Splash Like Jesus by Selima Hill -- Read -- Imperial Library of Trantor

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Cover Description Title Page Contents Buttercup the Sloth

PART ONE: THE LETTER Mothers The Frantic Hens Easter at My Grandmother’s Kittens Tiger-moths Never Be Alone with a Goose My Mother and the Yachtsmen I Disagree with Everything She Says Mrs M. Jam The Tin Containing Butterdrops Fairy Liquid Armbands Garages Make Me Feel Sick Mrs P. Glass Zoo Red Ants The Letter PART TWO: SUNNYSIDE The Clock Centipede Everything Is Coming Together How to Lay Eggs Coconut The Hunt The Queen Surrender, Surrender Tinny Cows Songbird Boxes Pig Farming The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire in Hardback Summer Nights Honey Buckets I Contradict Everything She Says Swimming in the Dark PART THREE: SUGAR Sugar The Eyelashes of Ostriches God Has Thought of Everything Ostriches Rodeo When Darkness Falls Eerie Bittern The Bearded Man Monster Cloud Formations The Knife Fish Miss T. Virginity The Gold Handbag Ratbag Lily Chomsky The Violinists and the Viola Players My Mother at the Station PART FOUR: SWIMMING CHICKENS Swimming Chickens Tennis with My Mother Radish Mrs L. Psychiatrists The Hospital Sister My Mother’s Devotion My Only Suitor My Mother’s Car The Key to Happiness Tender Mice Home Flower Dog Husbands Breath Snowball

Lobo-Lobo

Ankle Socks The Person with the Red Suitcase Giants My Sisters’ Little Sister The Centre of the Universe Goldfish Dressed Echidna Rowley Snow My Baby Pug Unexpected Booms of Cassowaries My Sisters in Their Cowboy Hats Don’t You Dare Open My Door Our Lonely House Dogs Are Not Allowed in the Drawing-room Arson The Violinists The World’s Deepest Lake Lobo-Lobo If a Clock The Dolls They Hate the Cold The Earwigs Are Distraught My Almond Snowman Cake Ginger Cookies Only in Their Dreams They Want Meringues Being Friends or Not Being Friends My Sisters’ Nostrils My Sisters’ Noses The Fish on the Sofa My Sisters’ Hair A Game of Telegrams Honey Angels from the Realms of Glory Other People’s Cars My Sisters’ Faces As Ugly as a Shoebill Blister-packs Baking Ponies Going Shopping Men Bungalow My Sisters’ Necks The Spider Toilet-bags Heron The Doctor This Paradise of Love Up and Down the Stairs What I Really Want to Do Dispirin Trombones My Sisters’ Cars Enormous Flowers Wrapped in Cellophane The Snowdrop My Sisters’ Body-parts Compassion The Giant Rabbit In Rooms That Echo Like Suburban Swimming-pools Shrimps The Tender Nurses The Heavens

Behold My Father on His Bicycle

Behold My Father in a Little Hat My Father’s Hands Lollipops Thunderflies The Party The Finnish Word for Please Entomology Tarmac Chocolate Semolina My Father’s Hat It Happens All the Time Anaesthesia My Father’s Watch Boys in Shorts Oscillating Sprinklers Men Who Ride The Hutch at the End of the Garden Hope Duct-tape The Girl My Father’s Birthday Violets Children Who Start Crying Knots Aquaria Pebbles The Lake District Mountaineers Swans Antarctica Chess Everyone Likes Sex Heat Cyclists Sugar Lumps Boxer Shorts Ricky Hatton Boys on Bicycles My Father’s Friends Swimwear Strawberries The Feel of Noughts Golf Greyhounds Starry Nights The King Carp The Nurse Acrobatics Periwinkle Blue Kandinsky The Coffee Drinker The Maid Keeper of My Bath

Acknowledgements About the Author Copyright

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