The Smartest Book in the World by Proops, Greg -- Read -- Imperial Library of Trantor

Index

Cover Dedication Introduction The Proops Commandments

1. There Will Be Ancient History 2. There Will Be Movies 3. There Will Be Satchel Paige 4. There Will Be Poetry 5. There Will Be Music 6. There Will Be No Whining 7. There Will Be Art 8. We Will Spell Woman with a Capital W 9. There Will Be Words 10. There Will Be Books 11. There Will Be Good Drugs and Good Times

The Prooptionary I Movies I: The Classics

Casablanca Lifeboat The Grand Illusion Out of the Past Gilda All About Eve The Big Sleep

Smartest Book Baseball Team I: Bombshells, Doxies, and Dames Baseball Club

Manager: Mae West (1893–1980*) Catcher: Sharon Stone (1958–) First Base: Diana Rigg (1938–) Second Base: Rita Hayworth (1918–1987) Shortstop: Hedy Lamarr (1914–2000) Third Base: Brigitte Bardot (1934–) Left Field: Claudia Cardinale (1938–) Center Field: Ursula Andress (1936–) Right Field: Pam Grier (1949–) Starting Pitcher: Raquel Welch (1940–) Starting Pitcher: Sophia Loren (1934–) Starting Pitcher: Elizabeth Taylor (1932–2011) Starting Pitcher: Ava Gardner (1922–1990) Starting Pitcher: Tamara Dobson (1947–2006) Relief Pitcher: Jane Russell (1921–2011) Utility Player: Jayne Mansfield (1921–1967) Designated Hitter: Marilyn Monroe (1926–1962) Team Security: Tura Satana (1938–2011) Owner: Angelina Jolie (1975–)

Poetry I: Ovid

In Summer’s Heat

The Way Back I: Alexander the Great Poetry II: Charles Baudelaire

Cats

Music I: Soul and R&B

What’s Goin’ On Gold Superfly Lady Soul Anthology

The Prooptionary II: Punctuate with Purpose

Exclamation Point! Www as a Word The Oxford Comma The Ellipses . . .

Poetry III: Edgar Allan Poe

The Raven

Baseball I

The Field of Proop Dreams Baseball Gets Born Early Heroes of The Smartest Book What They Call Dead Ball Twentieth-Century Madness The ’20s That Roared The Depression The War and What Happened After The ’50s and Beyond The ’60s Did Not Start Groovy The ’70s Were Fun Agents That Are Free The ’80s The ’90s Baseball in the Age of HD

Poetry IV: Ernest Lawrence Thayer

Casey at the Bat

Smartest Book Baseball Team II: The All-Baseball Baseball Team

Manager: Casey Stengel, the Old Perfessor (1890–1975) Catcher: Johnny Bench (1947–) First Base: Lou Gehrig (1903–1941) Second Base: Little Joe Morgan (1943–) Third Base: Mike Schmidt (1949–) Shortstop: Honus Wagner (1874–1955) Right Field: Babe Ruth (1895–1948) Center Field: Willie Mays (1931–) Left Field: Henry Aaron (1934–) Starters

Left Hander: Sandy Koufax (1935–) Right Hander: Walter Johnson (1887–1946) Relief: Mariano Rivera (1969–)

Bullpen

Bob Gibson (1935–) Tom Seaver (1944–) Cy Young (1867–1955) Rollie Fingers (1946–)/Dennis Eckersley (1954–)

Bench

Outfielder Mickey Mantle (1931–1995) Outfielder Roberto Clemente (1934–1972) Outfielder Ted Williams (1918–2002) Outfielder Barry Bonds (1964–) Infielder Willie Mccovey (1938–) Infielder Derek Jeter (1974–) Infielder Jackie Robinson (1919–1972) Catcher Roy Campanella (1921–1993)

Movies II: Buddy Movies

Some Like It Hot Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid Thelma & Louise The Man Who Would Be King Point Break A Hard Day’s Night

The Smartest Little Book of Book Reviews

Blood Meridian, or The Evening Redness in the West The Rock of Tanios The Great Gatsby Bruges-la-Morte 1984 I, Claudius Dancing Bear “The Sneetches” The Sneetches and Other Stories The Master and Margarita After Claude Heart of Darkness The Feverhead The Adventures and Misadventures of Maqroll Perfume: The Story of a Murderer The Manuscript Found in Saragossa Chéri Nightwood

Smartest Book Baseball Team III: All-Time Controversial Team

Owner: George Steinbrenner (1930–2010) Manager: John Joseph Mcgraw (1873–1934) Third Base Coach: Alfred “Billy” Martin (1928–1989) Catcher: Thurman Munson (1947–1979) First Base: Hal Chase (1883–1947) Backup First Base: Steve Garvey (1948–) Second Base: Rogers Hornsby Sr. (1896–1963) Shortstop: Leo Durocher (1905–1991) Right Field: Reggie Jackson (1946–) Center Field: Ty Cobb (1886–1961) Left Field: Barry Bonds (1964–) Utility: Pete Rose (1941–) Pitchers

Early Wynn (1920–1999) Bob Gibson (1935–) Carl Mays (1891–1971)

Relievers

Richard “Goose” Gossage (1951–) Ryne Duren (1929–2011) Designated Hitter (1973–)

Music II: Glam

Electric Warrior Transformer

Women with a Capital W

Florynce Kennedy (1916–2000) Ada Lovelace (1815–1852) Wilma Mankiller (1945–2010) Petra Herrera (C. 1875–C. 1942) Yuri Kochiyama (1921–2014)

Poetry V: Sappho

A Hymn to Venus Blame Aphrodite

The Way Back II: Julius Caesar Smartest Book Baseball Team IV: Roman Emperor Top Nine

Manager: Julius Caesar (100 Bc–44 Bc) First Base: Augustus (63 Bc–14 Ad) Second Base: Tiberius (42 Bc–37 Ad) Shortstop: Heliogabalus (203–222) Third Base: Marcus Aurelius (121–180) Left Field: Hadrian (76–138) Center Field: Constantine the Great (272–337) Right Field: Nero (37–68) Catcher: Caligula (12–41) Pitcher: Trajan (53–117)

Poetry VI: François Villon

To Death, of His Lady The Ballad of Dead Ladies

Movies III: Foreign Films

La Dolce Vita The Lives of Others The Celebration The 400 Blows Eyes Without a Face The Seventh Seal Le Samouraï

Smartest Book Baseball Team V: All-Time British Monarchy Baseball Team

Manager: Elizabeth I (Reign: 1558–1603) Bench Coach: James (Reign in England: 1603–1625) First Base: Henry VIII (Reign: 1509–1547) Second Base: Ethelred II the Unready (Reign: 979–1013, 1014–1016) Third Base: Mary, Queen of Scots (Reign: 1542–1567) Shortstop: Edward III the Confessor (Reign: 1042–1066) Left Field: Charles I (Reign: 1625–1649) Center Field: George VI (Reign: 1936–1952) Right Field: George III (Reign: 1760–1820) Pitcher: Elizabeth II (Reign: 1952–) Catcher: Richard the Lionhearted (Reign: 1189–1199) Relief Pitcher: William the Conqueror (Reign: 1066–1087) Vendor: Her Majesty Elizabeth, the Queen Mother (Reign: 1936–1952)

Poetry VII: William Shakespeare, aka Willy the Shake

Sonnet 18: Shall I Compare Thee to a Summer’s Day? Sonnet 151

Music III: Punk

Never Mind the Bollocks London Calling Rocket to Russia

Smartest Book Baseball Team VI: The All-Presidential Baseball Team

Owner: George W. Bush (1946–) Umpire: Jimmy Carter (1924–) Manager: FDR (1882–1945) Catcher: Teddy Roosevelt (1858–1919) First Base: Ronald Reagan (1911–2004) Second Base: Barack Obama (1961–) Third Base: Bill Clinton (1946–) Shortstop: Andrew Jackson (1767–1845) Right Field: Dick Cheney (1941–) Center Field: JFK (1917–1963) Left Field: Edith Wilson, Woodrow’s Wife (1872–1961)

Poetry VIII: Dante Alighieri

Beauty of Her Face

Movies IV: The Comedies

Rushmore Withnail & I The Three Musketeers Igby Goes Down The General

Baseball II: What the Evil Old White Man Did Poetry IX: William Blake

Auguries of Innocence

Music IV: Folk

Court and Spark Blood on the Tracks

Poetry X: Matsuo Bashō Smartest Book Baseball Team VII: The Women in History Baseball Team

Manager: Harriet Tubman (D. 1913) First Base: Sacagawea (D. 1812) Second Base: Hypatia of Alexandria (D. 415) Shortstop: Marie Curie (1867–1934) Third Base: Joan of Arc (D. 1431) Left Field: Susan B. Anthony (1820–1906) Center Field: La Malinche (D. C. 1529) Right Field: Betty Ford (1918–2011) Pitcher: Hillary Clinton (1947–) Catcher: Harris “Mother” Jones (1837–1930)

Baseball III: Satchel Paige Smartest Book Baseball Team VIII: All-Time Negro League Team

Manager: Andrew “Rube” Foster (1879–1930) Catcher: Josh Gibson (1911–1947) First Base: Walter Fenner “Buck” Leonard (1907–1997) Second Base: Frank Grant (1865–1937) Third Base: William Julius “Judy” Johnson (1899–1989) Shortstop: John Henry “Pop” Lloyd (1884–1964) Right Field: Cristóbal Torriente (1893–1938) Center Field: Oscar Mckinley Charleston (1896–1954) Backup Center Field: James Thomas “Cool Papa” Bell (1903–1991) Left Field: Monte Irvin (1919–) Pitchers

Leroy “Satchel” Paige (1906–1982) Richard “Cannonball” Redding (1890–1948) Joseph “Smokey Joe” Williams (1885–1951) Charles Wilber “Bullet” Rogan (1893–1967)

Reliever

Hilton Lee Smith (1907–1983)

Movies V: The Sidney Lumet Corner

Dog Day Afternoon Network Serpico The Verdict

The Smartest Drugs in the World

Weed Hash Cocaine Heroin Meth Xanax Codeine Molly Ecstasy Lsd Mushrooms Miao Miao Laudanum

Smartest Book Baseball Team IX: Dictators Baseball Team

Manager: Adolf Hitler (1889–1945) Catcher: Manuel Noriega (1934–) First Base: Rafael Trujillo (1891–1961) Second Base: Napoleon Bonaparte (1769–1821) Third Base: Suharto (1921–2008) Shortstop: Ferdinand Marcos (1917–1989) Left Field: Vladimir Lenin (1870–1924) Center Field: Augusto Pinochet (1915–2006) Right Field: Idi Amin (1925–2003) Pitcher: Fidel Castro (1926–) Relief Pitcher: Josef Stalin (1878–1953) Designated Hitter: Chairman Mao (1893–1976)

Poetry XI: Inuit Poetry

Inuit Song Song by a Woman

Music V: Country & Western

Modern Sounds in Country and Western Music Live at Folsom Prison

Poetry XII: Emily Dickinson

“Hope” is the Thing with Feathers

Music VI: Rock and Reggae

The Band Are You Experienced? The Harder They Come

Poetry XIII: Carl Sandburg

Chicago

Music VII: Jazz

Birth of the Cool The Complete Ella Fitzgerald Song Books Winter in America In Concert

Art I Wish I Had the Balls to Steal

A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte The Chicago Panels The Rose Triumphal Quadriga Maman La Rêve The Leshan Giant Buddha El Mundo Mágico De Los Mayas The Scream David Elgin Marbles Paintings

Vodka-Flavored Vodka

Vodka-Flavored Vodka Drink Vodka Goddess Swirling Vodka-Flavored Funky Screwdriver Proople Rain

Notes, Addendum, Errata, and Erik Estrada Acknowledgments About Greg Proops Index Copyright

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