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Index
Title Page
Contents
Also by Sam Miller
Dedication
Prologue
Chapter One: In which the Author plumbs Patna’s hidden depths, learns about Ashoka the Greek, and dreams of a dreadlocked Doppelgänger
An Early Intermission
Chapter Two: In which the Author visits the tomb of Jesus, identifies the forearm of Doubting Thomas, and ponders the relationship between chicken’s milk and Indian mushrooms
A Second Intermission
Chapter Three: In which the Author is besotted with a transgendered monk, takes a seventh-century electronic quiz, and is almost very rude to a pretty woman
A Third Intermission
Chapter Four: In which the Author hears tales of ‘Muslim devils’, learns the Latin for ‘sperm-swallowing eunuch’, and reveals the sexual secrets of the good ladies of Kannauj
A Fourth Intermission
Chapter Five: In which the Author uncovers the fate of the Virgin’s girdle, reveals his love of Marvel comics, and reflects on the Indian origins of the juggernaut
A Fifth Intermission
Chapter Six: In which the Author is faintly amused by the banana of Vasco da Gama, the breasts of Venus, and the turds of Babur
A Sixth Intermission
Chapter Seven: In which the Author investigates the testicular anatomy of the elephant, encounters the first of many pompous Englishmen, and admits to being a supporter of an obscure football team
A Seventh Intermission
Chapter Eight: In which the Author is slightly rude about the Taj Mahal, considers the curative powers of cows’ urine, and fails to take a nuanced view of sati
An Eighth Intermission
Chapter Nine: In which the Author is exposed to the secrets of ozone therapy, recalls a childhood encounter with a tiger, and considers the symbolic meaning of circumcision
A Ninth Intermission
Chapter Ten: In which the Author uncovers the truth about killer pineapples, learns about the washing habits of Indian concubines, and is baffled by Macaulay’s mangophobia
A Tenth Intermission
Chapter Eleven: In which the Author discovers the true meaning of the acronym ‘BBC’, gets caught up in the ‘Mutiny’ of 1857, and reveals the Indian identity of Captain Nemo
An Eleventh Intermission
Chapter Twelve: In which the Author rewrites the history of Mowgli, deconstructs late nineteenth-century western views of Indian female sexuality, and finds two words that rhyme with ‘Hindu’
A Twelfth Intermission
Chapter Thirteen: In which the Author finds a connection between Gandhi and Mary Poppins, reflects on the potentially debilitating effects of early fornication, and has mixed feelings about the Jaipur Literature Festival
A Thirteenth Intermission
Chapter Fourteen: In which the Author quizzes his neighbours, gets a vague idea of the dimensions of Roberto Rossellini’s penis, and watches far too many movies
A Fourteenth Intermission
Chapter Fifteen: In which the Author considers the genealogy of Chicken Tikka Masala, confronts his colonial demons, and experiences an epiphany at the hands of a fortune-teller
Apologies and Acknowledgements
Copyright acknowledgements
A Note on the Type
Follow Penguin
Copyright
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