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Imperial Library
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Index
Cover
Back Cover Text
Praise
Introduction
Title Page
Dedication
About the Author
Contents
Homecoming
Indiana Teenagers Demonstrate Poor Study Habits
Summer Camp Contributes To Life Of Petty Crime
Police Have No Leads In Lancaster Auto Theft
Program Attendees Redefine “Progress”
Boy, 17, Dumps Recycling Instead Of Girl
Being The New Kid Doesnt Always Suck More At Eleven
Corporations A Factor In Downfall Of American Youth
“Hmm,” Says Psychic, Channeling Spirit Of Sigmund Freud
Cheer Captain Takes High School Somewhat Too Seriously
New Research Suggests Attending Class Is Overrated
No Charges Pressed In Howard Heights Burglary
“Business Casual Is Always Appropriate” Claims Reincarnated Fascist Dictator
Rumors Of Lancaster Cheer Squad Hazing True Sources Say
Peanut Gallery Offers Insights Into Intramural Inveiglement
Breaking: Ledger Reporter Isn’t Actually Rabid Anna Fan
Do Homecoming Kings Have Any Actual Responsibilities? Correspondent Goes Deep Undercover To Investigate
Designated Driver Tells All And No One Else Can Remember Enough To Know If It’s True
Schoolboard Rules That All Parties Must Include A Fight
End Of The Road
Slumber Parties: Not Just For Sexy Pillow Fights Anymore
Overly Ambitious Girlfriend Both Better And Worse Than Anticipated
Courtly Intrigues: Coming Soon To A High School Near You
“That Escalated Quickly,” Says Absolutely Everyone
“I Love The Smell Of Drama In The Morning,” Claims Combatant
Girls At Corner Table Definitely Not Plotting To Overthrow Government
Scientists Determine That Time Slows Down During School Dances
Lancaster Youth Carry On Time~honored Traditions
United States Congress Bans Texting
Correspondent Miraculously Does Not Get Lost In Woods But Everything Else Continues To Be Shitty Anyway
Nothing Goes Wrong And Everyone Makes It Home By Curfew
Number Six
Bad Times At Lancaster High
Best Day Ever Continues To Improve
Hell Hath No Fury Like A Writer Scorned
Transatlantic Lecturing Proves Ineffective
Local Basement Surprisingly Classy When Footballer~free
Sordid Past Haunts Teenage Revolutionary
True Life: My Internet Persona Is Cooler Than Me
Correspondent Baffles Literally Everyone With Her Shockingly Poor Decision~making Skills
Lancaster Homeowners Lament Presence Of Unchaperoned Teenage Pedestrians
Alien Abduction Likely Cause Of Students’ Disappearance
College Or Exile? Reports Remain Unclear
Illinois Sues Indiana Over Seymour Expatriation
Shit Hits Fan
Suspect Apprehends Self
Reporter Seeks Political Hunger Strike To Join Following Lunch~related Injuries
Editor-in-chief Is Life Of Party Says No One
Marine Police Under Investigation In Negligence Suit
Culver Neighborhood Watch Does A Really Great Job
Operation Desdemona
Nobody Expects The Fort Wayne Inquisition
Public Service Announcement: Your Attic Is Probably Cursed And You Definitely Should Not Go Up There
Correspondent Is Extremely Done With Boys
At Last An Answer To Will I Ever Use This In Real Life?
Does Lancaster High School Even Have A Journalism Teacher? Parent~teacher Association Raises Concerns
Nothing To See In Howard Heights; Definitely No Plotting At All
Stalking: The Trend That’s Sweeping The Nation
Students Go Above And Beyond On English Assignment
Seriously Just Stay Out Of The Damn Woods, Says Local Teen
Once Upon A Time Things Did Not Suck
Correspondent Honestly Doesn’t Have The Words For This
The King Is Dead
Teenage Girls Achieve Immortality
Acknowledgments
Copyright
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