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Index
Title Page Dedication Table of Contents Disclaimer Introduction Step One: Be born to Jane and Dan Kurchak Step Two: Harden your heart. And the pieces of your body that rub against the inside seams when you wear jeans Step Three: Lie and/or obfuscate Step Four: Make yourself useful Step Five: Work and socialize with people who are arguably less normal than you are Step Six: Make the worst possible choices in love. Somehow meet the right person anyway Step Seven: Find a healthy outlet for your identity crisis. Like professional pillow fighting Step Eight: Drink Step Nine: Fail Step Ten: Discover that GI Joe lied and knowing is not always half the battle Step Eleven: Write a story about vaccines. Never hear the end of it Step Twelve: Burn out and watch 105 episodes of a 50-year-old TV show Step Thirteen: Flail Step Fourteen: Make slight progress by retracing the steps of a nameless Cold War spy trapped in a bizarre and remote prison Step Fifteen: Damned if I know Acknowledgements
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