONS HAVE A VIOLENT EFFECT IN THE AFFAIRS OF MEN A CONSTANT WARFARE BETWEEN THE GOVERNING AND THE GOVERNED SINGLE VS. DUAL LEGISLATURE: THE FABLE OF THE SNAKE WITH TWO HEADS REPRESENTATION BY POPULATION OR BY STATE? GOD GOVERNS IN THE AFFAIRS OF MEN! I CONSENT TO THIS CONSTITUTION BECAUSE THIS SYSTEM APPROACHES SO NEAR TO PERFECTION MAY EACH DOUBT A LITTLE OF HIS OWN INFALLIBILITY IS THIS A RISING OR A SETTING SUN?

Chapter Eleven - My Final Years, 1787...

AMERICA IS TOO ENLIGHTENED TO BE ENSLAVED IN AMERICA, ANOTHER WAR WITH THE INDIANS . . . AND IN EUROPE, ANOTHER WITH . . . AN HONEST HERETIC HOW DIFFERENT WAS WHAT HAPPENED TO ME! SETTLING MY ACCOUNTS WITH CONGRESS AS I GROW OLDER, I FIND WRITING MORE PAINFUL THE BOSTON MANNER, TURN OF PHRASE, AND ACCENT REVIVE ME I WISH I HAD BEEN BORN TWO OR THREE CENTURIES HENCE ABUSE OF THE LIBERTY OF THE PRESS PENNSYLVANIA IS A GOOD COUNTRY TO DIE IN, THO’ A VERY BAD ONE TO LIVE IN MY LOVE OF FRANCE THE REVOLUTION IN FRANCE GIVES ME A GREAT DEAL OF PAIN THE NEW CONSTITUTION IS APPROVED NOTHING IS CERTAIN EXCEPT DEATH AND TAXES I BEGIN TO FEEL MYSELF A FREE MAN CONSTANT AND GRIEVOUS PAIN THE RELIEF OF FREE NEGROES AND THE ABOLITION OF SLAVERY THE RELIGION OF JESUS: THE BEST THE WORLD EVER SAW I OPPOSED THE CLAUSE OF RELIGIOUS DECLARATION I MEAN REAL GOOD WORKS, NOT HOLIDAY-KEEPING AND MAKING LONG PRAYERS OLD MAN’S WISH I FEEL A GROWING CURIOSITY TO BE ACQUAINTED WITH SOME OTHER LIFE

Appendix - The Last Will and Testament of Benjamin Franklin Afterword Sources Important Dates Cast of Characters About the Compiler and Editor Index Copyright Page

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