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Index
Cover
Welcome Page
Display Options Notice
Dedication
Contents
Introduction
THE GOLDEN AGE: 1882-1929
Chapter 1: ‘In affectionate remembrance of English cricket’
Chapter 2: ‘We have come to beard the kangaroo in his den’
Chapter 3: ‘When he dies his body ought to be embalmed and permanently exhibited in the British Museum’
Chapter 4: ‘Give me the ball, Mr Stoddart, and I’ll get t’boogers out before lunch!’
Chapter 5: ‘Sorry, Doctor, she slipped’
Chapter 6: ‘Put a rope around the bounder’s neck and drag him out’
Chapter 7: ‘We’ll get ’em in singles’
Chapter 8: ‘The human catapult who wrecks the roofs of distant towns when set in his assault’
Chapter 9: ‘Have you got your coffin ready, Crockett?’
Chapter 10: ‘The sound of his bat somehow puts me in mind of vintage port’
Chapter 11: ‘If we go down, at least we’ll take that bugger Barnes down with us’
Chapter 12: ‘Please sir, you’re the only decent bit of shade in the place’
Chapter 13: ‘With that single over, Gregory destroyed the morale of English cricket’
Chapter 14: ‘Never mind. I’ve got a little kid at home who will make up for it for me’
Chapter 15: ‘Well I never, it’s those two again!’
Chapter 16: ‘Dammit, we’ve done ’em!’
THE AGE OF BRADMAN: 1930-1948
Chapter 17: ‘That wasn’t a bad bit of practice. I’ll be able to have a go at them tomorrow’
Chapter 18: ‘I’ve got it! He’s yellow!’
Chapter 19: ‘I don’t want to see you, Mr Warner. There are two teams out there; one is trying to play cricket and the other is not’
Chapter 20: ‘You can’t go off while the little bastard’s in’
Chapter 21: ‘Don’t give the bastard a drink. Let him die of thirst’
Chapter 22: ‘Why, Mummy, he doesn’t look like a murderer’
Chapter 23: ‘I don’t believe in the law of averages’
Chapter 24: ‘Oh, don’t give it another thought. You’ve just cost us the Ashes, that’s all’
Chapter 25: ‘Come and look at this. You’ve never seen anything like it’
Chapter 26: ‘Frank, they’ll get a thousand’
Chapter 27: ‘A f****** fine way to start a series’
Chapter 28: ‘Sorry, Godfrey, but I have to do it - the crowd are a bit bored at the moment’
Chapter 29: ‘What’s going on out here then? Let’s get stuck into ’em’
Chapter 30: ‘It’s not easy to bat with tears in your eyes’
THE AGE OF ATTRITION: 1950-1968
Chapter 31: ‘Fine lettuce! Nine-pence! With hearts as big as Freddie Brown’s!’
Chapter 32: ‘Bedser was really super fine/Fourteen wickets for ninety-nine’
Chapter 33: ‘England deserved to win, if not from the first ball then at least from the second-last over’
Chapter 34: ‘I swear there was a new light in his eyes, as if a spark had been kindled deep down inside him’
Chapter 35: ‘Bet you 6/4 we can’t’
Chapter 36: ‘Well, at least he’s chucking them straight, isn’t he, mate?’
Chapter 37: ‘Stick with me, Wal, we’re going to win this game’
Chapter 38: ‘Whenever Ken walked to the wicket I thought a Union Jack was trailing behind him’
Chapter 39: ‘Declare, Simpson, you bastard!’
Chapter 40: ‘Aye, but whoever beats it will be bloody tired’
Chapter 41: ‘What’s the matter, Lawry? Have you taken the pill?’
Chapter 42: ‘England carried Underwood, like an umbrella, in case of rain’
THE AGE OF THE FAST MEN: 1970-1989
Chapter 43: ‘I’m not afraid of leaving a trail of fractures among the opposition’
Chapter 44: ‘Now that’s a f****** bouncer’
Chapter 45: ‘I’ve seen people hit by bottles and it makes a bloody mess of them’
Chapter 46: ‘“Australia take it lying down?” Pig’s bloody arse they do!’
Chapter 47: ‘Australia, you f****** beauty!’
Chapter 48: ‘I enjoy hitting a batsman more than getting him out. I like to see blood on the pitch’
Chapter 49: ‘Ashes to Ashes, dust to dust, if Thomson don’t get ya, Lillee must’
Chapter 50: ‘I don’t think we have met - my name’s Cowdrey’
Chapter 51: ‘The injury did confirm my earlier comment that I could play Thommo with my cock’
Chapter 52: ‘Take a good look at this arse of mine, you’ll see plenty of it this summer’
Chapter 53: ‘When are your balls going to drop, sonny?’
Chapter 54: ‘The only fellow I’ve met who fell in love with himself at a young age ’
Chapter 55: ‘He’s got a degree in people, hasn’t he?’
Chapter 56: ‘We were going to sack him anyway’
Chapter 57: ‘Come on, let’s give it some humpty’
Chapter 58: ‘He didn’t want to bowl, you know’
Chapter 59: ‘WAS BOTHAM’S INNINGS THE GREATEST EVER?’
Chapter 60: ‘They just tore each other’s clothes off’
Chapter 61: ‘I went into the England dressing-room and lost it’
Chapter 62: ‘It’s hard work making batting look effortless’
Chapter 63: ‘England have only three major problems. They can’t bat, they can’t bowl and they can’t field’
Chapter 64: ‘Hobbs, Hammond and Broad: it doesn’t quite ring true, does it?’
AUSTRALIA ASCENDANT: 1989-2003
Chapter 65: ‘In my day 58 beers between London and Sydney would have virtually classified you as a teetotaller’
Chapter 66: ‘What do you think this is, a f****** tea party?’
Chapter 67: ‘Who can forget Malcolm Devon?’
Chapter 68: ‘Thatcher Out! lbw b Alderman’
Chapter 69: ‘Count ’em yourself, you Pommie c***!’
Chapter 70: ‘A fart competing with thunder’
Chapter 71: ‘If it had been a cheese roll, it would never have got past him’
Chapter 72: ‘He offended me in a former life’
Chapter 73: ‘McCague will go down in Test cricket history as the rat who joined the sinking ship’
Chapter 74: ‘Man for man, on paper, the Australian side stand out like dogs’ balls’
Chapter 75: ‘Tufnell, can I borrow your brain? I’m building an idiot’
Chapter 76: ‘Mark Taylor, the Australian captain? Ah, but for how long?’
Chapter 77: ‘That Glenn McGrath, what a bastard’
Chapter 78: ‘Oh, I get it. Nobody’s talking to Steve. Okay! I’ll talk to my f****** self’
Chapter 79: ‘No, but I’d have Darren Gough as twelfth man’
Chapter 80: ‘Adam Gilchrist: ????’
Chapter 81: ‘Come on, Ramps, you know you want to’
Chapter 82: ‘Mate, what the f*** are you doing here?’
Chapter 83: ‘IS THERE ANYONE IN ENGLAND WHO CAN PLAY CRICKET?’
Chapter 84: ‘This will sound arrogant, but I really fancied facing McGrath... I found him quite juicy’
2005 AND ALL THAT
Chapter 85: ‘This really is a war out here, isn’t it?’
Chapter 86: ‘It’s 1-1, you Aussie bastard’
Chapter 87: ‘I knew I’d hit rock bottom when... I rolled over in bed... and all I saw was Freddie bloody Flintoff’
Chapter 88: ‘All the palaver caused me to burn my toast’
Chapter 89: ‘I’m fed up with blocking it, I’m just going to whack it instead’
Chapter 90: ‘To be honest, Mark, I’m struggling’
Chapter 91: ‘I reckon it will be 5-0 this time’
Chapter 92: ‘You don’t like being called the Shermanator, do you?’
Chapter 93: ‘Not another one!’
Chapter 94: ‘Stop the clocks! Hold the front pages! Shout it from the rooftops! Australia are in utter disarray’
Chapter 95: ‘Why aren’t you chirping now, mate? Not getting wickets?’
Chapter 96: ‘He bowls to the left, he bowls to the right/That Mitchell Johnson, his bowling is shite’
Chapter 97: ‘I hope the public get stuck into him. That was blatant cheating’
Chapter 98: ‘Get ready for a broken f****** arm’
Chapter 99: ‘It does look like they have scared eyes...’
Chapter 100: ‘We’ve f****** got ’em back!’
APPENDIX
THE ASHES 1882-2014: Series results and leading batsmen and bowlers
Batting and bowling records
Bibliography
Index
Acknowledgements
Picture Credits
Section Openers
About Gentlemen and Sledgers
Reviews
About Rob Smyth
An Invitation from the Publishers
Copyright
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